Being told what to order from takeaway..

[Beanz2022]

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

Not sure what your point is @RampantIvy ? Where have I or anyone said that home made Indian food tastes the same as restaurant food? In fact I was telling an Indian poster that the vegetarian food I have at my Gujurati friend’s house is not available in restaurants.

For what it’s worth I also cook Pakistani food from recipes that my mum taught me which I prefer to restaurant food.

I also prefer Pakistani food to Indian food, maybe it’s because it’s what I grew up with.

Of course not. There's a difference between an allergy and an actual preference.

Though like I said, my main issue would be suggesting a takeaway, expecting me to pay for it and then saying 'by the way, no meat allowed' just 1 hour before.

If I was invited to a vegetarian friends house as a guest and they provided a meal, I'd expect for it to be vegetarian. But then I also wouldn't be paying for it.

I am vegetarian.
So is my DH and younger DC.
Elder DC is not.
I couldn’t care less what other people eat. Or don’t eat.

I’ve had many parties/celebrations here over the years and although I’m not much of a cook, I always buy lots of really nice party food with plenty of options for everyone.
I make my elder DC really great chilli with meat; all his friends love it.

I’ve been to many of DH’s family gatherings where there has been very little there that I can eat.
I don’t like goat’s cheese tarts or mushroom risottos etc. I’m not overly fond of “typical” vegetarian food and much prefer things like pasta or pizza.
I do like Indian food but I don’t like paneer or egg dishes, which has been suggested as a good option for the OP.
I think we have a right to like/dislike foods as we please.
You don’t get a medal for liking a wide variety of food! 😂
I have been to countries by myself where due to the circumstances of where and with whom I was staying, I had very little to eat.
I didn’t want to make a fuss so I ate what I could, when I could.
And some stashed chocolate kept me going 😆
Came home thinner but was happy with that.

If I know not to expect too much at DH’s family gatherings, I just make sure that I eat before I go and then just have some crusty bread and some salad. I never say a word. Ditto my younger DC. Tbh, I never really expect to be prioritised.
This does not bother me.

I can really understand why the OP was annoyed. A takeaway is expensive and most people consider it to be a treat. The OP probably just got put on the spot. That can happen.

In future, I’d decline any form of takeaway unless I could have my OWN CHOICE. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.
There are some really strange responses on here. People are NOT obliged to like a wide variety of vegetables or anything, for that matter.
Why does that make them weird?

edited to say that I but whatever meat my elder DV wants though he either has to cook it himself or my DH does, as I am rubbish 😂
Unless it’s chilli or similar.

@RampantIvy I would say the poll is a pretty good representation of the population.
Around 60% don't tolerate vegan/vegetarians. Can take the form of aggressively/persistently asking reasons then getting offended or accusing of preaching on answers, even when the conversation is being forced on the vegan. Or as thread, pushing boundaries such as meat in house or even bacon juice in your tea cup pranks (haha hilarious)
Tolerant people would number around 40% as shown by the poll and truly respectful less so. Personally I have found that me being a long term vegetarian has resulted in very entrenched behaviour either way.

My boundaries are no meat in my house and I don't discuss my reasons altogether whilst others are eating meat and try to avoid unless someone starts in a neutral not dismissive tone. It's rare. I've heard some real stupid drops like my not eating meat will lead to the tigers taking over. Meant seriously.

The OP is making this way more complicated and a much bigger issue than it needs to be - as are several posters on the thread.

The only thing her friend did wrong was not saying when she suggested a takeaway, “As long as you don’t mind vegetarian; I won’t have meat in the house”. But maybe she forgot. It happens. Maybe most of her friends know this and she suddenly thought “Oh shit - OP hasn’t been around for takeaway before. Does she know I don’t have meat in the house?” Given that Indian food is quite heavily vegetable-based, it’s not unreasonable to think most people who like curry would also like vegetable curry, rather than “really hating” it - although of course the OP is absolutely entitled to feel that way. It just wouldn’t necessarily occur to a lot of people.

If she didn’t just forget, why did she wait? Do we assume it was some weird manipulative attempt to force the OP to eat a vegetarian meal? And if that was the case, surely she wouldn’t have bothered giving the OP any notice? Why not wait until she’s there with the menu in front of her and make it a fait accompli?

While an hour is not ideal, it IS some notice, if not much. I don’t buy this “OP was caught on the hop; she’d look like an arse if she cancelled now” business. She didn’t have to make a split decision - she had an hour to decide she didn’t want to order vegetable curry. That’s a good 50 minutes more than you’d get to make a decision on a restaurant! And surely if it’s so appallingly rude that the friend hadn’t mentioned the meet issue earlier, that would have negated any rudeness on the OP’s part had she cancelled altogether?

