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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 02/01/2024 23:52

I sympathise, but they are probably having a rough time with a hyperactive child who doesn't sleep much. Short of tying him up, what can they actually do? I would look at soundproofing your own home as much as possible and try earplugs.

WhateverMate · 02/01/2024 23:55

That sounds awful OP. I'm surprised they're allowed hard flooring in a flat? A lot of leases forbid it.

RedToothBrush · 02/01/2024 23:55

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sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:56

sprigatito · 02/01/2024 23:52

I sympathise, but they are probably having a rough time with a hyperactive child who doesn't sleep much. Short of tying him up, what can they actually do? I would look at soundproofing your own home as much as possible and try earplugs.

They say he's not hyperactive though. They say he does't even run. But yes; this is obviously not true. There's no need for them to be dishonest or pretend it's not happening - when it so clearly is. Just own it - so we can ALL be happy.

With regards to what they can do - they can put down foam mats/rugs with underlay in the hallways that he runs up and down in. I suggested this - and offered to pay for it myself. T one fair; they did admit he's often up and down there - but claims he never runs.

Their response (once their owners got involved was to say) they'll put one in the bedroom...?!

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:56

WhateverMate · 02/01/2024 23:55

That sounds awful OP. I'm surprised they're allowed hard flooring in a flat? A lot of leases forbid it.

Me too. I did check. Every single unit in here is hardwood floors. Typical ultra modern new build.

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:57

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It's not being a dick to want to sleep in your own home - at night.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 02/01/2024 23:58

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Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 00:00

I would love my mind OP! That’s hell!

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/01/2024 00:01

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:56

Me too. I did check. Every single unit in here is hardwood floors. Typical ultra modern new build.

So there's nothing in the lease about flooring?? What about quiet enjoyment?

I'd kick up a stink to the management company and the landlord again. And again and again. You're already logging the incidents so I'd also get some advice from the noise team at the council and try to go down the anti-social behaviour route.

GreatGateauxsby · 03/01/2024 00:01

Honestly...

If it's a rental move.
If you own get earplugs (you can learn to sleep with them) and switch your bedroom so you aren't in the same space as the stompy little arsehole.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 00:01

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It's not about forcing their child to sleep. They can take practical measures to mitigate the noise - such a foam mats in the hallways where he does indeed run. This would act as sound deadening/dampening.

As I said; I have earplugs/Bose headphones, white noise machines etc... and use them actively - and have done so for 18 months - but the problem is that because he's running on hardwood floors - the noise resonates and vibrates - which means you literally feel it in your furniture/walls.

Headphones don't cancel out vibrations.

I think your attitude is vile.

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 00:05

GreatGateauxsby · 03/01/2024 00:01

Honestly...

If it's a rental move.
If you own get earplugs (you can learn to sleep with them) and switch your bedroom so you aren't in the same space as the stompy little arsehole.

As in PP, I have earplugs/Bose headphones, white noise machines etc... and use them actively - and have done so for 18 months - but the problem is that because he's running on hardwood floors - the noise resonates and vibrates - which means you literally feel it in your furniture/walls.

Headphones don't cancel out vibrations.

I'm surprised people think anyone would complain about noise - if they themselves haven't tried to cancel it out themselves/find a solution themselves first.

As I said in my OP, I only complained when I was already at my wits end - so naturally and obviously - that means I would have tried to find solutions myself prior.

Not everyone complains at the drop of a hat. Some of us are very conflict-avoidant people - and only complain when they've exhausted all other options.

OP posts:
Teentaxidriver · 03/01/2024 00:05

I feel your pain OP. Keep complaining. You deserve to be able to sleep in your own home. It sounds as though they need to move, not you.

RosieBurdock · 03/01/2024 00:05

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:57

It's not being a dick to want to sleep in your own home - at night.

Of course you're not being a dick not wanting to keep being woken up by running throughout the night. Ignore that poster. I bet they wouldn't be happy if it was their neighbour waking them constantly.

Spaghettieis · 03/01/2024 00:06

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They don’t have to make him sleep. All they have to do is get him to stop stomping loudly at 3am, for which there are many options. OP is not being unreasonable to ask her neighbours to do something to mitigate the disruption they are causing during quiet hours. I’d be mortified if I were the neighbours and doing everything I could. They’re the ones being dicks for not even bothering to put down a rug, which can be acquired really cheaply.

RedToothBrush · 03/01/2024 00:06

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sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 00:07

RosieBurdock · 03/01/2024 00:05

Of course you're not being a dick not wanting to keep being woken up by running throughout the night. Ignore that poster. I bet they wouldn't be happy if it was their neighbour waking them constantly.

I'm not worried. 😄

I suspect they themselves are a noisy neighbour - or a parent that lets their kid stomp around at night.

OP posts:
Lilpop90 · 03/01/2024 00:07

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DifficultBloodyWoman · 03/01/2024 00:07

You are not being a dick.

Be a persistent pain in their asses. By that, I mean the upstairs eight ours, the landlord and the management company. Also contact the council about anti social behaviour.

In your shoes, I would be upfront with everyone about everything in the interests of seeking a solution. Who knows, possibly the flooring was installed incorrectly without the appropriate sound deadening material if the neighbours are indeed telling the truth. And therefore it is the management company who will have to sort it out. Possibly at the cost of the individual flat or the while building. Nobody wants to lay for anything so they will seek to put the problem and the pressure on the noisy neighbours.

I feel your pain. Document everything. Good luck.

Iam4eels · 03/01/2024 00:07

You're living in a block of flats and a fact of life with flats is that most of them are poorly insulated against sound (hardwood floors fitted as standard a point in case) and you will inevitably hear noise from your neighbours.

The child is five years old, if you took this complaint to environmental health they'd tell you that legally there is nothing you can do because a child moving around their home is classed as 'living noise'. You are being massively unreasonable to continue to harass this family via their landlord, they've put a rug down in the bedroom and short of tying their child to a chair there isn't much they can do about him moving around. Small children can be heavy footed and they can often run even when they know they shouldn't.

You seem to be hyper-aware of the noise which is probably contributing to it seeming much worse than it actually is and it's time for you to look at what you can do from your side to lessen how much of it you're hearing - ear plugs, white noise, swapping rooms, getting rid of your own hardwood floors to prevent echo, etc.

olympicsrock · 03/01/2024 00:08

Do you get that younger children often habitually wake up around 5 or 6 am ? I was on my knees at this point with exhaustion. Children also walk with a skip and a hop . I get that it’s noisier - it’s not stomping though.
Apart from carpeting there will be little they can do.

RosieBurdock · 03/01/2024 00:08

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You sound horrible saying you'd tell them to stomp louder.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 00:09

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"And tbh, with a neighbour giving me shit for the noise when i'm sleep deprived and struggling with my child, I'd tell him to stomp louder cos you'd have well and truly got my back up. "

So you don't care about waking neighbours up too? Do they not have a right to sleep? Why would you want your child to stomp louder if you're so sleep deprived yourself?

Yep. Vile indeed.

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 03/01/2024 00:09

I'm sorry, you think my attitude is vile, but I'm sorry but you have NO idea what its like to deal with a child who will not sleep.

I think the OP has EVERY idea what's it's like dealing with a child who will not sleep. She's being kept awake by one and she didn't even choose to have a child! So yes @RedToothBrush your attitude is indeed vile.

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 00:10

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And you wonder why your neighbour gave you shit? Stomp louder?

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