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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have xl bully stay

273 replies

Worndownbyit · 30/12/2023 20:19

My daughter has 2 dogs, one of which is an xl bully she has recently taken on. Personally I don't mind the xl, but I've grown up with animals, my husband hates the dog and has said that he doesn't want the dog coming when she comes to visit with our grandchildren.
I know this is going to cause a row and my daughter is likely to say she won't come down...(she lives at the opposite end of the country)
AIBU to tell her she can't bring the xl when she comes to visit or should my husband just suck it up?

OP posts:
ImNotReallySpartacus · 30/12/2023 21:03

Worndownbyit · 30/12/2023 20:54

My feelings don't trump my husbands at all, this is why I'm asking for opinions. I accept there are rights and wrongs on both sides but my husband is anti most dogs in general and more likely to believe the hype than a dog lover..

You mean he is less likely to believe the demented propaganda put out by the vicious-dog apologists. There is a reason why XLs are being made subject to legislation. The Government may not be all that bright, but they didn't just pick a breed at random and say 'let's target them just for the fun of it'.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 30/12/2023 21:04

Foxsoxandgloves · 30/12/2023 20:45

The fact its not spayed tells you everything you need to know about the type of owner she is so, no. I wouldn't have it to stay.

Actually what the past owner was like, since her DD hasn't had it long and it is booked in for spaying. Given what the past owner was like I would be questioning whether that type of owner would have told the truth about the dogs behaviour.

guineverehadgreeneyes · 30/12/2023 21:04

I would not allow an XL Bully in my home. I would not want anyone irresponsible enough to take on an XL Bully in my home, either.

Why? Just why? And she has children, too?

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:04

Xmaspudding23 · 30/12/2023 20:23

Its his house too... if he doesnt want the dog there then I dont see what the discussion is?

@Xmaspudding23 ignoring the breed for a moment. It's his house too as you said, not solely his house, why does what he wants trump what the OP wants??

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 21:04

Greenshake · 30/12/2023 20:59

Um….re-read your original comment. You said you wouldn’t allow any large breed dog of unknown history around your kids. Are you going to ask for a full breakdown of a dog’s past every time your kids come into contact with one?

Show quote history

I wouldn't alow a large breed in the house around kids, full stop.

The history is just another layer of confirmation, especially if unknown.

sadoldmum2018 · 30/12/2023 21:05

@Missingmyusername

The thing is if JRT goes for your face you might lose your eye.

If an XL goes for your face you will lose your life.

I know all dogs can turn.
It's the damage they inflict that's the difference.

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:05

Lifestooshort71 · 30/12/2023 20:23

Your husband has stated his view quite strongly and is concerned about safety. He should be listened to.

@Lifestooshort71

the man has spoken????

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 21:06

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:05

@Lifestooshort71

the man has spoken????

Show quote history

Not because he's a man but because he's bloody sensible.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 21:06

@Fionafaorta because it was my fault. He had dementia and I startled him.

My large breed wouldn’t kill me. He has been raised and trained well. He’s been into hospitals and I was asked by a consultant to consider him for canine therapy work.

Ponderingwindow · 30/12/2023 21:06

Absolutely no reason a dog of any breed needs to be allowed to visit your home. Part of pet ownership is having a reliable pet sitter.

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:07

ThomasinaLivesHere · 30/12/2023 20:23

I wouldn’t have such a dog around children.

@ThomasinaLivesHere

that's not the question, given they live with the dog.

crumblingschools · 30/12/2023 21:07

I wouldn’t have XL Bully in my house. I wouldn’t knowingly visit a house with one either

HelenHerriott · 30/12/2023 21:07

There’s not a hope in hell one of these things would be in my home or near me. If your DD chooses to have one that’s up to her but she can’t expect anyone else to like her dog. You just need to look at FB to see the feckless owners of these things begging for new homes for them and idiots offering homes to these dogs who have children and know nothing about the dog they’re taking on.

