She won't let me in her house

[Xmasdread22]

I have a friend I met through work. We've been friends 5 years. She doesn't let any friends in her house. We've been on nights out and to meals together but she won't let anyone in her house. I dropped her home the other day and I was desperate for the toilet and she wouldn't let me in to use it. Has anyone else had this before?

😂😂😂😂

Obviously a mumsnetter.....

MN, you can be horrible at times.

My best friend hasn't let me in her house for the last two years.

She's not a hoarder.
She's not dirty.
She's not farming drugs.
She's not mean.

What she is, is a person who has developed significant MH issues around OCD during COVID. She doesn't want anyone bringing anything into her home, her safe place, that she perceives as a risk.

We've known each other for over 30 years, so I could tease out of her why she wouldn't let me in. She is really embarrassed about the ridiculous thoughts she believes, but she can't help believe them.

Some of you MN users need more compassion in your lives and far less judgement.

I have a close friend who is a hoarder. I haven't been inside her house in 15 years, even her garden is full. It's really sad. She will buy new appliances rather than let a repairman into her house.

Weed farm.

My husband is a terrible hoarder and our house is an extension of the shed and garage. I can't let anyone in the house and DS can't even have play dates. It's one of the reasons our marriage is on its last legs.

'Hello, is this social services? I think my colleague's children are in danger because she wouldn't let me use her toilet.'

maybe she has a drunk husband at home?

It seems odd and weirdly I’d be worried but then there’s people on mn who say they don’t’let’ visitors in that don’t give them plenty of warning!!!

What on earth makes you think that?

Why are you assuming she's miserable though?
Some people are happiest in their own company and own space.
Don't mock it just because you don't understand it.

I agree with this

The irony.......

I hate having folk in my house (other than those I live with), and even more so when it's unexpected.
House does need a decoration update (in progress soon) but that's not why, because I also hated having people visit in my previously lovely decorated flats (one I owned, others I rented). I just don't feel comfortable with others in my space. I don't really like going to other's houses either and prefer outside or neutral locations.

We do have one easily accessible loo though, so could offer that if really had to (though would still prefer somebody didn't ask tbh).

It's ok to protect your own space, if that's what works for you. It doesn't mean there definitely are hoarding or other issues - of course we don't know for sure here, but not really sure we need to either.

i dont blame her for not wanting a nosy colleague/friend in to use the loo

Perhaps she sees her home as her personal space and doesn't like people in it. Many are like this.

I don’t let anyone in my house due to my upbringing.
having no privacy or control over your life will do that to you.
I’m not a hoarder or messy, I just don’t like people

I'd say a hoarder. I had a friend. known him all my life. We would talk on the street, or outside his front door, or in the park. He would come to my house and sit inside, but he would never invite me into his, and I never asked. He died a few months ago, and his family said his house was absolutely chocka!

I dare say she was afraid of the OP finding out that she’s got a toilet brush - 🤮! - and shunning her for ever more.

I agree . Lots of PPs letting their imagination run riot !

It might be you!

I have a friend who is always trying to invite herself into my house. Now I host regularly for other people but this one particular friend is not stepping a foot through my door.

The reason? She's a gossip. When we meet she'll gossip about mutual friends weight, appearance, how clean or dirty their houses are etc. If I let her into my house then I am opening myself up to be gossiped about and our decor tastes are very different in that I prefer a dark academia look to her minimalism. I don't want our mutual friends being told my house is filthy (like she does to me about them when they're not, they're just pretty normal) and I don't want to be judged because I leave my shoes on in the house and expect guests to too.

You might not be like my friend, but this is the reason this one person doesn't get an invite to mine. She's the only one though, I host for others quite regularly. Ironically, we're still in touch because I feel a bit sad for her because she struggles to keep friends and is often lonely. Even more ironic is that she'll post on SM about being kind and not saying anything if you can't say something nice but in person has no conversation beyond how dirty someone's nails are or if they're so fat they look pregnant.

My mum was hoarder and the shame of living in a house like that is unbearable. She never let anyone in and neither did I. I practically died of embarrassment everytime I walked through my own front door, the thought of allowing anyone else into our hovel filled me with enough anxiety to give me a bloody heart attack. Even now I've been living on my own for 20 years in my clutter free, clean home, I still feel anxious letting people in. You have no idea.

My mum isn't rude, unkind, or a bitch. She's a woman with a mental health condition.

Not if she is embarrassed about her house for whatever reason and knows anyone she lets in will obviously tell everyone about it. If I knew my friend didn’t ever let anyone in I’d have gone to the loo before I got in the car. I have sympathy on both sides, desperately needing the loo is awful, but she obviously has private reasons for this and it’s no one else’s business.

I dropped her home the other day and I was desperate for the toilet

Unless you have a health condition, how long was the journey that you became desperate for the toilet?

Couldn't you have used the bathroom at work or the restaurant or wherever you had come from?

This made me laugh out loud 😂