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AIBU?

Teenage daughters attitude

186 replies

Cheesybeansontoastftw · 31/12/2023 10:35

My 13 year old DD is well known for needing her sleep and being pretty grumpy if she doesn’t get enough. She is the same with food she gets extremely hangry and will sometimes be found crying for no reason. Give her a bit of fruit or toast and like magic she is fine again.

This morning 10:20am she come thudding downstairs, walks up to me and thumps me on the head. She shouts 'you woke me up with your laughter' she then grabs her phone and thuds back upstairs.

She is clearly upset that me and DH were having a nice time having coffee and a chat about Yorkshire puddings.

AIBU to think I can laugh in my own home? Is this normal for a teenager? Am I an awful mother? Do I need to spend the rest of her teenage years tiptoeing around joyless and whispering so I don't accidentally wake her up?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

300 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
8%
You are NOT being unreasonable
92%
Beezknees · 31/12/2023 11:29

Being a bit grumpy and hormonal is normal, yes.

Hitting is not and there's no way I would accept that. My DS is almost 16 and bigger than me, if he hit me on the head he could seriously injure me. You must nip this in the bud immediately.

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PubicZirconia · 31/12/2023 11:35

She hit you on the head?!!

What happened next?Did one of you follow her and remove the phone?

Rude little madam.

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Paddleboarder · 31/12/2023 11:37

It's normal for them to be grumpy, not normal to hit you.

Teenagers might sleep in late, but in our house other people don't have to be quiet if it's within the times of normal living.

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SuitYouSir · 31/12/2023 11:39

I misread and actually thought you were talking about a 3 year old and still thought it was a bit much. At 13 that’s beyond rude and unacceptable.

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VirtualRealitee · 31/12/2023 11:39

Another one hit wonder from an OP 🙄

Honestly, if MNHQ cleared out all the threads where the OPs haven't bothered coming back, this forum would be empty.

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Cheesybeansontoastftw · 31/12/2023 11:50

Nope I'm here!

I had a good chat with DD after reading through the first few comments. I realised that this was not right but also that it's not her normal behaviour which is why I needed some perspective.

After a chat she got her period in the night and is not in the best of moods this is fair enough. She is still trying to work her way through this woman stuff which is hard and I understand. I took her a flapjack and a cup of tea then she came down and gave me a hug.

She knows what she did wasn't right but it think everything was going wrong for her and she just needed more sleep, a shower, and some quite. She ss far from a brat normally which is why it really took me aback.

OP posts:
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Daisybuttercup12345 · 31/12/2023 11:53

VirtualRealitee · 31/12/2023 10:44

FFS what a stupid question OP.

I was already rolling my eyes at you excusing her attitude due to being 'hangry'.

So what is/was the consequence of her hitting you on the head?

I can tell you now, that phone would've come straight off of her if she was my child and she wouldn't be getting it back for a long time.

Agree with this.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 31/12/2023 11:55

Are you okay with her thumping other people cos she’s got her period and needs more sleep? You are taking the absolute piss. It’s completely unacceptable and you’re handling it badly.

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VirtualRealitee · 31/12/2023 11:56

Cheesybeansontoastftw · 31/12/2023 11:50

Nope I'm here!

I had a good chat with DD after reading through the first few comments. I realised that this was not right but also that it's not her normal behaviour which is why I needed some perspective.

After a chat she got her period in the night and is not in the best of moods this is fair enough. She is still trying to work her way through this woman stuff which is hard and I understand. I took her a flapjack and a cup of tea then she came down and gave me a hug.

She knows what she did wasn't right but it think everything was going wrong for her and she just needed more sleep, a shower, and some quite. She ss far from a brat normally which is why it really took me aback.

More excuses?

So next time she's hungry, tired or on a period she can thump people, or is it just you she's allowed to thump?

If she starts thumping kids at school are you going to tell the teacher she couldn't help it because she was hungry/tired/on a period?

"AIBU that my DD thumped another child and the teacher refused to bring her a flapjack and a cup of tea?"

Catch yourself on OP or you'll really have problems when she gets further into her teens.

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Beezknees · 31/12/2023 12:02

OP in the kindest possible way you're being far too soft which is probably why she thought she could get away with it.

ALL teenage girls go through this and they don't all go around being violent. This isn't a special case. I had a baby as a teen and I bloody needed more sleep and some quiet but I didn't hit anyone. You can't go around having tantrums when things aren't going your way.

