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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told what to order from takeaway..

424 replies

Beanz2022 · 29/12/2023 22:11

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 22:22

I'm vegetarian. I dont feel like anyone has to respect me by not eating meat.
You eat what you like.

I dont respect meat eaters by having a sausage in their gaff.

Unless it's for religious beliefs or something, they are being unreasonable.

Fionaville · 29/12/2023 22:23

If she's paying, fine. If you're paying for yourself you should be able to have what you want. Otherwise she should have prepared a vegetarian meal for both of you. YANBU

Hankunamatata · 29/12/2023 22:24

Wouldnt bother me as some veggies don't like meat in their home. There's different veggie things you could have had instead of a curry - samosa, bhajii, aloo, pakora, saag, dall

Superduper02 · 29/12/2023 22:24

YANBU. One hour's notice of a 'vegetarian only' order would wind me up and I'm very flexi. Had it been mentioned initially, you could have made other plans or gone for a cuisine where you enjoy the vegetarian fare. Also fact you are a guest and having to pay for food you don't want is poor hosting IMO.

Squeezita · 29/12/2023 22:25

YANBU, unless she has very specific religious requirements.

I’m a practicing Muslim who only eats halal and whilst I would never cook pork for anyone, I wouldn’t care if they ordered a pork vindaloo for themselves if I’d invited them over and we were having takeaway. I would just give them disposable plates and cutlery 🤣

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 22:25

I'm astonished at some of these responses. I think she was very rude and I would be dialling back on the friendship. I won't tolerate veganzis and she sounds like one.

TwistTheRibs · 29/12/2023 22:26

YANabU. Baffled by some of these repsonses. And for what it's worth, I was vegetarian for 3 years and never expected guests to eat meat-free meals only in my house?! I would have preferred not to cook for them with meat, but did sometimes, for my partner at the time. But this is a takeaway so seems bizarre for them to dictate.

TwistTheRibs · 29/12/2023 22:26

Or YANBU...

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/12/2023 22:26

I'm a meat eaters and it wouldn't have bothered me, but I regularly order veg stuff from Indian takeaway.

It is on you a bit as she did give you advance warning and you had chance to say you didn't think you'd enjoy it so you'd come round for a drink instead or something.

However I think she was a bit rude as well. If you were just going to have chicken in a curry she wouldn't really see or smell any meat. And if you're paying for your own then its a bit off to tell you what you can or can't order.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/12/2023 22:28

YANBU if you were paying for yourself.
However next time just say " I will eat before hand " and perhaps take a dessert with you that you can all enjoy.
If she asks why you don't want to do thr same as last time tell her honestly that you didn't enjoy it.

Squeezita · 29/12/2023 22:28

Beanz2022 · 29/12/2023 22:16

I paid for mine! I just feel like if I'm going for a catch up with a friend and paying for a takeaway, I would like to get what I fancy and not just have a curry with brocolli, carrots, and onions..

She didn’t even pay for you?

She sounds controlling and tight.

Don’t spend money socialising on her terms again. Tell her you eat what you want to eat or you’re better off cancelling.

NoSquirrels · 29/12/2023 22:28

I eat loads of vegetarian food, love a veg curry and don’t think vegetarians should have to serve meat.

But.

If you’ve invited someone and made them pay for their own takeaway, so you haven’t bought, prepped or cooked the meat, and it’s literally just the plate they’re eating off that’s all you’ve provided, then I agree it’s a bit shit to not allow them to order and eat what they like.

Different if they’re cooking, or even ordering and paying.

At least you’ll know for next time, OP.

AmyandPhilipfan · 29/12/2023 22:29

I would have hated it too OP. I'm not that keen on Indian takeaway anyway but if we're getting one on my husband's request I always get the same (meat) dish as I know I like it. If I'd been told to order a vegetarian dish I would have felt a bit miffed to be paying for something I didn't want. If my friend was cooking for me I would of course eat their vegetarian meal without complaint, whether or not I actually liked it! But paying for it myself and not enjoying it is a bit different I feel.

user1496146479 · 29/12/2023 22:29

AlisonDonut · 29/12/2023 22:13

You really hated a vegetable curry? But would have loved a meat one? Which also contains vegetables?

