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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 13:02

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 12:54

Yeah my neighbors adult son does this. Bleurgh. Thankfully not there all the time and only seems an occasional thing, so I can let her annoying child's annoying habits slide as she lets mine...

That’s the thing I think you have to tolerate things but they make constant noise complaints because I work nights (I would be awake at night even if I didn’t) when they’ve no high ground on being a good neighbour.

biedrona · 03/01/2024 13:24

Again, OP is not asking to chain the kid to the bed. They are asking for some rugs, carpets, some consideration during the night. I don't think it is unreasonable.

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 13:26

biedrona · 03/01/2024 13:24

Again, OP is not asking to chain the kid to the bed. They are asking for some rugs, carpets, some consideration during the night. I don't think it is unreasonable.

She herself says she went to their door a lot

Her old thread states she tried to make them come to her flat to listen

She may be very unpleasant to deal with

Wver no idea what she's asked for or if it's reasonable

She should go to the council, they'll tell her if she's right or wrong and if she's wrong she can stop harassing her neighbors

Smellslikesummer · 03/01/2024 13:46

I can see both sides from experience. OP, what do you think about this:

As a tenant, you rent a flat with nice wooden floors.
You have lived in flats previously with no complaints from downstairs neighbors but here they keep complaining.
You are not sure what they are expecting you to do when your child supposedly runs during the night, you are asleep yourself and when your child wakes you up they are not running.
You do not want to have foam mattresses on your floor, the nice wooden floor was one of the reasons you chose to rent this flat.
After complaints via your landlord you were really stressed, every time your child was stepping on the floor or dropping something you would tell them off. This lasted 8 weeks but when family came to see you they confirmed that it was ridiculous to live like this and that your child is allowed to play and move in their own home.

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 13:51

Or they had the child sleep in the parents bed for a while

Sparepartstogo · 03/01/2024 14:03

OP I know how you feel as I’m going through the exact same thing for the same length of time with a 5 yo old boy too. He visits his gran next door most days after school and stays on weekends sometimes. We’re woken as early as 4am and then have to listen to hours of stomping and banging toys. It actually became quite stressful for me and I have anxiety from it, whenever I know the child is there or I hear the sounds I have panic attacks. We’re now moving house because I cannot cope anymore. Lack of sleep and non stop intrusive noise is too much and no one should have to suffer it. The gran told me the child can’t help it as he has SEN so he’s allowed to be noisy. I now encourage my children to be extra noisy so she knows how it feels, which turned into an argument because she wants us to be silent while using a SEN diagnosis as an excuse for poor parenting. So basically no good can come of this situation. You have tried everything and they have continued to disrespect your right to quiet enjoyment of your home. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. I know it’s not the best option, but be noisy back and disturb them. I can guarantee you’ll have a quiet night in no time when their sleep is affected.

DoorLockedAgain · 03/01/2024 14:11

Lovelyjubbbly · 03/01/2024 11:43

@Scalottia Take it you don’t have children then? Deal with them you say that’s not always possible your been totally unreasonable aswell. I’m guessing your old age aswell

You need to stop with your ageist comments and your dodgy comments about immigrants being given housing. I admit I now feel sorry for the woman living below you, after seeing how you communicate.

DoorLockedAgain · 03/01/2024 14:20

The OP is specifically talking about running and stomping at night.Some people are talking about the right to ‘move around’ the home. Moving around implies walking to me, not jumping, running or doing cartwheels at night.

And as I keep saying, what if the affected downstairs neighbour had a kid with SEN or who was ND or had anxiety? Whose sleep and therefore behaviour was being disrupted by a noisy upstairs neighbour? Why do only one set of neighbours’ feelings matter?

Lovelyjubbbly · 03/01/2024 14:20

@DoorLockedAgain I’ll say what I want about immigrants

Goinggreymammy · 03/01/2024 14:20

Wow. This is a long thread. I just jumped in to suggest what the child might be doing. My son (9) has ASD. He stims by jumping and prancing about. It helps him think and process things and calm himself. Living in semi-detached house. He has a rug in his room but sometimes does it in the bathroom and we can hear it through the whole house. Luckily the bathroom is the detached side. And luckily he doesn't do it if he wakes at night.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2024 14:21

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 09:45

Left to their own devices int he sense the parents aren't even in the apartment? She doesn't hear hoovering? Washing machine? Doesn't hear them take their shoes off as they come in? Doesn't hear them loading the dishwasher? Not just doesn't hear them deal with the child.

Also doesn't hear the child speak? Sing? Whoop? Nothing? Just their feet?