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Hairyfairy01 · 31/12/2023 12:02

Wow. I never knew it was ok to thump people in the head for laughing in their own home when you get your period. Seriously OP, if you can't see how wrong both yours and hers behaviour is I can only wish you both the best of luck.

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Lizzbear · 31/12/2023 12:04

I agree that daughter's shouldn't hit their mothers, obviously.
I also think it's up to the OP how she deals with it.
You know your own daughter, op, and if this is truly a "one-off" then hugging and a chat can sometimes be the answer.
Having said that, I'm conflict averse, so always prefer to solve things amicably.

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Highlyflavouredgravy · 31/12/2023 12:10

Good luck with this! You've just shown her that she can pretty much do s she likes!

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Createausername1970 · 31/12/2023 12:11

Not really acceptable and I had to negotiate a minefield of teenage crap.

You definitely need to be having a strong conversation around her behaviour when she is hungry. Being grumpy is one thing, but physically hitting you - or anybody - is NOT ACCEPTABLE and if she pulls that stunt again there WILL be consequences.

I also agree about getting it checked out. My FIL turned out to be diabetic after displaying some out of character behaviours.

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Balloonhearts · 31/12/2023 13:43

You are way too soft and she's going to end up hurt by someone bigger or in court for assault if she carries on. She's already over the age of criminal responsibility. She does it at school and the other kids parent calls the police she'd be held accountable.

Don't get me wrong I'll hit back. If someone starts something I'm more than happy to finish it but I've never hit someone in anger and blamed hormones. It just wouldn't fly. Imagine her stood in court trying to defend herself! Sorry your Honour, I was hangry is not going to cut it and when an employer questions her criminal record and assault charge, they're unlikely to accept it and hire her either.

I have awful PMS. I'm snappy, impatient, irritable and everyone and everything pisses me off. I have never hit someone. Its not an excuse. If you don't come down on her someone else will and its unlikely to end as well for her.

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Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2023 13:54

You are being unreasonable in that your 13 yo feels entitled to assault you with no fear of consequences. Which is clearly a good reading of the situation on her part, since her parents apparently sat there like a pair of lemmings after the incident, before her mother takes to the internets to ask strangers if her daughter was justified in doing what she did.

...And continues in double down on defending her in a subsequent post.

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stomachameleon · 31/12/2023 13:55

Whatever crappola excuses you have have just given your daughter hit you and that's not ok.
'I took her a flapjack and a cup of tea'
Why?
What are you teaching her?
I despair.

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Maray1967 · 31/12/2023 13:59

Rachie1973 · 31/12/2023 10:52

Thumped you on the head?

I’d be up those stairs behind her and removing the phone! Obnoxious child!

Also, she’s 13! Old enough to understand she needs a snack. Are you her mother or her slave?

Same here. I would have marched up the stairs and taken the phone back, forcefully if necessary. No DC hits me without serious consequences (I have never been hit).

You are seriously under reacting here.

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VirtualRealitee · 31/12/2023 14:05

The next time someone posts about being physically attacked, I might suggest they bring the assailant a cup of tea and a flapjack.

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Vitriolinsanity · 31/12/2023 14:10

I can tell you without reservation that a child thumping me in the head for any reason would have short, sharp, extremely unpleasant consequences.

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Vitriolinsanity · 31/12/2023 14:14

And it would not involve tea or sodding flapjacks.

I'm trying and failing to imagine hitting my mum at 13.

Being a teen is no excuse for being a spiteful, aggressive yob.

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Legendairy · 31/12/2023 14:17

I'd be fuming if my teen hit me. Basically because she's hormonal it's excused?

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margotrose · 31/12/2023 14:22

So your 13yo stomped downstairs and hit you on the head, and you rewarded her with tea, flapjacks and a hug?

What the fuck 🫣

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NeedToChangeName · 31/12/2023 14:25

YABVU for thinking her hormones justify hitting you around the head

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TheSunIsShiningAndTheSkyIsBlue · 31/12/2023 14:25

You need to be careful, this behaviour will esculate, my friends daughter an absolute spoilt brat who kicks doors, damages property, shouts and screams obscenities as well as lashing out at her Mum. Her Mum has always been far too soft, like you she will reward and behaviour and now daughter is 20 and police are finally involved after years of abuse.

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