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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
SunRainStorm · 03/01/2024 00:52

This reply has been deleted

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How is OP the dick?

OP wants to sleep at night. The neighbours are not even trying to fix the problem.

fromhellsheartistabatthee · 03/01/2024 00:54

The neighbours should put the child's bed in the master bedroom with them if they can't otherwise control his nocturnal activities.

Coolhwip · 03/01/2024 00:54

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 00:49

That would be seen as me likely causing trouble. To be clear, I have not 'fought fire with fire'.

Never did the whole 'blast rock music on the ceiling' thing. Never banged on my ceiling with a broom. Never exaggerated the noise (as people tend to do) to the management/landlord for dramatic effect.

I just stuck to the facts - and even offered to pay to come to a solution too.

Edited

Time to complain to the council. What’s stopping you? Do you own or rent?

NickiHendrix · 03/01/2024 00:55

We live in a block of flats and my 2 year old is constantly running up and down the place. We have hard flooring too. If my neighbours downstairs complained then I’d feel sorry for them but what can really be done.

If they’re renting then why can’t the owners put down a different type of flooring so you can live in peace?

Dweetfidilove · 03/01/2024 00:59

In my block, anyone above ground floor is not allowed wood / laminate flooring for exactly this reason.

I feel your pain, as you’re now as sleep deprived as they are, and you don’t even have a child keeping you up.

Keep reporting, as they’ve shown they can do something about it if they want. If you can’t get any help from the LL , start creating your own noise when your sleep is disturbed at stupid o’clock.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire- go up and ring the bell, start knocking the roof with your broom… They sound terrible inconsiderate if they won’t take simple steps to reduce the noise.

Notcontent · 03/01/2024 01:05

RedToothBrush · 03/01/2024 00:46

This.

I hope they take action against the OP for harassment.

OMG - I would hate to have @RedToothBrush as a neighbour!!!

The keys point about living in close proximity to other people is that you have to be considerate and you can’t just do as you please - otherwise it would be total chaos. E.g. I live in a terrace house and so if I want to listen to the radio late in the evening I use headphones and i would never start vacuuming after 9 pm, etc.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 01:07

NickiHendrix · 03/01/2024 00:55

We live in a block of flats and my 2 year old is constantly running up and down the place. We have hard flooring too. If my neighbours downstairs complained then I’d feel sorry for them but what can really be done.

If they’re renting then why can’t the owners put down a different type of flooring so you can live in peace?

You can put area rugs/foam mats/carpeting down in heavy traffic areas (if they ever complain, that is) - and of course; make sure that your neighbours have a right to sleep.

Noise within reasonable hours is, of course, expected! No one should be expecting silence - unless they are delusional.

They are indeed renting. I have asked this same question - and all I got back was that they decided to buy a rug. I also suggested foam mats in the heavy traffic areas - which I'd pay for. I also offered to pay for carpeting! I suspect they don't want carpet.

OP posts:
Movingonup2023 · 03/01/2024 01:07

@sleeplessnights24 do you rent? Couldn’t find an answer to that sorry if u have answered already. Just thinking that if your landlord was to lose you due to the noise and likely several other tenants it might be worthwhile getting them to deal with it?

Also as a parent I understand that children can be hard to keep calm, up several times a night but I would do everything I could or be coming to you and saying sorry ds has been up a lot during the night just now I hope it’s not bothering you. Surely that’s manners? Then id be doing what I needed to minimise it and checking in with u. Of they are so sleep deprived then surely they wouldn’t want to cause that for someone else?! Some of the replies on here are mad!!

Can the council not monitor the noise via a recording device or something over the course of a week or something?

NickiHendrix · 03/01/2024 01:15

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 01:07

You can put area rugs/foam mats/carpeting down in heavy traffic areas (if they ever complain, that is) - and of course; make sure that your neighbours have a right to sleep.

Noise within reasonable hours is, of course, expected! No one should be expecting silence - unless they are delusional.

