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AIBU?

Teenage daughters attitude

186 replies

Cheesybeansontoastftw · 31/12/2023 10:35

My 13 year old DD is well known for needing her sleep and being pretty grumpy if she doesn’t get enough. She is the same with food she gets extremely hangry and will sometimes be found crying for no reason. Give her a bit of fruit or toast and like magic she is fine again.

This morning 10:20am she come thudding downstairs, walks up to me and thumps me on the head. She shouts 'you woke me up with your laughter' she then grabs her phone and thuds back upstairs.

She is clearly upset that me and DH were having a nice time having coffee and a chat about Yorkshire puddings.

AIBU to think I can laugh in my own home? Is this normal for a teenager? Am I an awful mother? Do I need to spend the rest of her teenage years tiptoeing around joyless and whispering so I don't accidentally wake her up?

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Am I being unreasonable?

300 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
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You are NOT being unreasonable
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JenniferJuniper80 · 31/12/2023 16:27

Her behaviour was beyond appalling. You've rewarded her. Then defended her. Sorry op, but she is a brat and you've not only not punished her dreadful behaviour, but you reward her with maid service to her bed!
She's going to run Rings around you. And you deserve it.

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Pussycatmom · 31/12/2023 16:27

So would you be fine if someone thumped your DD because they were hormonal? It’ll only escalate if you allow it!

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arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2023 16:31

We're not here to be friends to our children op; we're here to make sure that they know you don't hit someone regardless of how tired/hungry/periody you are.

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snowlady4 · 31/12/2023 16:37

My goodness. I'm astonished. I grew up in a house with a sibling like this and my parents did precisely what you are doing- nothing, pussy footing around the (blindingly obvious,) issues and making excuses for appalling behaviour. Ended up with my mother suffering years of abuse from my sibling.
Do you normally give flapjacks and hugs to people who assault you? So what uf she's hungry/tired/has her period- that's life!
Honestly, have a strong word with yourself.. you aren't doing her any favours by letting her behave like this.
I don't know how you resisted going up the stairs after her what for. You're much calmer than I'd be. Phone would be gone and so would any activities she likes.
I would also tell her you are well within reason to ring the police on her- as that's what happens in life if you assault people.
Little brat. Be careful or you will have a bully on your hands.

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Cheesybeansontoastftw · 31/12/2023 19:23

@Rainbowhermit Thank you for being kind it's not been an easy day reading all of these comments. I'm apparently a terrible mother, raising a violent child who will become some kind of violent adult ruling over the family woth threats of violence!

We have discussed getting my daughter assessed for ADHD with her school before. She is a good girl with plenty of friends but very very quiet and calm at school but their believe she may have ADHD OR ADD. It's not something I had actually thought about recently because the camhs referal times are so long and she is pretty chilled most of the time. The school know more about these things than me and I have to say I thought they were being a bit OTT because sometime drifts away into her imagination in class.

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VirtualRealitee · 31/12/2023 19:29

I'm apparently a terrible mother, raising a violent child who will become some kind of violent adult ruling over the family woth threats of violence!

No-one called you a 'terrible mother' but if you don't stop making excuses for her when she gets violent, then yes, you may well have a violent teenager/adult on your hands.

So hunger and periods don't affect her behavior at school? Does this not prove to you that she can behave when she knows she won't get away with bad behaviour?

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lovelyoldtree · 31/12/2023 19:59

(Mother of an adult daughter here;) you had me until you said "Thumped me on the head." How dare she do that to you (or anyone.) This needs severe consequences, and mustn't happen again.

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stomachameleon · 31/12/2023 20:15

@Cheesybeansontoastftw are you using that as an excuse for assaulting you?

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Notchangingnameagain · 31/12/2023 20:17

@Cheesybeansontoastftw WTF.

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Notchangingnameagain · 31/12/2023 20:20

You keep minimising.

ADHD or any other SEN is still NO excuse for violence.

Even parents of SEN children who are BEATEN daily are well aware that, it is NOT ok.

Yes, your DD may have ADHD but she still needs to be told that violence is NOT ok EVER.

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KarenNotAKaren · 31/12/2023 20:28

She shouts 'you woke me up with your laughter' she then grabs her phone and thuds back upstairs

Id have burst into laughter and pocketed that one for her 18th birthday.

I have a pre-teen so on a serious note my sympathy is with you. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone half the time. Who knew by simply existing that I could be such an inconvenience!

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EKGEMS · 31/12/2023 20:34

I wouldn't be here today reading this thread had I even thought of assaulting my mother- tbh I probably would've lost my ever loving shit. I have a special needs adult son and when he got violent at 14 I sought help and long st

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EKGEMS · 31/12/2023 20:34

Sorry hit post too early-long story short we got assistance

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AllAroundMyCat · 31/12/2023 20:41

CAMHS referral or not, your child should not be hitting you.
And bring 'hangry' is no excuse either.

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Cherrysoup · 31/12/2023 20:41

You cannot allow hitting, she would have some very serious consequences for that. She doesn’t get to control you by using violence, that’s disgusting.

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margotrose · 31/12/2023 20:44

ADHD is no excuse for thumping you on the head.

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moonbeammagic · 31/12/2023 20:46

KarenNotAKaren · 31/12/2023 20:28

She shouts 'you woke me up with your laughter' she then grabs her phone and thuds back upstairs

Id have burst into laughter and pocketed that one for her 18th birthday.

I have a pre-teen so on a serious note my sympathy is with you. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone half the time. Who knew by simply existing that I could be such an inconvenience!

Did you miss the bit where she hits her mother? Definitely not a funny anecdote for her 18th birthday.

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KarenNotAKaren · 31/12/2023 20:48

moonbeammagic · 31/12/2023 20:46

Did you miss the bit where she hits her mother? Definitely not a funny anecdote for her 18th birthday.

Yes. She didn’t include that in her OP.

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PurpleBugz · 31/12/2023 20:49

I'd turn the Wi-Fi off for that. Not acceptable behaviour

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CagneyAndLazy · 31/12/2023 20:50

KarenNotAKaren · 31/12/2023 20:48

Yes. She didn’t include that in her OP.

This morning 10:20am she come thudding downstairs, walks up to me and thumps me on the head. She shouts 'you woke me up with your laughter' she then grabs her phone and thuds back upstairs.

It was in the OP. The sentence before the one you quoted.

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moonbeammagic · 31/12/2023 20:50

You are not a terrible mother OP, or DH a terrible father (as your daughter has two parents) but there need to be consequences to her behaviour - she hits you and neither you or your husband do or say anything to her. Seriously?

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KarenNotAKaren · 31/12/2023 20:51

CagneyAndLazy · 31/12/2023 20:50

This morning 10:20am she come thudding downstairs, walks up to me and thumps me on the head. She shouts 'you woke me up with your laughter' she then grabs her phone and thuds back upstairs.

It was in the OP. The sentence before the one you quoted.

Well this is embarrasing. I read that as ‘thumped down the stairs’.

Ignore my PP

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PinkCandles · 31/12/2023 20:56

Well done for rewarding your dd for hitting you on the head with a nice chat, flapjack, cup of tea and a hug. That'll definitely stop her from doing it again.

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Mariposistaa · 31/12/2023 21:25

Absolutely shocking behaviour

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Hankunamatata · 31/12/2023 21:30

How dare you even breath loudly around your dd!
I have vote yabu as we parents are designed to irritate with our very presence or proximity. We are jot worthy to share their air or space. We are only needed to provide food and lifts and clean clothes.
Solidarity teen suck ass

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