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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
Rewis · 03/01/2024 22:54

This thread has been a wild ride. Good luck op x

fitzwilliamdarcy · 03/01/2024 23:00

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 22:15

Learn to read first.

The new owners that BUY - might well just be... ME. Hope that helps you!

Fantastic update all around!

Lookingforbiscoff · 03/01/2024 23:02

I hope your next upstairs neighbours are tiny people with tiny feet who scuttled quietly from place to place like they're floating...

I imagine OP would settle for considerate people, with or without children, who don’t let any member of their household run around for half an hour at midnight or 4am on a regular basis.

The absolute lack of empathy some people have for childfree single people is astounding. Because this “little family” has a child their needs matter even if infringing upon others but the OP’s basic need to have uninterrupted sleep doesn’t? Don’t think so!

Pokethedot · 03/01/2024 23:06

This reply has been deleted

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They’ll be on the housing list and be a high priority so they’ll be able to bid on something more suitable. It seems like good news all round really

Mikimoto · 03/01/2024 23:07

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 22:15

Learn to read first.

The new owners that BUY - might well just be... ME. Hope that helps you!

Oooh!!
Plot twist!
Chan-chan-channnnn!!!

AuntMarch · 03/01/2024 23:09

I've only read the first page but as a parent in a first floor flat, I feel like I must be too restrictive of my DC if people are trying to say OPs eighbours aren't unreasonable 😂
We moved in when he's 2 and from day one I stopped him running every time (apart from the week we were potty training!)

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 23:10

OhmygodDont · 03/01/2024 22:53

Pretty sure the op said their tenancy runs out in MAY so given a section 21 which doesn't automatically evict then court blah blah blah they could still be there in August.

🙄 try hards need to try harder.

also op plans to buy it 😂😂

Edited

The lease ends in May - it's not an 'eviction'...!

But don't bother trying to reason with @Cmonluv . She only reads what she wants to read - and then fills in the blanks - and comes up with whatever narrative suits her best. There's pages of it on this very thread.

@cmon HE didn't want the council involved. Of course, I don't either - but not because I'm worried about being proven wrong - but rather because it's a pain for everyone. Which is why I suspect HE pushed to not have them involved. I never mentioned getting the council involved, but if he wanted me to do so; I'd be only too happy to do so. He took the initiative first - and by not renewing their lease - and selling up anyway; it's no longer his problem!

The upstairs neighbours will likely be... ME! Declaring 'unpleasantness'. Hahaha. You're truly mad. I notice you fail to respond to the fact that it turned out others had complained too.... Funny that.

The neighbours move into a home (as was their preference!), I buy upstairs, noise ceases within reason. Problem solved as much as it can be - but yes, you stay bitter and pretend a family have been turfed out onto the street overnight right after Christmas.

Fab indeed!

OP posts:
Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 23:13

Rewis · 03/01/2024 22:54

This thread has been a wild ride. Good luck op x

Many twists an turns and bizarre narratives and what-ifs - when it turned out it was a case of Occam's razor!

Thank you! 🤗

OP posts:
timbuktootoo · 03/01/2024 23:18

AuntMarch · 03/01/2024 23:09

I've only read the first page but as a parent in a first floor flat, I feel like I must be too restrictive of my DC if people are trying to say OPs eighbours aren't unreasonable 😂
We moved in when he's 2 and from day one I stopped him running every time (apart from the week we were potty training!)

How nice to read that there are still decent people parenting out there! This is also how friends of mine in flats operate....there is no need for children to run and thump indoors if parented properly!

Chichimcgee · 03/01/2024 23:18

@sleeplessnights24 i think you mean you purposely went upstairs, threw the glass of milk at a wall, shoved them all out of the building wearing nothing but Victorian style nightwear. You will then watch from your window with glee as a poor disabled child’s feet die from frost bite and his parents lament that he’ll never be able to stomp delicately tiptoe anywhere again. They’ll die with your laughter in their ears as they scream ‘we should have bought a ruuuuuuug’

shame on you.

surreygirl1987 · 03/01/2024 23:19

Oh bore off!

Yeh, you do sound vile.

LaurieStrode · 03/01/2024 23:21

Lookingforbiscoff · 03/01/2024 23:02

I hope your next upstairs neighbours are tiny people with tiny feet who scuttled quietly from place to place like they're floating...

I imagine OP would settle for considerate people, with or without children, who don’t let any member of their household run around for half an hour at midnight or 4am on a regular basis.

The absolute lack of empathy some people have for childfree single people is astounding. Because this “little family” has a child their needs matter even if infringing upon others but the OP’s basic need to have uninterrupted sleep doesn’t? Don’t think so!

Edited

Agree. It's disgusting. So tired of those entitled jackasses who think procreating affords them special status.