If a kid is left to run riot you don't just hear footsteps you hear the accompanying crap an unsupervised 5 yr old gets up to

How often do you wake up to hear hoovering in the early hours?Confused

DoorLockedAgain · 03/01/2024 14:21

Lovelyjubbbly · 03/01/2024 14:20

@DoorLockedAgain I’ll say what I want about immigrants

What a role model you must be for your children.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2024 14:21

EsmeSusanOgg · 03/01/2024 00:24

While you are entitled to quiet enjoyment of your home, children running around - even in the early hours - is considered normal living noise. It is not covered/ OP has no action in legal terms.

In the middle of the night??

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2024 14:24

Jacfrost · 03/01/2024 00:42

People are entitled to move around their home at whatever time they want. That's not anti social and it doesn't warrant apology.

You're harassing them OP and you don't sound suited to flat living, certainly not on a lower floor - I'd look at moving.

That is actually, utter nonsense.

You are not 'entitled' to disturb neighbours if it can be avoided

And as for 'harassing'...😂

Lovelyjubbbly · 03/01/2024 14:24

@DoorLockedAgain what a old fart you must be for your children

caringcarer · 03/01/2024 14:24

I'd complain to the council about avoidable noise through most nights. It's not like it's a baby crying. They could stop this DC running about but probably just want to be bothered to get out of bed and deal with it. Record the noise and report to the council.

caringcarer · 03/01/2024 14:27

Iam4eels · 03/01/2024 00:07

You're living in a block of flats and a fact of life with flats is that most of them are poorly insulated against sound (hardwood floors fitted as standard a point in case) and you will inevitably hear noise from your neighbours.

The child is five years old, if you took this complaint to environmental health they'd tell you that legally there is nothing you can do because a child moving around their home is classed as 'living noise'. You are being massively unreasonable to continue to harass this family via their landlord, they've put a rug down in the bedroom and short of tying their child to a chair there isn't much they can do about him moving around. Small children can be heavy footed and they can often run even when they know they shouldn't.

You seem to be hyper-aware of the noise which is probably contributing to it seeming much worse than it actually is and it's time for you to look at what you can do from your side to lessen how much of it you're hearing - ear plugs, white noise, swapping rooms, getting rid of your own hardwood floors to prevent echo, etc.

If you'd read the thread you'd know OP says she has noise cancelling headphones and white noise already.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2024 14:27

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 01:37

That's exactly what to do OP. Thankfully you won't get far because a child moving around inside their home is not unreasonable.

It is at all hours of the night!!

mollyfolk · 03/01/2024 14:27

Read this judgment and see how to focused on the flooring rather than the noise itself - which is what i was trying to tell you to do- less directing towards the family and more towards the landlord. I think you could threaten legal action against the landlord if he doesn’t deal with the flooring. I wouldn’t pay for the rugs - the onus is on him to deal with the floors.

Sparepartstogo · 03/01/2024 14:28

I echo the comments about recording the noise with the council noise app to report them. Don’t say it’s a child just state you’re hearing loud banging on your ceiling during anti social hours and they will investigate. Ignore all the shitty comments on here too, most of them have no idea what it’s like to live on edge hearing preventable noises that are continued as a form of bullying. Children shouldn’t be in flats and if they are then the parents take full responsibility to keep them quiet or soundproof the home.

Newlydivorcedyay · 03/01/2024 14:28

get a decibel meter to get actual objective recordings of the noise. go away for a few days so the noises are all external.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2024 14:29

surreygirl1987 · 03/01/2024 12:40

Honestly if you live in a flat with people above you you are really quite likely to end up hearing noise… it could just as easily be students coming and going at all hours or music on until late or many other possible irritations. It’s a 5 year old and their movements are not easy to ‘control’. Sorry but I think you need to accept that they have as much right to live there as you do and not be harassed for what is essentially just a young kid moving about his home.

Yep. What about an NHS shift worker who works odd hours and is awake in the middle or the night? I'm not saying they have the right to be noisy, but certainly walking around their flat must be acceptable.

But the child isn't 'walking'

And the odds are that a shift worker would be considerate, especially as they'd probably like the same back

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2024 14:31

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:20

OP though you’re making this all about timeframes that you have decided are unacceptable. Everyone else isn’t you and have different lives

The middle of the night?

The crack of dawn?

Why do you think councils enforce times for building work?

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 14:31

I agree that children shouldn’t be in flats but that actually nobody should be.

TigerRag · 03/01/2024 14:32

DoorLockedAgain · 03/01/2024 14:20

The OP is specifically talking about running and stomping at night.Some people are talking about the right to ‘move around’ the home. Moving around implies walking to me, not jumping, running or doing cartwheels at night.

And as I keep saying, what if the affected downstairs neighbour had a kid with SEN or who was ND or had anxiety? Whose sleep and therefore behaviour was being disrupted by a noisy upstairs neighbour? Why do only one set of neighbours’ feelings matter?

Other threads suggest those of us who are ND and don't like loud noise don't matter

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