They are indeed renting. I have asked this same question - and all I got back was that they decided to buy a rug. I also suggested foam mats in the heavy traffic areas - which I'd pay for. I also offered to pay for carpeting! I suspect they don't want carpet.

Edited

So then what the hell is their problem? If you’ve even offered to pay for an alternative, why are they being cruel?

If my neighbour offered to pay for a different type of flooring then I’d be more than happy. Even if I didn’t want carpet at least my kid can run in peace and the neighbours are unbothered. I think you should keep on complaining to the owners until a permanent and adequate solution is provided.

Even if you also rent, you shouldn’t have to move because a kid is jumping at all hours of the morning. They don’t sound helpful at all, I’n not sure what else you can do other than complain

Joyonacake · 03/01/2024 01:15

Did you already post about this a few weeks ago? Sounds too familiar.

LifeExperience · 03/01/2024 01:18

If they managed to keep the child quiet for eight weeks, then they can keep the child quiet. They are choosing not to. Keep complaining, and ignore certain vile posters here who also couldn't be bothered to keep their children quiet. It's called establishing clear, simple rules and enforcing clear consequences every single time for undesirable behavior. More parents should try it.

LaurieStrode · 03/01/2024 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No.

That's their problem. They can take him outdoors, for a car ride or otherwise manage the situation without infringing on others.

It's complete bullshit to say they can't control the noise made by a school age child.

jannier · 03/01/2024 01:19

This reply has been deleted

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They can lay carpet as many flats force you too.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 01:21

Movingonup2023 · 03/01/2024 01:07

@sleeplessnights24 do you rent? Couldn’t find an answer to that sorry if u have answered already. Just thinking that if your landlord was to lose you due to the noise and likely several other tenants it might be worthwhile getting them to deal with it?

Also as a parent I understand that children can be hard to keep calm, up several times a night but I would do everything I could or be coming to you and saying sorry ds has been up a lot during the night just now I hope it’s not bothering you. Surely that’s manners? Then id be doing what I needed to minimise it and checking in with u. Of they are so sleep deprived then surely they wouldn’t want to cause that for someone else?! Some of the replies on here are mad!!

Can the council not monitor the noise via a recording device or something over the course of a week or something?

I own.

If you were my neighbour, I'd be utterly grateful - and personally think you were going above and beyond. Parents shouldn't have to bend over backwards for child-free neighbours - or any neighbours. They should, of course, be mindful and try to mitigate noise wherever/whenever possible - because let's face it - children are noisy. That's not me being rude/insulting about children - but rather just a fact.

At least you - as you say - would apologise and check in - because that's just basic manners. (More than basic manners actually to check in). I think what most people forget is that it's often the mere thought of other neighbours that counts.

This attitude of: 'Yeah, nothing I can do about it! Stuff you!' is bizarre - to put it lightly.

I, of course, have taken measures to drown it out from my side, but as per PPs, impact noise is very different than airborne noise - and these are not just brief periods of noise in the middle of the night. It's on/off until about 8am. Ironically; 8am is often the 'quiet time'.

If my neighbours had said they were trying to control the noise, apologised and said it was stressful for them too - I wouldn't be writing this now. Yes, they were polite (as was I) and they did indeed say they'd be mindful... but nothing changed. For 18 months this went on. They would tell me that what I was hearing wasn't happening, denying the running, saying they didn't understand why it was noisy when 'nothing was happening' etc... there's no need for blatant dishonesty - because all it does is breed hostility.

As I said; I have never lied about the noise, exaggerated it, I've never done the 'blast music on my ceiling' thing or used a broom to bang on the ceiling etc... I'm simply trying to find a solution - so that everyone can be happy.

I, of course, have taken measures to drown it out from my side, but as per PPs, impact noise is very different than airborne noise - and these are not just brief periods of noise in the middle of the night. It's on/off until about 8am. Ironically; 8am is often the 'quiet time'.

