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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
ValerieMoore · 04/01/2024 01:29

It looks like most people are glad the family has to leave…

LilyBartsHatShop · 04/01/2024 01:52

@sleeplessnights24 As satisfying as it might be to stick it to the nasty mums of Mumsnet, I'm not sure that buying yet another apartment in this evidently shoddy build is going to be your wisest financial investment.

Passingthethyme · 04/01/2024 02:21

Yay karma pays off! You were totally reasonable OP, more so than me with what you have tolerated! I hope the shitty incosiderate neighbours now have to live with people who equally annoy them as much as they've annoyed you (and any other normal person who values their sleep).

Passingthethyme · 04/01/2024 02:22

Pokethedot · 04/01/2024 01:14

I would imagine the grandparent has actually raised respectful children in order to acquire a grandchild, so might possibly have an inkling about parenting.

Agree 💯 I know what children I'd be ok with mine to socialise with!

Justfinking · 04/01/2024 02:27

It's not really surprising the LL has said there were other issues, people with anti social behaviour tend not to be the smartest and have a skewed value system, wonder how they will fare in their next place. Probably sinailr or worse. Oh well. Good job.

LonelynSad · 04/01/2024 05:22

@NickiHendrix It's called parenting your child!!!!! Teaching them respect others. Jesus Christ

LonelynSad · 04/01/2024 05:29

@Daniagainagainagain
It's not incorrect, it's considered living noise

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.
Passingthethyme · 04/01/2024 06:20

LonelynSad · 04/01/2024 05:29

@Daniagainagainagain
It's not incorrect, it's considered living noise

Edited

I bet at the hours OP is talking about it would definitely NOT be considered ok. Plus there's also common law regarding the right to a peaceful home

Passingthethyme · 04/01/2024 06:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Do you even know what altruistic means? 🙄 and why would anyone be altruistic anymore when there are so many entitled CF around

mollyfolk · 04/01/2024 07:00

LonelynSad · 04/01/2024 05:29

@Daniagainagainagain
It's not incorrect, it's considered living noise

Edited

They are unlikely but in this case the floor is an issue rather than what the noise is itself. Hardwood flooring is not suitable flooring in flats.

Anyway - all’s well that ends well.

Daniagainagainagain · 04/01/2024 08:07

LonelynSad · 04/01/2024 05:29

@Daniagainagainagain
It's not incorrect, it's considered living noise

Edited

It's only considered living house if it's under a certain about of decibels.

The council came and sat in my old flat with a decibel monitor and swiftly got involved. Sent letters to the landlord and the tenants above about their child.
They ignored these, so sent further letters, they ignored these so they went round to visit them.

They ignored these and I was told (due to how loud the noise was) that if I pushed on, they could face eviction.

I then moved.

This was 90% noise from a child.

TigerRag · 04/01/2024 09:23

LonelynSad · 04/01/2024 05:29

@Daniagainagainagain
It's not incorrect, it's considered living noise

Edited

Between 11pm and 7am?

Beautiful3 · 04/01/2024 09:34

Reat update, that's fantastic news! Its only a few months until may! I hope you've let the landlord know to keep you in the loop, as you're seriously interested in buying it? Hope you get it op, good luck.

NickiHendrix · 04/01/2024 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NickiHendrix · 04/01/2024 09:41

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 21:43

UPDATE.

I'm not sure if I am allowed to copy/paste the update into here, but the update is that the LL won't be renewing the lease of upstairs anyway 'for a number of reasons'. However; this would be in May of this year.

My guess is they want to renovate and then sell. It's not really a good time to sell though...? I also think upstairs would rather move into a home - instead of a flat.

LL apparently doesn't want the council involved. Not that I did either - since I just wanted a solution.

Does it go against MN rules to copy and paste the entire email here?

Either way; it looks like they are moving - and according to the email - it looks like I haven't been the only one complaining!

Thank you for all your input. It is great appreciated!

That’s a great update!

Their tenancy ends in May but that doesn’t mean they’ll be out of the door in May. They could stay and ask the LL to evict them in case they want help from the council. That means they could be there even longer but that’s worse case scenario really

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/01/2024 10:45

Cmonluv
**
Awe wow, your 3 yr old grandchild can not run I doors on a visit for a couple of hours now and again? What superior parenting, you must give us all tips...

He stays for several days each visit and manages to contain himself.
Don’t be silly.
There’s nothing superior about keeping a 3 year old quiet when necessary.

timbuktootoo · 04/01/2024 10:55

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/01/2024 10:45

Cmonluv
**
Awe wow, your 3 yr old grandchild can not run I doors on a visit for a couple of hours now and again? What superior parenting, you must give us all tips...

He stays for several days each visit and manages to contain himself.
Don’t be silly.
There’s nothing superior about keeping a 3 year old quiet when necessary.

From someone who works in Education, thank you. Your grandchild will start school and be successful because you have done the necessary work in the critical 0-4 years to socialise them. All those on this thread who can't be bothered, or who think their children don't need to be socialised at a young age, are setting them up for future failure.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/01/2024 23:08

Thank you, @timbuktootoo, but I can’t claim the credit, unfortunately 😁 Mum was in early years education before a career change and dad is equally calm, patient and consistent. They’re a remarkable team.

Nanaof1 · 05/01/2024 00:38

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 07:01

Try learning to read (ALL the posts). Get some sleep too. You sound like you need it.

There are people here who enjoy being obstreperous, nasty and rude. They possess no empathy or capacity to have any. But, when something happens to THEM, they expect the world to defend and kowtow to them.

You had peace and quiet before, so the parents are capable of keeping their little bundle of absolute mayhem quieter; they're just choosing to not do so.

Keep complaining, keep after the LL, and perhaps he will grow a spine or a conscience and put some carpet/matting down or give the parents a choice.

I think, when someone decides to start a thread here, you have to be like a duck and let the ugly roll off your back. There are always some uglies on the threads, because kicking puppies would get them in trouble. 😉

Nanaof1 · 05/01/2024 02:59

Pokethedot · 03/01/2024 22:01

It’s quite interesting how OP says one thing and a few pages on a few strange souls have somehow changed it to something completely different 🙈

I must say, this thread was like being able to see how the game "telephone" always gets so strange.

It seems some nasties just made up scenarios that didn't exist and then piped off about their imaginary happenings. If it hadn't been so ugly from some posters, it might have been amusing.

Oh heck, I admit, I laughed at them anyway!

@sleeplessnights24 --PLEASE buy the upstairs flat and then make it into one big one. Or save it for when you have family and friends visit. Oh, also thought of this...are you sure the upstairs neighbors weren't harboring a nocturnal runaway pony? 😉

Nanaof1 · 05/01/2024 03:01

@sleeplessnights24 Sorry, I didn't read the updates before I posted the post two up. I always forget to refresh the page if I've been off the page for a while.

I am happy it is all working out for you.

Nanaof1 · 05/01/2024 03:11

Chichimcgee · 03/01/2024 23:18

@sleeplessnights24 i think you mean you purposely went upstairs, threw the glass of milk at a wall, shoved them all out of the building wearing nothing but Victorian style nightwear. You will then watch from your window with glee as a poor disabled child’s feet die from frost bite and his parents lament that he’ll never be able to stomp delicately tiptoe anywhere again. They’ll die with your laughter in their ears as they scream ‘we should have bought a ruuuuuuug’

shame on you.

Okay--this made me laugh WAY too hard!

That was quite good @Chichimcgee, and thank you for making my DH wonder why I was snort-laughing. I would try to explain this thread to him, but he would have me committed before page 5, thinking I was imagining some of these posts.

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