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Original poster

Are all men mean when they’ve had a few too many drinks?

182 replies

JKDcot · 29/12/2023 22:30

My Husband is a great man, kind, caring and sensible. But when he’s had too many drinks he just turns. He’s mean, arrogant, obnoxious and to be honest I don’t really like him when he’s been drinking. He doesn’t drink often - every few months, but when he’s passed a point, I just have no use to try and talk to him, reason, or try and have a nice evening.

Are they all like this?? My approach is just to realise when he’s starting to be a dick and then just write off the evening and do my own thing. By the morning he’s back to being nice. Any advice? Anyone else find this?

OP posts:
Spaghettieis · 29/12/2023 23:36

No, my DP isn’t like this - he’s a cheery friendly drunk. My dad can be like this though so I know what it’s like and wouldn’t choose to be with a man like that.

KissTheRains · 29/12/2023 23:40

MercanDede · 29/12/2023 23:34

Sure, if you want to believe what the Ancient Greeks thought some 4,000 years ago at their level of science and understanding, bully for you. I guess you would also believe that each sperm head has a miniature baby in it too? And that our uteruses could actually wander about the body at will and that is the cause of all female psychological issues? You might also believe in Sirens and Pegasii and that you had to sacrifice a goat to get a safe journey.

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I see no issue as accepting anecdotal evidence throughout history from almost every culture around the world and several languages spread across hundreds of years.

Unless of course we are to believe that modern science and psychology is the end of discovery and that they know everything and all?
I guess they're all going to retire and stop writing books and looking further into things.

"That's it lads, We've done Psychology.. turn out the lights and let's get the hell out of here.."

🙄

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 29/12/2023 23:42

My DH isn’t mean.

I agree with the poster who said that in their experience, the proportion of mean drunks was distributed equally among women and men… that’s my experience working bars and nightclubs too. Nasty, aggressive drunks come in both male and female!

I also agree with @MercanDede

being a mean drunk doesn’t mean that that’s really the person’s actual personality, and that they spend every sober moment masking it.

after all, we all alter our personalities to be more acceptable. I am not a mean person, but I certainly think unkind thoughts sometime! I don’t believe there’s a human alive who doesn’t think things that are unkind on occasion.

GLC789 · 29/12/2023 23:46

No, not at all. My DH rarely drinks. When he does, he is silly and playful. Never mean. A menace, but hilariously so 😂 x

Nagado · 29/12/2023 23:49

I can’t remember the last time he was drunk because he’s not a big drinker at home and he prefers to drive if he goes out with his friends but he’s very funny and tells me he loves me a lot. And he becomes capable of eating more food than I’ve ever seen him eat before.

If he ever got nasty after getting drunk, I’d expect him not to get drunk again. I’m not here to put up with crap from someone who can’t hold their drink.

MercanDede · 29/12/2023 23:53

KissTheRains · 29/12/2023 23:40

I see no issue as accepting anecdotal evidence throughout history from almost every culture around the world and several languages spread across hundreds of years.

Unless of course we are to believe that modern science and psychology is the end of discovery and that they know everything and all?
I guess they're all going to retire and stop writing books and looking further into things.

"That's it lads, We've done Psychology.. turn out the lights and let's get the hell out of here.."

🙄

Show quote history

I know the Ancient Greeks and Romans got around a lot in this corner of the world, but it’s not enough for you to say almost every culture in the world shares their views.

No, I don’t think modern science, including biochemistry and psychology are the end all and be all, but it is odd someone who is using 4,000 yr old Ancient thought as their end all and be all would even make this argument. It like you’re saying every scientist and study that has come after means nothing compared to what a guy in a toga sitting on a rock thought up. These are the same men by the way that thought women were inferior in every way and a 7yr old boy was smarter than all women. That a man furthered his oikos by taming his wife using domestic violence and rape. These are not exactly unbiased and trustworthy experts.

VanityDiesHard · 30/12/2023 00:00

MercanDede · 29/12/2023 23:30

I don’t agree. If alcohol puts a person into a mean and aggressive mood, then they will then think of things to say that they know will hurt you. It’s not like the thoughts of the mean things to say pre-existed and were being hidden inside before they were drinking, and just popped out oops! because of lower inhibitions. The alcohol puts them into a bastarding mood and the lack of inhibitions means they have less control over what they say and do while in that mood. A sober person in a foul mood will be able to not take it out on another person, unless they are abusive, but a drunk person they don’t have the self control.