It looked like we were getting somewhere... for 8 weeks once their LL intervened. It didn't last.

OP posts:
watchingtheworldwithwoe · 03/01/2024 01:22

Ohh OP I empathise with you!! We have had a similar situation for the last couple of years. Unfortunately the people above are related to us so I have had to watch my step a lot more but it is infuriating. I, too have young children so completely understand the difficulties in trying to get them to be light on their feet but it doesn't stop my frustration at being awoken at 4 and 5am by 2 and 3 year olds running and jumping! Some days I can feel the vibrations and that is what wakes me more than the noise itself. I have no advice but just wanted you to know you're not the only person going through this type of thing! I am counting down the months until we can move out and I can sleep in peace (subject to my husband's snoring!)

WhatNoUsername · 03/01/2024 01:23

I cannot believe that anyone is trying to justify this.

There is no way I'd allow my child to run around repeatedly in the middle of the night disturbing the neighbours. And I have a child with ADHD! Thumping noises on your bedroom ceiling would keep anyone awake. And that's not something a neighbour should expect to have to put up with.

Even if they can't sleep they don't need to be running around. Parent your bloody child!

LaurieStrode · 03/01/2024 01:23

NickiHendrix · 03/01/2024 00:55

We live in a block of flats and my 2 year old is constantly running up and down the place. We have hard flooring too. If my neighbours downstairs complained then I’d feel sorry for them but what can really be done.

If they’re renting then why can’t the owners put down a different type of flooring so you can live in peace?

Control your offspring. Take them outdoors. Get carpet and padding.

Jesus Christ. And parents wonder why people detest them.

OhGoodie · 03/01/2024 01:24

Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...?

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!

Put it this way, if it’s disturbing you, it’s driving them to distraction. For all you know the kid has ADHD, which is damn near impossible to even diagnose before 5.

So suck it up.

Frangipanyoul8r · 03/01/2024 01:25

I'm simply trying to find a solution - so that everyone can be happy.

Don’t live in a flat if you want peace and quiet. That’s the solution.

WhatIsHeThinking · 03/01/2024 01:25

Your lease will entitle you to quiet enjoyment.

The owner of the upstairs flat is in breach of their covenant by permitting their tenants to behave this way. You should keep approaching the landlord to enforce the covenant for quiet enjoyment.

You may also have a case for private nuisance against the flat owner.

If you are serious about pursuing this please take some legal advice.

SleepingBeautySnores · 03/01/2024 01:25

OP you say that 'For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems'. Have you informed their landlord of this, as it seems it's perfectly possible for them to put a stop to the noise, but they just can't be bothered, or worse, stopped it for a while to get the landlord off their back, and then reverted to type.

RosieBurdock · 03/01/2024 01:28

Don't suck it up op. People telling you to do that don't care that you could have your job or your ability to drive safely put at risk by being woken constantly.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 01:28

Frangipanyoul8r · 03/01/2024 01:25

I'm simply trying to find a solution - so that everyone can be happy.

Don’t live in a flat if you want peace and quiet. That’s the solution.

We had a solution. For 8 weeks.

By your logic, no one living in a flat is ever entitled to sleep at night in their places?

Please read my PP where I say: 'For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway)'.

OP posts:
NickiHendrix · 03/01/2024 01:28

LaurieStrode · 03/01/2024 01:23

Control your offspring. Take them outdoors. Get carpet and padding.

Jesus Christ. And parents wonder why people detest them.

I’m sorry to tell you that my 2 year has Autism and cannot be controlled. She can’t sit down any longer than probably 2/3 minutes. She’s constantly walking and running on her tip toes, jumping up and down the flat and stimming when she’s excited and happy. This includes spinning and running everywhere.

She goes outside everyday and spends 5/7 days at nursery. My LL won’t allow any changes to the interior of the flat and I’m lucky enough to have no issues with my neighbours downstairs.

Jesus Christ. You’re really on a Parenting forum talking about people detesting parents. Get a life