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Original poster

Are all men mean when they’ve had a few too many drinks?

182 replies

JKDcot · 29/12/2023 22:30

My Husband is a great man, kind, caring and sensible. But when he’s had too many drinks he just turns. He’s mean, arrogant, obnoxious and to be honest I don’t really like him when he’s been drinking. He doesn’t drink often - every few months, but when he’s passed a point, I just have no use to try and talk to him, reason, or try and have a nice evening.

Are they all like this?? My approach is just to realise when he’s starting to be a dick and then just write off the evening and do my own thing. By the morning he’s back to being nice. Any advice? Anyone else find this?

OP posts:
WavingCatsandDogs · 30/12/2023 05:33

Sadly, yes. Came home this evening, coluld tell he had a skinful. We ate, then he wanted to hire a £15.99 film. DD pointed it out, Wow at the price! He was so wasted, could tell he would not get to the end or even remember watching it. He got arsey with me, familiar, had a go at me, spoke out at DD for outing the price.

It wasn't the worst time, had many others with him, my Dad and Sister but it is the treading on eggshells I can't be doing with anymore.

I'm a emotional funny person after a couple of driknk and his change of personality has ruined our relationship. Even when pregnant, he has been the same abusive drunk.

brainworms · 30/12/2023 05:39

Unfortunately, I've known more men like this, than not.

PriOn1 · 30/12/2023 05:48

I married one of these and protected our children from it for years, until I couldn’t because they were young adults.

I now have three children who have almost no contact with their deadbeat, abusive-drunk dad. He doesn’t do it often, but when he does it’s awful.

I haven’t read the whole thread, but don’t minimise how bad this can potentially be. I finally left mine because I could not ignore his abuse towards our children and he obviously cares more about being able to drink than stay in contact with our children.

Ohmylovejune · 30/12/2023 05:53

No but he talks a load of rubbish, and turns into his Dad using silly random quotes

Drives me nuts because I rarely drink so spend my time putting the conversation facts right.

Luckily he doesn't drink all that regularly as when he's driving next day he doesn't touch alcohol.

useitorlose · 30/12/2023 06:03

DH can be argumentative when he's had a lot, but since he usually falls asleep as soon as we get home I just ignore it and don't rise to it.

Timspam · 30/12/2023 06:10

I'm a man, that's definitely not me, if anything I'm the classic telling people I love them that's if I don't fall asleep first !

PriOn1 · 30/12/2023 06:13

Just reread your OP and you ask for advice, so here’s mine.

If he knows he’s a mean drunk, but insists on drinking anyway, then never, ever have children with him.

Even if you think you can control the impact on you (and them) by avoiding the issue, you can’t.

You won’t be able to stop him doing it, even if it starts to harm your relationship and the relationships you and he have with others.

If he doesn’t have the self-control to realise he ought to stop drinking as it makes him an arsehole, then he isn’t a nice person.

Go read about alcohol abuse. Even if it only happens once in a blue moon, it can still destroy your relationship.

WandaWonder · 30/12/2023 06:32

JKDcot · 29/12/2023 22:30

My Husband is a great man, kind, caring and sensible. But when he’s had too many drinks he just turns. He’s mean, arrogant, obnoxious and to be honest I don’t really like him when he’s been drinking. He doesn’t drink often - every few months, but when he’s passed a point, I just have no use to try and talk to him, reason, or try and have a nice evening.

Are they all like this?? My approach is just to realise when he’s starting to be a dick and then just write off the evening and do my own thing. By the morning he’s back to being nice. Any advice? Anyone else find this?

Is your father, brother, uncles etc.like this

'Are all men...'

Are all women some collective group who act the same?

margotrose · 30/12/2023 07:16

No. DH gets a bit silly and giddy but he's never said a mean word while he's been drinking.

unique78 · 30/12/2023 07:34

My DH becomes happy, talkative and soppy when he's drunk. But it turns some men into aggressive arseholes (same for women actually, except they do less damage generally).

2mummies1baby · 30/12/2023 07:43

If I was horrible to my wife when I was drunk, do you know what I'd do? Stop drinking. For good.

user1471538283 · 30/12/2023 07:55

My ex was a horrible drunk. All his general kindness was gone. People used to scatter because he'd start on anyone.

My DF rarely drank and I never saw him drunk. When he'd had some alcohol he was just a bigger version of himself, sweet and funny.

I really think some people just shouldn't drink.

Catandsquirrel · 30/12/2023 07:55

No, my DP is funny, loving and silly.

My close friend however would do anything for you and works with dedication in a caring profession however on occasion will become the most arsey and morose (not violent) drunk. I don't think it's the 'real him' coming out or anything but it's not a nice side.

LoveToEatFood · 30/12/2023 08:15

What does he drink op? Some people find that drinking spirits particularly can have a negative effect on their mood and levels of aggression.

thefallen · 30/12/2023 08:18

The drunk man's words are the sober man's thoughts. If he's horrible when he's drunk it's only because his guard has come down.

gamerchick · 30/12/2023 08:22

Just red wine. He turns into a reet obnoxious knob when he's been drinking that stuff.

Still I'm the same after Newcastle brown ale. So we avoid it.

cerisepanther73 · 30/12/2023 08:26

@JKDcot
No i don't think 🤔 all men are mean when they do have a drink ,

But i do think know that alcoholic drinks are very good, at helping to lower the social inhibitions of people, for them to be much more revealing of what really on their minds,

another words =Alcholic talk is the truth exposer lubricant, it helps to slip the social mask, that people hide behind..

gamerchick · 30/12/2023 08:27

threecupsofteaminimum · 30/12/2023 01:27

Me on the other hand, i talk to much about myself when I'm drunk and butt in which makes me wonder why, hopefully someone will be along in a minute to tell me why...hope it doesn't mean I'm a narcissist bitch

Because you don't feel listened too usually?

ChristmasSugarplumFairy · 30/12/2023 08:28

My DH is a soppy, cuddly, chatty drunk.
If your DH knows that drink makes him mean, he just shouldn't drink. It's a bad decision he keeps making. Why? Doesn't he care how he upsets you or anyone else when he's drunk?

cerisepanther73 · 30/12/2023 08:29

@thefallen

Ah you beat me to it with your insighful good post L.o.l 😄

LangMayYerLumReek2024 · 30/12/2023 08:33

No none of the men I know are like this.

Isitsixoclockalready · 30/12/2023 08:35

I can never understand why people start posts off with "Are all men...." as it clearly beggars the answer 'no' in the same way as "Are all women..." is going to be the same.

HeadNorth · 30/12/2023 08:35

No - my DH doesn't drink much, because alchohol just makes him sleepy and he wants to go to bed. My sister, on the other hand, is a mean drunk. Fortunately she doesn't drink much either.

How someone reacts to alcohol is not necessarily related to their sex, but if he is mean to you when drunk then he should not drink..

MrsJellybee · 30/12/2023 08:36

Nah, my husband’s a happy drunk

cerisepanther73 · 30/12/2023 08:37

@Catandsquirrel

That's interesting description of your work colleague,
It sounds like the reason why your friend becomes Arsey and morose like that when he has had one too many drinks ,

is alcoholic drink is very good at revealing exposing what's really on people's minds thoughts,

Another words alcoholic drinks are helping to shine a light on your colleague's shadow side,
his human flaws faults in his personality and psyche...