Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are all men mean when they’ve had a few too many drinks?

182 replies

JKDcot · 29/12/2023 22:30

My Husband is a great man, kind, caring and sensible. But when he’s had too many drinks he just turns. He’s mean, arrogant, obnoxious and to be honest I don’t really like him when he’s been drinking. He doesn’t drink often - every few months, but when he’s passed a point, I just have no use to try and talk to him, reason, or try and have a nice evening.

Are they all like this?? My approach is just to realise when he’s starting to be a dick and then just write off the evening and do my own thing. By the morning he’s back to being nice. Any advice? Anyone else find this?

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 08:40

My DP is a daft, amusing drunk. So is my brother.

My sister is a horrible drunk though. First she gets very loud and over the top and then incredibly argumentative and angry.

ohdamnitjanet · 30/12/2023 08:40

I know a few men like this - but also a few women. Alcohol just affects some people really badly. But it can be a bit scary if it’s a man.

User135644 · 30/12/2023 08:42

I think people tend to be their true selves when they've had a few drinks.

If someone is an arsehole when they've had a drink, then they're probably just an arsehole. They just mask it when sober.

This isn't exclusive. Alcoholism can be complex.

AllTheChocolateButtons · 30/12/2023 09:02

No, mine gets pretty annoying though. Completely incoherent and stubborn. Likes a bit of an argument but usually one that makes no sense so i just leave him to it. I hate when he drinks too much, he has no off switch whereas I can always tell when another one will send me over the edge. His hangovers are awful, anxiety ridden things, with very loud burps and every breath out is accompanied by a sad little moan that makes me murderous.

Dontcallmescarface · 30/12/2023 09:03

ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 08:40

My DP is a daft, amusing drunk. So is my brother.

My sister is a horrible drunk though. First she gets very loud and over the top and then incredibly argumentative and angry.

Other than I don't have a brother, I could have written this word for word.

I love being in DP's company when he is drunk....my sister I avoid at all costs. I really don't need the drama.

cerisepanther73 · 30/12/2023 09:24

@User135644

Exactly you've hit the nail on the head 💯 per cent...
Totally agree

Doesn't it just reveal what utter Arseholes some people really are,

I've had misfortune to come across types like this too,

Beware danger 😳 alert.!

IncompleteSenten · 30/12/2023 09:27

No they're not.
All alcohol does is lower inhibitions. So the person you see is the person they are when they aren't able to control themselves or aren't concerned with consequences.
Not all men are nasty so not all men reveal that when drunk.

winniebeen · 30/12/2023 09:52

Nope. I even had one partner who was nicer when he was drunk!

TrashedSofa · 30/12/2023 10:02

No, when mines drunk he's stupid. Wouldn't have the bandwidth to be capable of being a dick at that point.

ClottedCreamScone · 30/12/2023 10:04

No. When my husband is drunk (which is rare) he tells me how much he loves me, how amazing I am, how lucky he is to have me.

I truly believe that if drinking made him mean to me, he wouldn’t do it. I think your husband should stop making excuses for behaving this way and start making sure it doesn’t happen again, even if that means not getting so drunk that he turns into a bastard.

OutYerEd · 30/12/2023 10:06

I’m a horror when I drink, which is why I no longer drink.

DH is mellow, humorous and a bit soppy when he’s had a few, so definitely ‘not all men’.

Cattiwampus · 30/12/2023 10:07

All the men I know, family and close friends don’t get mean or aggressive when drunk.
Giggley, overanimated, snuggly, talkative, sleepy, amorous, occasionally loud and/or soppy and variants of those.
As others have said, alcohol reveals underlying traits, relaxes inhibitions and removes masks. The men I know well and like are decent human beings, drunk or sober.

Islandermummy · 30/12/2023 10:07

No. I had a lovely friend who would turn a bit pervy when (very) drunk though. I understand he now doesn't let himself get into that state. Genuinely lovely, lovely man otherwise

BMW6 · 30/12/2023 10:11

Women can be right nasty bastards when pissed just as much as blokes!
I'm told I can get arsey on vodka and gin makes me a sobbing mess.

My DH must not drink whisky as it makes him belligerent.

Some people are happy drunks - some are the opposite. Depends on the individual and what they are drinking IME.

JaninaDuszejko · 30/12/2023 10:12

No, then men in my family mainly just fall asleep. When awake they are sweet and silly, the absolute opposite of aggressive.

threecupsofteaminimum · 30/12/2023 10:12

@gamerchick

Yes, you've probably hit the nail on the head. X

MyLibrarywasdukedomlargeenough · 30/12/2023 10:13

DH and DS are sleepy cuddly drunks, I can’t stop chatting and given the opportunity will dance .

I agree with @User135644 about a persons true self coming through.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2023 10:51

I really assumed more would agree. If you’re ever out on the town and look around a crowded pub, lots of people are behaving like twats?

But there is a correlation between the people who are out in a crowded pub at chucking out time/in the City Centre and people with alcohol problems. So you’re looking at a particular group and it’s not a cross section of society.

Obviously not everyone who goes to pubs has an alcohol problem but the kinds of people who terrorise City Centres after ten pints on a Friday night usually are not drinking in a healthy way. Many of these people have or are on the way to having an alcohol problem.

It’s one thing for teenagers and young adults but anyone with a family who feels the need to go out and get hammered on a regular basis probably has a problem.

NoraWaves · 30/12/2023 11:15

No definitely not. Yours shouldn't drink if he's so horrible.

margotrose · 30/12/2023 11:19

I really assumed more would agree. If you’re ever out on the town and look around a crowded pub, lots of people are behaving like twats?

My experience is it's only the minority who behave that way, it's just they're more noticeable because they're loud and draw attention to themselves. Nobody notices the people who just wobble their way into a taxi and quietly take themselves home to sleep it off in bed.

I lived in a university town for years and spent a lot of my twenties in pubs and bars - I met very, very few "twats". Most people were just a bit louder and more touchy-feely than normal, but nothing aggressive or rude or overly unpleasant.

UsingChangeofName · 30/12/2023 12:44

Good points by @Thepeopleversuswork and @margotrose

UsingChangeofName · 30/12/2023 12:45

Isitsixoclockalready · 30/12/2023 08:35

I can never understand why people start posts off with "Are all men...." as it clearly beggars the answer 'no' in the same way as "Are all women..." is going to be the same.

This 100%

Drives me mad on here the "All men" "All MiLs" "All GP Receptionists".

OneTC · 30/12/2023 13:27

The thing with saying that alcohol brings out your true self is that it fails to understand that our inhibitions are a significant part of our true character

cerisepanther73 · 31/12/2023 14:05

@JKDcot

The answer to your question is

Only Arseholes are,

that's it really

Whether they are male or female of the Human species

IncompleteSenten · 31/12/2023 14:10

Alcohol is a disinhibitor. It doesn't change your personality. All it does is reduce your ability to conceal those parts of you that you are normally able to hide either because you know they're unacceptable and you don't want to behave like that or because you fear the consequences of allowing that side of you to become known.

It doesn't make you do or say anything that isn't in you to do or say.