Husband wants kids to meet BIL's love children?

[perfumelover99]

So basically my husband has just told me that his brother has twins with another woman despite being married.

The twins are two years old and it had been very hush hush and even the wife didnt find out until recently, my husband knew from day one but I understand him not telling me as its none of my business.

My SIL is adamant that she does not want her kids meeting the twins or having anything to do with them and they are not aware that they have these new siblings.

The mother of the twins has requested via my BIL that she wants to meet us and our kids and sent us presents for the kids at Christmas.

Our children are 13, 10, 6 and 6 weeks old.

Im abit concerned about having our kids meet some random woman and how confusing it will be for our own kids explaining the situation especially since they are close with the cousins from the marriage and will obviously have to keep it a secret from the cousins are unaware of the twins and affair which I dont think is fair or right.

I also do not want my kids growing up thinking its acceptable to behave the way my BIL behaves and treats women.

The twins are innocent in all of this and I feel bad as most of the family have shunned them and have sided with my SIL who is now pregnant and if she gets wind that we may possibly meet this woman it will really upset her.

My husband and BIL are keen for meeting but I dont want my kids being caught in my BIL's mess.
I have told my husband that it will be best to wait until our kids are older and can make their own decisions.

My BIl is really upset by this and has stopped speaking to me and my husband.

Am I being unreasonable?

Maybe the mother should have thought of that before having an affair and kids with someone who made it clear they are married/an arsehole/wouldn’t leave their wife. Then sending a text to the wife to blow it up, in the hope he’d pick her.

The twins will be fine; other people won’t be if they are forced to have a relationship with them, as if anyone is going to welcome the product of their DH’s affair into the family with open arms

Lol at the person who said what happens when the OW needs help when she’s sick, how is that going to be something his wife will ever facilitate?

None of this is going to work, just stay out of it as much as you can, before it all erupts in disaster at some point.

I don’t think for the OW this is about the fathers family acknowledging the twins at all. I think she is trying to force his family to acknowledge the twins in a bid to force the twins existence out in to the open. Once everyone knows they exist it will cause so much stress, upset, humiliation to SIL she may decide that’s it and leave BIL. That will leave space for OW to enter and be with BIL.

I have zero sympathy for OW and BIL is a total shit and i hope he comes unstuck.

@ElevenSeven well who do you think should look after the twins if the mother is ill ? Granny, foster carers, Dad?
How's Dad explaining that away?

SIL is being incredibly nieve if she thinks all these kids are going to go through life without finding out about each others existence.
It will come out sooner or later, illness, trouble at school, random meeting in the supermarket, Facebook sooner or later it will come out

@Sugarfree23 someone on their mother’s side, presumably, if they continue to not have met anyone on their fathers side.

Why would the SIL care, was more my point? He can go and help if he needs to, why would anyone else get involved?

They can find out about each other without getting to know each other. I wouldn’t want anything to do with half siblings from a parents affair

I kind of assume they are seeing their Dad since he wants them to meet their cousins.
He'd be the obvious choice to look after them in any sort of situation when their mum can't look after them.

It's crazy to think they'll never see their Dads house or stay over with him. But he'll turn up for a few hours on a Tuesday night or whenever he sees them.

It actually might be worth meeting this woman once without the children, to clarify to her SIL is firmly in the picture, pregnant with BIL’s child that they are both thrilled about and not threatening suicide/mentally ill/happy to have an open relationship.

let’s face it BIL probably hasn’t been lying to his entire primary family but magically super honest with his other woman.

I disagree . Keep your kids as far away from this farce as possible.
Do you really want them to grow up that it’s ok to treat women in such a blasé demeaning manner. They are still young and impressionable .
As for your Husband. I would be very concerned about his attitude and blind belief that adultery is fine and it’s always someone else fault. Make sure you protect yourself financially and emotionally in case he decides to follow his brothers lead.

Exactly this

I cannot believe the post from much earlier in the thread in which a poster @PleaseBeADecentYear2024 suggests the BIL and his wife try to steal the other women's children. WTF?