Well done, OP! I hope their next accommodation is shitty, loud and annoying, as they deserve!

AuntMarch · 03/01/2024 23:25

FreeOnTheRange · 03/01/2024 22:48

This. It's effectively child abuse.

I hate that my child is, but we are lucky that grandparents are all close by as well as several parks so can get outside fairly easily.

But it's just the 2 of us in ours, so it isnt bad space wise really. I wouldn't want to attempt to find room for an extra person and their stuff. There is a family of 5 in on the same and I can't even imagine how difficult that must be!

AuntMarch · 03/01/2024 23:26

timbuktootoo · 03/01/2024 23:18

How nice to read that there are still decent people parenting out there! This is also how friends of mine in flats operate....there is no need for children to run and thump indoors if parented properly!

If nothing else, isn't "no running indoors" a pretty standard rule?!

OhmygodDont · 03/01/2024 23:27

Just because their lease ends doesn’t mean they have to leave that’s the point. It becomes a section 21 then court etc unless they leave just because asked. But if they let council they will tell them to stay till high court enforcement.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/01/2024 23:30

Timbuktootoo
**
How nice to read that there are still decent people parenting out there! This is also how friends of mine in flats operate....there is no need for children to run and thump indoors if parented properly!

This. We have a top floor flat and a 3 year old grandchild. We love him dearly and probably over-indulge him but we also respect our downstairs neighbours’ right to peace and comfort in their home. After just 3 visits, we have a new game. He says “listen how quietly I can walk, granny”. I close my eyes and he “sneaks up” on me.
We explained to him first visit that there are people living below us: took him outside and showed him all of the windows on top of each other. He got it very quickly. It’s really not that difficult. If a 3 year old can get it, a 5 year old can.

LaurieStrode · 03/01/2024 23:40

OhmygodDont · 03/01/2024 23:27

Just because their lease ends doesn’t mean they have to leave that’s the point. It becomes a section 21 then court etc unless they leave just because asked. But if they let council they will tell them to stay till high court enforcement.

That's truly despicable. Talk about gaming the system.

momonpurpose · 03/01/2024 23:46

I am so happy for you op and I hope they leave before May! Also it's seems like your neighbor may be on here lol! You are 1000x in the right and better days are ahead!

beanontoast · 04/01/2024 00:09

This reply has been deleted

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A lease that comes to an end and is not renewed is not considered to be ‘cancelled’. They have until May to find somewhere more appropriate to live, cancelling the lease would mean ending their current contract and kicking them out. Perhaps OP should put them in touch with you so you can help them move somewhere local to you, since you seem to love noise so much

WhatIsHeThinking · 04/01/2024 00:16

Fantastic update OP and so refreshing to read the common sense responses!

Good luck with purchasing the flat.

Cmonluv · 04/01/2024 00:32

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/01/2024 23:30

Timbuktootoo
**
How nice to read that there are still decent people parenting out there! This is also how friends of mine in flats operate....there is no need for children to run and thump indoors if parented properly!

This. We have a top floor flat and a 3 year old grandchild. We love him dearly and probably over-indulge him but we also respect our downstairs neighbours’ right to peace and comfort in their home. After just 3 visits, we have a new game. He says “listen how quietly I can walk, granny”. I close my eyes and he “sneaks up” on me.
We explained to him first visit that there are people living below us: took him outside and showed him all of the windows on top of each other. He got it very quickly. It’s really not that difficult. If a 3 year old can get it, a 5 year old can.

Awe wow, your 3 yr old grandchild can not run I doors on a visit for a couple of hours now and again? What superior parenting, you must give us all tips... 🙄

momonpurpose · 04/01/2024 01:00

beanontoast · 04/01/2024 00:09

A lease that comes to an end and is not renewed is not considered to be ‘cancelled’. They have until May to find somewhere more appropriate to live, cancelling the lease would mean ending their current contract and kicking them out. Perhaps OP should put them in touch with you so you can help them move somewhere local to you, since you seem to love noise so much

Edited

Fabulous idea maybe even move them in to their home

Pokethedot · 04/01/2024 01:14

Cmonluv · 04/01/2024 00:32

Awe wow, your 3 yr old grandchild can not run I doors on a visit for a couple of hours now and again? What superior parenting, you must give us all tips... 🙄

I would imagine the grandparent has actually raised respectful children in order to acquire a grandchild, so might possibly have an inkling about parenting.

Cmonluv · 04/01/2024 01:23

Pokethedot · 04/01/2024 01:14

I would imagine the grandparent has actually raised respectful children in order to acquire a grandchild, so might possibly have an inkling about parenting.

Weird take, respect for your parents doesn't greatly factor in conception