Weird.

I love a chicken curry, and I specifically ask for no veg!

Inastatus · 29/12/2023 22:29

This is a new level of vegetarian not allowing meat in the house - FFS! YANBU.

Noalcohol2024 · 29/12/2023 22:30

If there was wine flowing and poppadoms I wouldn’t be fussed however, ask me next year when I’m AF and I may have a different answer!

I’ve not had an Indian takeaway curry for years as they have been so disappointing post Covid. Take a ready meal next time. Vegetable Thai curries are nice and cheap too.

Highlan · 29/12/2023 22:30

I eat meat but I love vegetable curries. I always order veggie masala. Love it and it doesn’t leave me feeling bloated like the meat ones do.

flawlessandfearless · 29/12/2023 22:31

Beanz2022 · 29/12/2023 22:16

I paid for mine! I just feel like if I'm going for a catch up with a friend and paying for a takeaway, I would like to get what I fancy and not just have a curry with brocolli, carrots, and onions..

There would have been loads of things on a decent Indian menu that wasn't 'just' a vegetable curry.
Sorry but it shows a lack of imagination that that's all you chose.

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to not want meat in the house if they don't eat it.
Would you feel the same if it was a religious practice?

sprigatito · 29/12/2023 22:33

I think "we don't allow meat in the house" is so inhospitable, performative and sanctimonious it would put me off spending time with her. I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to prepare meat for me, or buy it, and if she was cooking I'd expect vegetarian food and be appreciative of it. Dictating that you can't order your own choice of takeaway curry because she won't have meat in the house is a bridge too far.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/12/2023 22:34

Everyone saying they love veggie curry appears to be missing the point. The OP, doesn’t like it. She even ordered , paid for, and ate it and still doesn’t like it.

It doesn’t matter if everyone else in the blooming world loves it, because she doesn’t.

@Beanz2022 , I think it was over the top of your friend but now you know for next time she invites you over.

Undisclosedlocation · 29/12/2023 22:34

YABU but so is she!

If you didn’t want to comply with her wishes, then you’ve only got yourself to blame if you haven’t got the guts to tell her so when she asked
Equally it seems very OTT and rude to me for her to police what you are eating, especially when you are paying for it

flawlessandfearless · 29/12/2023 22:35

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 22:25

I'm astonished at some of these responses. I think she was very rude and I would be dialling back on the friendship. I won't tolerate veganzis and she sounds like one.

What's a veganzi?

If you'd rethink a friendship because they don't have meat in their house you are probably a shitty friend.

phoenixrosehere · 29/12/2023 22:35

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.

YABVU

You didn’t end up with a vegetable curry, you chose a vegetable curry. She ASKED you if it would be ok and why. Instead of saying it was an issue, you stayed quiet. It’s not their fault, you CHOSE to go anyway knowing that you wouldn’t be able to order meat if you were eating in their home.

You could have even said that you’ll grab something on the way and come by for just drinks if that’s ok.

Highlan · 29/12/2023 22:36

flawlessandfearless · 29/12/2023 22:35

What's a veganzi?

If you'd rethink a friendship because they don't have meat in their house you are probably a shitty friend.

Show quote history

Vegan nazi?

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 22:36

flawlessandfearless · 29/12/2023 22:31

There would have been loads of things on a decent Indian menu that wasn't 'just' a vegetable curry.
Sorry but it shows a lack of imagination that that's all you chose.

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to not want meat in the house if they don't eat it.
Would you feel the same if it was a religious practice?

Show quote history

Why are you trying to dictate to the OP what she can and can't find enjoyable? FWIW I do like Indian vegetarian food, but I prefer meat and chicken even still. Some people really can't go for a meal without meat, I'm one of them and so possibly is the OP. The OP's friend needs to mind her plate, it's one thing to refuse to cook meat in her house but quite another to say a guest can't pay for their own meal and eat what they want. If she is that precious about it she needs to stop having people over in this manner and just cook all the food herself, or at the very very least pay for it.

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