Being told what to order from takeaway..

[Beanz2022]

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

Broccoli and carrot curry does sound rank tbh

Yeah, I think that’s a bit OTT of them and I’m veggie. But why didn’t you just use your words and say “I don’t like vegetable only curry, can I/we order a pizza/something else?”

Adulting 101 tbh. I find your reaction to a vegetable curry pretty childish.

No chance I'd ever let anyone bring meat into my home tbh. But then again, I just avoid the issue entirely by not inviting people round for takeaways.

We have vegan friends and when we go to their house to stay I wouldn't even dream of ordering a meat based curry. Surely it's just respectful of your friends who's house you are in to abide by the rules of their home? Find it weird you're this pissed off about not having meat in one meal TBH.

This is hardly the point.

You def didn’t order a great veggie option by the sounds of it.

next time, go out. You’ve gotta respect people’s house rules. I’m all for hospitality but if they don’t ever have meat in the house then find an alternative.

ps- next time go for a paneer dish

I'm totally with you OP.

I'd always go for chicken curry for a take away.
I actually wouldn't be able to eat a curry if it was broccoli based 🤢
I do eat veggies obvs and would make one at home with sweet potatoes, spinach chick peas, peppers, carrots etc .
However there are certain veggies I'd be unable to eat and broccoli is one of them

There was poor communication from the host. She should have told you this from the start.

I don’t eat pork and don’t love it in the house but I have never stopped a guest from ordering piggy pizza etc.

I like meat but Indian food is one cuisine I could become vege for. I love dal and chickpeas. The standard vege curry is dull though.

I do find it a bit pathetic the posters who say they ‘can’t’ eat a meal without meat. It’s one thing not being able to eat something specific eg smelly cheese, red meat etc. It’s quite another saying there has to be meat there or I can’t eat the other stuff!

Then you would be pretty foolish to say yes if a friend suggested coming over for a takeaway curry, wouldn’t you?

I am a meat-eater and think this is quite a good analogy. It illustrates the instinctive revulsion some vegetarians/vegans must feel being around meat.

I am craving a vegetable dhansak now. Where we live in London, there are many amazing Indian takeaways (as well as some crap ones). Maybe OP had a dreadful vegetarian curry from a rubbish place which made the vegetable ordeal even more unpleasant for her.

I’m with you OP if someone invited me for a takeaway and I had to pay I’d want to choose exactly what I fancied at that time. I wouldn’t want someone else dictating what I could order as a grown adult who can make their own choices and who was paying for their own food. Nothing wrong with them eating veggie but also I think it’s over kill to dictate to people what they order from a takeaway even if it is there own house.

I was veggie for awhile and I wouldn’t have expected others not to eat meat around me.

The only exception would be if she was cooking at home for you then obviously I wouldn’t expect her to cook meat.

but I am wondering what curry you ordered from the Indian takeaway that came with broccoli and carrots in!?

That's not relevant to the point I made, though.

She's within her right not to have meat in the house but I could not be friends with such a dick.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear, my point was that you appear to want to have your cake and eat it, by restricting what people eat, while also wanting them to be happy about it. You just can’t expect that.

If you’re going to enforce restrictions on what guests can eat when ordering in for themselves, be prepared for some guests to be unhappy, regardless of how strong a reason you think you have. I agree with you that one meat free meal would not be a problem for lots of people, but I guess for some, like OP, being asked to pay for a rare takeaway then being told you can’t have what you fancy because of other people’s principles, is a bit galling. They’re allowed to have their own feelings about that.

Ah, the classic “Well I’ve never known this happen” response.

I’ve never seen an aardvark, but I’m pretty sure they exist.

Did you miss that the friend only told OP an HOUR before?

That’s terrible behaviour from the friend.

It caught OP off guard but next time she hopefully won’t spend money on a takeaway at this friend’s house when she can’t even eat what she wants to eat.

The friend should have at least said we can change to a pizza or something else. Ergo, friend was a bad host.

I imagine she’ll just say no. A perfectly valid option that was also available to the OP.

I think it’s fair enough, and I’d have probably ordered a veg option anyway knowing hosts are veggie and may not want meat to be eaten in their home

No, I did not miss that the friend only told OP an HOUR before. And I agree that she should have made it clear from the start. But maybe she forgot. Maybe she assumed the OP, as a friend, already knew how she felt about having meat in the house.

You can either stamp your feet and cry about what should have happened, or you can deal with what is happening. Adaptability is an important skill. Have you really never had to deal with a late notice change of plan? OP wasn’t stranded in an off-grid shack in the woods - she had options.

Of course she’s “allowed her feelings” about it. But she also had the ability to say no and not go, or to suggest they eat out instead. She did neither of these things.

Of course. If you’re forewarned that meat in the house is verboten, you get the chance to pipe up in advance, as you say, and decide what to do. Which might include sacking the evening off.

I was responding to the poster who also doesn’t let guests eat meat in a takeaway in her home, but seems to want any guests in that situation to love it. The reality is some people are not going to live that situation and hosts enforcing it need to realise that and not expect to have it both ways.

I think your comparison is useful to understand how someone might feel very strongly about it, so thank you. I’m curious - do you feel the same way about people eating meat anywhere that you are? Or it’s just the idea of it in your house/on your plates?

I do find it a bit pathetic the posters who say they ‘can’t’ eat a meal without meat. It’s one thing not being able to eat something specific eg smelly cheese, red meat etc. It’s quite another saying there has to be meat there or I can’t eat the other stuff!

I agree @TrolleyCase

I can't get past a broccoli and carrot curry, it sounds vile! Personally I'd have cancelled once I was told meat was banned as it would limit me so much as lentils upset my stomach and I can't eat mushrooms which limits my choice too much.

Oh and I certainly wouldn't expect to have to pay for the food!