Let’s say the OP’s friend messaged her at 6 ahead of her supposed arrival at 7. If we give OP half an hour to get to her friend’s house, half an hour for the food to arrive once ordered and then half an hour to eat, that still means the OP could have decided as late as 6.30 that she didn’t fancy vegetable curry, messaged her friend, taken an hour to eat something else and get ready and still have arrived at her friend’s at 8 for drinks.

OP could have said she didn’t fancy vegetable curry and would just come for drinks. She could have said “Shall we go to the restaurant instead then, if you’re not happy having meat in the house?” She could have cancelled altogether. She did none of those things. Instead she still went, she ordered the vegetable curry, ate it despite hating it and then found a way to
make it all her friend’s fault.

Exactly.

What a drama about not having meat in one meal. 🙄

I think you are making a bit of a fuss and the real issue is you should have just said 'no' and either 'come over to mine and we can have the dish I enjoy', or 'let's have 'xyz' veggie dish/pizza etc instead' - but you didn't.

Not sure why you’re explaining Indian food to me, I’ve already said I’m Asian too.

It also doesn’t change the fact that Op had a horrible vegetable curry. And I speak as someone who loves Asian vegetarian food.

Well then the host should provide and pay for the food. Like a proper host.
OP wouldn't have a problem if friend had paid for takeaway and provided for her to eat. Her problem is being made to pay for her own food, with restrictions. If host can't do that. Don't invite people over?

If I was OP I'd have come over after eating or just stayed home.

Btw an hour long notice - really depends on how far away this friend lives. Young me would be taken aback like OP and agree. Me now would state I don't want to pay for my own veggie food and leave it up to 'friend'. If they want me over they can provide food or wait for me to show up after eating.

But I wouldn't pay for something I hadn't agree to communicated at the last minute and I'd think it really poor form for them to do so.

You’ve really never just shared a takeaway with friends without expecting the “host” to foot the entire bill?

No. We always split the bill.

Respect your friend’s household when you’re a guest. It’s one meal so you can suck it up. You wouldn’t eat pork or shell fish in an orthodox Jewish house, would you? Or alcohol at a tee-total house.

Thank you and leave and totally agree. .curry needs meat. I hope she paid.

What a narrow minded view
I eat meat, but enjoy loads of vegetarian Indian food as well as meaty Indian food.

To be fair the carrot and broccoli curry sounded like a lazy vegetarian option and rather boring though.

'Friends'. Plural. Is the key word here.
Of course, we all have different standards of hospitality. We split takeaways when there are lots of people, so the group decides to meet at someone's house. Often it's ours as we have the space.
Or when people come over, say to make banners etc for a charity stall. And end up staying later.

Would I invite one, just one, person over and make them pay for their own meal? Not only that, restrict what they can eat? Nope. That's tight AF.

Your comment simply proves that you know nothing about food from the Indian sub-continent.

Granted, most “Indian” takeaways in the UK are rubbish but the range of fantastic vegetarian Indian dishes, the real food, cannot be beaten.

Your second point is why some folk prefer meat curries from a takeaway - most 'Indian' takeaways in the UK don't offer a range of vegetarian dishes - just a token dish that isn't very imaginative; increasingly places round my way are shrinking their traditional offering and filling the menu up with burgers, pizzas, kebabs and fried chicken.

If you cook for someone you can cook them vegetarian food.

If you order food in for someone you can order them vegetarian food.

If they are paying for their own food, they eat what they want to.

We are also talking about a main course here. If the OP wanted to eat fruit pastilles, would they also be banned (I understand that they are vegan now, but that must be quite new).

YABVU. I stand with OP's friend. Their house, their rules.

I have religious Hindu friends and wouldn't dream of eating meat in their homes.

Isn't the solution for her to come to yours?

Bless your innocent little heart. As if I didnt already know that.
What you (and lots of others on this thread) are apparently incapable of understanding is that like many others who dont eat meat I dont want meat eaten in my house. I dont want meat in my house in anyway.
In the same way that as a smoker I dont want people smoking (or those who have done so within the previous hour) in my house.

And luckily.......... not eating meat for one meal isnt actually a problem. So being considerate in the home of a non meat eater and not eating meat occasionally on the occasion that you happen to be visiting a non meat eating home.......... shoudnt, for a reasonable adult be a problem.

Its about respect. And being an adult.

But presumably it would have been something better than a bloody broccoli curry!

If a vegetarian friend was cooking for me I would obviously expect veggie food and would presumably have had more than an hours notice it was happening so I could tell them what I could and couldn't eat.

Exactly. It's as simple as that.

If you’re Asian too, you will know as well as I do that broccoli or carrot do not feature in Indian curries and you don’t need to be visiting vegetarian restaurants or those specialising in Gujarati cuisine to order Indian food where vegetables (especially those OP had) are not the main dish. This was the only point I was making - not entirely sure why you singled my comment out if you know all this anyway