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Exactly, thank you for stating what I wanted to but more clearly. The person quoting the ancient Greek saying is not relying on science, they are relying on folk knowledge.

KissTheRains · 30/12/2023 00:07

"but it’s not enough for you to say almost every culture in the world shares their views."

I didn't necessarily say they share their views, but that they have a version of the expression, apologies if that wasn't clear enough.

It may be a myth. It may not.

But hen millions of people throughout history have seen it, commented on, introduced phrases into their language to describe it (I've included an image for anyone to pick their favourites)
and when I've seen it first hand and because i avoid alcohol because of what it releases..
i can't dismiss it because a website somewhere, whose methods likely relied on self reporting of drunk people, says it's a myth..

but that's my stance, you've got yours, neither will change the others mind, feel free to reply, I've better things to do.

Go Well

Are all men mean when they’ve had a few too many drinks?
StaunchMomma · 30/12/2023 00:08

SwordToFlamethrower · 29/12/2023 23:20

So your DH becomes a doggo when drunk Grin

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Labrador puppy vibes 😂

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 30/12/2023 00:12

No, mine doesn't, and anyone who does should not drink.

KissTheRains · 30/12/2023 00:26

Pictures didn't upload proper.. boo.

Are all men mean when they’ve had a few too many drinks?
Are all men mean when they’ve had a few too many drinks?
Cmonluv · 30/12/2023 00:28

My husband is the world's happiest drunk, doesn't drink often but when he does he gets very happy, very chatty, very vocal on how much he lovese, a bit horny then will just fall asleep. He's a sweety when drink.

Observatusapluribusofficinis1 · 30/12/2023 00:29

i get hungry and zzzzz when too much booze

GrumpyOldCrone · 30/12/2023 00:39

My dad got mean when he drank whisky, but not other drinks. So he stopped drinking whisky.

Mrsgreen100 · 30/12/2023 00:46

Deathbyathousandcats · 29/12/2023 22:38

Alcohol just brings out his underlying personality.

This

BarelyCoping123 · 30/12/2023 00:57

Mine is like this OP. Gets very argumentative and belligerent. I hate those times

crimewatcher · 30/12/2023 00:58

My 20 yr old DS is the cutest thing when he's has a few. He comes home and hugs me, tells me he loves me and usually texts his wee sister to say he loves her too. It's very sweet, but he's always been a good boy so I wouldn't expect him to be a nasty drunk

SandraTeaspoon · 30/12/2023 01:05

No

Fionaville · 30/12/2023 01:06

Not really no. I can be a bit of a dick sometimes when I drink too much, but not aggressive or mean. I very rarely get drunk now.
My DH isn't mean with drink at all. But he hardly drinks either.
Other male family members just get jolly with drink. I have female family members who are very mean and aggressive when drunk!

threecupsofteaminimum · 30/12/2023 01:21

My ex is funny and lovely and silly when he's drunk. So is my brother so no, definitely not all men.

threecupsofteaminimum · 30/12/2023 01:27

Me on the other hand, i talk to much about myself when I'm drunk and butt in which makes me wonder why, hopefully someone will be along in a minute to tell me why...hope it doesn't mean I'm a narcissist bitch

Wateroverwine · 30/12/2023 02:20

Absolutely not.
If you aren't a happy drunk you shouldn't be drinking

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 02:23

No.
My normally loving, kind and affectionate DH gets giggly and amorous on the three or four occasions I've seen him drunk.

They do say the truth comes out of drunks.

Osory · 30/12/2023 03:09

My husband and one of my best friends who are both lovely genuine people can get mean drunk. It's like a switch goes off. Another friend a husband has gone like this on occasion too. It only happens very occasionally when they are very stressed but in both of them it's an indicator of their mental health being poor.
I don't think it's their 'true personality ' as such but a very sudden shift into a very negative twisted mood. I'm a very happy drunk but It happened to me once drinking vodka so I do get it.
My husband never goes drinking (he will enjoy some with me) so it's ok.

Osory · 30/12/2023 03:10

enjoy some wine