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AIBU?

Teenage daughters attitude

186 replies

Cheesybeansontoastftw · 31/12/2023 10:35

My 13 year old DD is well known for needing her sleep and being pretty grumpy if she doesn’t get enough. She is the same with food she gets extremely hangry and will sometimes be found crying for no reason. Give her a bit of fruit or toast and like magic she is fine again.

This morning 10:20am she come thudding downstairs, walks up to me and thumps me on the head. She shouts 'you woke me up with your laughter' she then grabs her phone and thuds back upstairs.

She is clearly upset that me and DH were having a nice time having coffee and a chat about Yorkshire puddings.

AIBU to think I can laugh in my own home? Is this normal for a teenager? Am I an awful mother? Do I need to spend the rest of her teenage years tiptoeing around joyless and whispering so I don't accidentally wake her up?

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PixieLaLar · 02/01/2024 22:56

She is joint head of her year at school, she is a budy for new children, does school tours and is a library monitor. She is in the orchestra, drama club, ice skates and helps at rainbows once a week. She is a good girl.

Wow, and you are a massively delusional parent. Do you honestly think that because your teen attends these classes she is a nice person? You need to wake up and parent.

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PixieLaLar · 02/01/2024 23:00

Cheesybeansontoastftw · 01/01/2024 17:53

She doesn't have ADHD it's jusy something tbe teachers have said we should investigate. I didn't use it as an excuse and I'm bored of this now. If you don't read the post don't comment!

Yet you thought you would just drip drip drip about your DD’s non ADHD to make people feel sorry for her…you need to seriously wake up

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Cheesybeansontoastftw · 02/01/2024 23:06

PixieLaLar · 02/01/2024 22:56

She is joint head of her year at school, she is a budy for new children, does school tours and is a library monitor. She is in the orchestra, drama club, ice skates and helps at rainbows once a week. She is a good girl.

Wow, and you are a massively delusional parent. Do you honestly think that because your teen attends these classes she is a nice person? You need to wake up and parent.

Oh I'm awake look I a m t y p i n g t h i s r e p l y. You can accuse me of a lot and I can see you have outdone yourself with that but you cannot accuse me of not being awake! I hardly sleep at all now that I have all the worry about my parenting and being passive and non violent to think through. Thank thr Lord I'm not perfect like you or I could be snoring away and not typing this crap to an aggressive unpleasant stranger. Good night

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Highlyflavouredgravy · 02/01/2024 23:10

Cheesybeansontoastftw · 02/01/2024 20:20

Obviously, yes, she gets her violin and hits the teacher on the head, then slaps her in the face with the bow! That's what you want to think, isn't it. I give up you are all absolutely ridiculous.

The point I was making is that she is perfectly capable of controlling her emotions outside the house no matter how hungry or tired she is.

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Coolhwip · 02/01/2024 23:41

I took her a flapjack and a cup of tea then she came down and gave me a hug.

So the consequences for thumping her mum on the head was a flapjack and brew?🙄

Sounds like you and DH got the dd you enabled.

Too bad she saves her violence for you. Something tells me she doesn’t hit men.

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Diamondcurtains · 02/01/2024 23:44

She actually thumped you on the head? Jesus ! Not absolutely not normal or acceptable. I have 4 kids 2 adults, 2 teens, none of then would ever have done anything like that!!

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Mistressofnone · 02/01/2024 23:50

Show her the laws on acceptable noise levels before 11pm and after 7am.

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Christmaslights21 · 02/01/2024 23:54

Your child’s behaviour is disgusting. All I’m seeing from you is excuses. “Tired, hungry, grumpy”. Shes 13, not 3. No wonder she runs rings around you.
Bet she wouldn’t thump anyone else!
soft arsed parenting is ruining this generation of kids, honestly.

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5128gap · 03/01/2024 11:01

Its possible that your turn the other cheek, meet violence with appeasement approach will make your DD feel horribly guilty for attacking her blameless, gentle and understanding mother. (Which is actually not that healthy a dynamic anyway. But that's by the by) But yes, its possible that she will remember how kind you were and learning from your example, never repeat the behaviour.
However, realistically, the odds are against it. If a person's go to response to feeling irritable is violence against a person who loves and cares for them, violence that's not uncontrolled given it doesnt manifest elsewhere, so is calculated; I'm not sure they will be guilt tripped out of that. Far more likely you create an emotional conflict, where you make her feel bad about herself as youre so lovely and shes so awful, and she resents you for it and the cycle continues. Not to mention her increasing disrespect for your weakness.
Somewhere along the line, your DD has come to believe its OK to hurt you if she feels like it. For the sake of your relationship, she needs to unlearn this. It doesn't seem rational to assume that continuing with the same responses that have led her to think she doesn't need to (quite literally) pull her punches where you're concerned is the best way to help her learn otherwise.
I get that you're invested in your parenting approach, but no approach works for everyone all the time. Its different tools for different jobs. You asked if this is normal. It's not. And its potentially serious, so it might be time to at least consider another approach.

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Ruffpuff · 03/01/2024 11:03

Umm stop excusing her behaviour. She’s 13, not 2. Being hungry or tired is her issue to learn to manage.

She hit you? At 13? And that’s ok??

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PixieLaLar · 03/01/2024 16:56

She hit you? At 13? And that’s ok??

Yes it’s fine because didn’t you know she got her period, got woken up at 10am, gets hangry, the school said she might have ADHD and she’s a good girl because she plays in the orchestra so what she really needed is tea a flapjack and a hug.

Utter nonsense 🤣🤣🤣

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