This is a FB group to “save the babies” 🙄. Some of the comments from people with children are, to say the least worrying.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/844358084008385/permalink/900108985099961/?mibextid=K35XfP&paipv=0&eav=AfaaQFW-7_iHxwchq5701qmcRFlKnRl-v3Di1-xng9RqHkmuTyZILsiAoB9FhYHwaAU&_rdr

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/groups/844358084008385/permalink/900108985099961/?mibextid=K35XfP&paipv=0&eav=AfaaQFW-7_iHxwchq5701qmcRFlKnRl-v3Di1-xng9RqHkmuTyZILsiAoB9FhYHwaAU&_rdr

StaunchMomma · 30/12/2023 21:07

I'm an animal person but I wouldn't allow an XL bully in my home, nor would I go into a house with one, or allow my children to.

The list of people these dogs have killed is extensive and in every case the owners, if they're not the one who's dead, claims it was 'a lovely dog'.

No feckin' chance.

Your DH has a brain in his head, unlike your DD if she has kids around that dog.

LolaSmiles · 30/12/2023 21:07

I wouldn't allow an XL bully in my house and wouldn't allow my children to go to a house that had one for a play date either.

I'd question your daughter's judgement here OP. She has a young child and has decided her priority is to get a new dog, unknown history and has been rehomed, and it's a breed that anyone who has done 10 seconds research is known to be risky.

MerryBlueberry · 30/12/2023 21:07

This is one of the things where if one partner says no that’s it, you both have to agree to do it. Like you both have to agree to have a baby, one can’t say yes. Or buying a house you both have to say yes.
She acquired a 3year old dog?

Esmerelda2024 · 30/12/2023 21:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 21:10

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 21:06

@Fionafaorta because it was my fault. He had dementia and I startled him.

My large breed wouldn’t kill me. He has been raised and trained well. He’s been into hospitals and I was asked by a consultant to consider him for canine therapy work.

😂😂

So if your large breed had dementia and you startled him he wouldn't do the exact same thing your JRT did?

Why not? Training doesn't stop dementia.

You people are so in denial.

HisNibs · 30/12/2023 21:11

So why exactly did this 3yr old XL bully happen to be in need of a new home?

kitsuneghost · 30/12/2023 21:12

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:05

@Lifestooshort71

the man has spoken????

Show quote history

No because everyone deserves to feel save if their own home, male or female

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:12

369damnshesfine · 30/12/2023 20:36

It’s your DHs home and I think his opinion trumps yours in this situation.

I assume that means she can’t come to visit though?

I have no issues with XL bullies, people act like they’re the only breed that can do harm.

But if your DH doesn’t want a dog in his home then that’s his right to say no.

@369damnshesfine

why? Man has spoken?

it's just as much the OP's home & she wants her daughter & GC to visit.

TeacherPlease · 30/12/2023 21:14

Hannah985 · 30/12/2023 20:46

Any dog can bite a child if not monitored. Hence why my comment was about the dog being muzzled around any children

I'm a veterinary nurse and unfortunately have done hundreds of euthanasia's on dogs that have bitten children over the past few years. Maybe 2 of these were on XL bullies/bull breeds.

My comment was simply trying to give a sensible answer and also empathising for the poor dog, who could be the sweetest girl, that everyone (who hasn't met her) is commenting about like she's a wild beast.

Show quote history

And the 6ft stocky male stranger that just walked past my house could be the love of my life, but I'm sure as hell not inviting him in while I'm home alone.

I'm also not letting in any dog that I'm not big enough to overpower.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 21:14

@Fionafaorta FML “you people” you need to check yourself. Are you always so dramatic.

My JRT didn’t develop dementia overnight. There was a lead up to his behavioural change. If my large breed (which you’ve assumed is XL) began to develop bitey behaviours of course that would be an issue.

I think you need to redirect your vitriol to the breeders. You can meanwhile clutch your pearls whilst idiots breed the next nightmare.

SmallestInTheClass · 30/12/2023 21:15

I wouldn't risk it. I think if your DH was refusing to listen to your worries then he'd be getting a roasting on here. You both have the right to feel relaxed and comfortable in your own home. I'd say she can't bring the XL Bully.

00100001 · 30/12/2023 21:15

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:12

@369damnshesfine

why? Man has spoken?

it's just as much the OP's home & she wants her daughter & GC to visit.

Show quote history

I'm sure she does. But if someone doesn't want a ginormous, smelly, potential killer, (that can in no way be controlled if it goes for something or someone in the house) they're entitled to say no.

It's irrelevant if OPs living with a man, woman or whatever. If someone doesn't want a dog in the house, they "win".