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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel let down by family at Christmas

328 replies

Babyandfurbabymum · 31/12/2023 06:32

I had arranged for myself and DC to spend Christmas with my parents as have been unwell this past year with a rare soft tissue infection requiring numerous surgeries.

I had arranged to drive to my parents as mum has early stage dementia and dad has developed a motorway phobia during Covid.

I had a TIA (mini stroke) connected to my infection so I couldn't drive for 6 months so my MOT expired. Took it in for MOT and service as usual, but due to it being off the road for so long it needed additional parts that weren't in stock. (It's an older Mini Roadster so they said they'd need to order but that their warehouse was closing for Christmas).

I looked into getting the train instead, but we live in a village and no buses run on a Sunday (which xmas eve fell on). I couldn't afford a taxi at time and a half on xmas eve to get to the next town where the station is because money is tight this year as I haven't been able to work due to my illness.

I asked my dad if he could possibly pick us up as I'd found a non motorway route. I also asked my brother as its a 1 hour 10 minute drive each way. (My brother always goes to my parents as his wife is Italian, so always goes back to her mum in Italy).

My brother blanked my email. My dad messaged back to say that wouldn't be possible as he'd made plans with my brother that wouldn't allow for 2 and a half hours out of their time to come and get us. He seemed irritated and said 'you said you were driving here!'. Even tho I explained the unexpected problem with my car.

I made the best of it with crackers left over from last year etc. And had presents here for DS. And luckily managed to pull together a roast as had stuff in the freezer. But it wasn't as nice as usual as I hadn't bought the 'extras' I would have bought had I known we'd be at home on our own.

I feel upset and let down though by my dad and brother.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CanImakethisbetter · 31/12/2023 06:33

When did you ask them to come for you?

Dontsparethehorses · 31/12/2023 06:34

It’s sad but it isn’t your dh or db fault- when your cars fixed could you go visit them for a late celebration?

KvotheTheBloodless · 31/12/2023 06:34

YANBU, they sound extremely selfish. Is there a back story, do you usually get on with your brother?

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 06:35

what kind of a relationship with your brother do you have?

It doesn’t look like they invited you. it looks like you “arranged” to go to your parents

how close are you and how often do you see your parents?

and how close do all this happen before christmas?

KvotheTheBloodless · 31/12/2023 06:35

CanImakethisbetter · 31/12/2023 06:33

When did you ask them to come for you?

Actually this is a good point - how much notice did you give? As a car needing an MOT/fixing isn't a last-minute thing.

Original poster
Babyandfurbabymum · 31/12/2023 06:36

Christmas Eve around midday when garage was closing

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 31/12/2023 06:37

I think that was too late to expect people to change plans.

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 06:37

good grief Op you left everything so last minute your car.

I suspect you aren’t close at all to your brother

and i am with your father that completely unreasonable to have him and your bother do a 2.5 hour journey on christmas eve afternoon having been given minutes notice

Willmafrockfit · 31/12/2023 06:38

you did leave it a bit late but they were unkind not to collect you op
how did you celebrate christmas?

GreatBigYou · 31/12/2023 06:39

It's crazy to expect someone to do over a two hour round trip to collect you, especially at short notice.

Christmaslights21 · 31/12/2023 06:40

It’s a shame but I don’t think they were unreasonable. Sounds like you aren’t close with your brother (my sister would think it completely weird if I emailed her over this instead of calling or WhatsApp) and your poor dad seems to have a lot on his plate. Why did you leave your MOT so last minute?
im glad you managed to salvage christmas day with your son. Hopefully next year will be a bit more festive

CanImakethisbetter · 31/12/2023 06:40

Babyandfurbabymum · 31/12/2023 06:36

Christmas Eve around midday when garage was closing

So you were going to your parents. For Christmas.

You knew your car needed an mot and service and you waited until Christmas Eve to book it in. It was a huge risk that you car wouldn’t be drivable that day.

Is there a possibility they all feel you did it on purpose so someone would go for you and you never intended to drive yourself?

Asking people to take 2.5 hours out of their Christmas Eve at mid day Christmas Eve, isn’t really reasonable. Especially, if it’s down to poor planning on your part.

I can understand feeling down. But I can understand their reluctance as well.

What was the thing he was doing with your brother? What’s your relationship usually like with your brother?

Newuser75 · 31/12/2023 06:41

Maybe your brother didn't check his emails on Christmas Eve.
Also when booking the car in I'd have expected that there may be a wait for parts etc as this often happens.
I'm sorry you had to spend Christmas just you and your child but kindly I wouldn't have expected people drop their plans at such short notice. However, I do think I'd be a bit upset too.

WaltzingWaters · 31/12/2023 06:41

I’m sorry OP, it’s sounds like you’ve had a really tough year and well done for making the most of it.
Whilst it would have been nice if they could have picked you up, it was very very last minute and you really should have arranged your MOT for earlier (weeks before xmas), especially knowing it hadn’t been used much the past year and probably needed things doing to it, so it was ready for Christmas use. Expecting people to change plans at the very last minute to pick you up is a big ask.

everyredsock · 31/12/2023 06:41

Most people don't check emails regularly - especially not on Christmas Eve. Why didn't you call your brother instead?
It all sounds a bit last minute.

FrenchandSaunders · 31/12/2023 06:42

I would have done this without a thought but I know people who wouldn’t. I’ve done loads of long trips for our adult DDs, some where DH thinks I’m being taken for a mug but I think even he would have done this trip.

Have you spoken to them since?

Scarydinosaurs · 31/12/2023 06:42

You left it too late to ask, and emailing is not the way to get a response quickly.

Your car should have been sorted earlier. A hire car for you would have been a solution.

ElevenSeven · 31/12/2023 06:42

Lack of organisation caused this, sorry. Older cars will almost always need something done as part of an MOT and they don’t hold many parts there.

FrenchandSaunders · 31/12/2023 06:43

Also the shops were open until 4 on Xmas eve so you could have bought some more stuff when you knew you’d be at home. Disappointing though.

MintJulia · 31/12/2023 06:43

ha ha ha

Yabvu. Christmas Eve was a Sunday. Did you find a garage that works on a Sunday?

Anyway, the roads were horrendous and they may have already planned their afternoon, been busy with food, wrapping, seeing friends - all the things people do on Christmas Eve. I wouldn't have driven for two and a half hours at no notice either.

Why did you leave it to the last minute? It's your own fault really. Sorry.

DisforDarkChocolate · 31/12/2023 06:45

I think that was far too late to ask most people but I think lots of family would have made the trip.

I expect they were very annoyed at your lack of organisation.

Original poster
Babyandfurbabymum · 31/12/2023 06:45

To be fair, I only asked midday Christmas Eve but said I'd be happy to be picked up anytime up to late afternoon Xmas Day. It's 1 hour 10 mins from theirs to mine. I thought the car would be ready in time as booked it in 48 hours before for MOT, Service and also the parts the car computer said it required e. g. Rear brake pads (which they ordered in) was a surprise it needed other things just due to being stationery for 9 months

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyandfurbabymum · 31/12/2023 06:48

I couldn't sadly as I live in a village and without a car couldn't get out anywhere

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 31/12/2023 06:49

It's 1 hour 10 mins from theirs to mine

Each way, yes? So by the time you get the baby and the stuff in the car, it’s a two-and-a-half hour round trip. And the same to go home the next day?

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 06:50

YABU (and it was bloomin relevant that all this happened on christmas eve midday but you thought you’d neglect to mention in your OP!)