Being told what to order from takeaway..

[Beanz2022]

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

Even if I have pizza, it's pepperoni.

It doesn't sound like you particularly like or care about your friend. Surely seeing them is about more than food and you don't need to eat meat with every meal?

It's the waste of money on an unenjoyable food that makes it more annoying.

I'm a vegetarian and wouldn't oppose you eating meat from wa takeaway. I might ask you to take any that you leave, home with you though.

Have you really never had a takeaway night at a friend’s house where everyone chips in?

Not when they dictate to me what I have to eat.

Well, she would have had those options if she'd had more than an hour's notice. But, in this instance, she couldn't really have backed out without looking like an arse.

Springing the veggie demand on the OP, at such short notice, the friend should have offered to pay for the takeaway IMO.

@Delassalle and those are your boundaries. You don't get to dictate other vegetarian and vegan boundaries or imply yours are somehow the 'right' ones.

I mean there are people who call themselves vegetarian that eat fish and chicken. I imagine if they popped up on a thread where you'd said you don't eat chicken to assure people that they are veggie and do eat nuggets you'd be a bit peeved. and think they were a tryhard cool girl.

@Squeezita nope we don’t eat in vegetarian restaurants as those we dine with are not always veggie. Broccoli and carrot are not vegetables used in Indian dishes - carrots are used as salad and accompaniments and broccoli didn’t even feature in India until recent times. Indian vegetarian food tends to focus on beans and lentils. Paneer is extremely popular and I’ve not visited an Indian restaurant that doesn’t serve it (whichever part of india the cuisine originates)

But if she thinks the friend was behaving like an arse, why would she care how it looked if she pulled out?

In any case, the OP still had a choice. She chose to still go (rather than just saying “I’m not that keen on vegetable curry - I’ll eat now and join you later”) and eat a meal she didn’t want. Whether she did that to avoid “looking like an arse” is neither here nor there.

I think we'd need to know how long op has been friends with the vegetarian in question and how much she knows about her reasons, home rules and etc before we came definitely say saying an hour in advance is springing it on someone.

I have a no meat rule. I have a sign in my kitchen saying kind food only ( I got this because people kept bringing meat after I said no) I've been veggie mostly my whole life.

Doesn't stop people who have been to my house and know these rules trying it on every time. In my case, where I did offer to pay anyway, I only reminded an hour before as we only decided two hours before and my husband mentioned they'd probably want meat. Even though they know we have a no meat in the house rule, turned out to be true. I ended up rail roaded into having meat in the house and tbh I do think it was terribly selfish as they know our rules, know how it would effect me and still insisted. I had depression at the time so wasn't able to assert my boundaries but do so now but boy it's hard. Certain people just always push it despite it being their choice to visit, despite plenty of warning, despite opportunity to eat out. I honestly think it shows such a lack of respect and like they have something to 'prove'.

I couldn't care less what other people eat I'm only interested in what I consume.

said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated..

That was your chance to speak up - it was unreasonable and controlling of her to dictate like this (without mentioning the rule when it was arranged) but it was also unreasonable of you to say it was ok when it wasn't. You don't like vegetable curry, so not it was not ok - that was your chance to suggest pizza or some other kind of takeaway that you like that doesn't involve meat/coming round after you ate/switching venues to your house or something else that fits in with both of your preferences.

Again that's nice but those are your boundaries. Other people will have a variety of different approaches.

Is it possible that your friend is finding being veggie hard and that she's on the verge of meat eating again? I was veggie for a couple of years before chilli con carne broke me. Veggie chilli was not the same

I am finding this hilarious! This amount of rage at having a veggie curry! I cannot even imagine wasting angry emotions on something like this. Ridiculous.

I don't understand the relevance of 'yabu i like veggie meals' posts because the poster doesn't!
It is really rude to impose your own views on someone else's duet , especially if they are paying!

You can either stamp your feet and cry about what should have happened

Creating a thread to discuss one's feelings about something isn't 'stamping one's feet and crying'. It's called conversation.

It is baffling how freaked out people get at the prospect of a meal without meat!

I can’t believe don’t believe that some takeaways are crap. Just at 2 local Indian takeaways to me, not one vegetarian main dish. A handful of vegetarian side dishes. But if OP wanted an actual curry with a sauce there isn’t one. Obviously people aren’t ordering as standard so they’ve just cobbled something together.

Like I said I’ve been to amazing vegetarian Indian restaurants (one in Edinburgh really sticks out) but a takeaway is a mile away. Personally why I don’t eat Indian takeaway anymore.

OP - how are these people eating out if they find meat so difficult. Could they cope coming to yours to eat?

Agreed - very normal. It’s the meat that makes a curry in my view. I wouldn’t be doing that again.

Yeah fuck that. I was a vegetarian for years I'd have never have put that on anyone no matter what my beliefs were. I'd have eaten first and leave them to their vegetarian meal.

Exactly. The only annoying ones are people who are putting on a song and a dance about how much of a vegetarian they are (or how much of a vegan) who parp on about it, and who drop it into every conversation! 🙄

They faint at the sight of anyone wearing leather shoes, they burst into tears if they see a photograph of a pork chop, and they finger-point and cuss people if they see them eating a sausage roll in the street. And they will NOT ALLOW MEAT IN THE HOUSE. 😆

Everyone has GOT to know just how much of a veggie/vegan they are, and they post all kinds of anti-meat, pro-veggie - and vegan stuff on social media, and make their whole identity about being a veggie/vegan.

It's like that old saying 'how do you know someone is a vegan?' .... 'They will TELL you!'

I remember 'comedian' Romesh Ranganathan saying once 'Why do I say I am superior to you and better than you because I'm a vegan? Because I AM. Yes, I AM better than you, and I am superior to you.' It was at that moment, I decided to switch off the TV when he is on ANYthing! Sadly, whilst there are some lovely vegans who just get on with their life and don't judge others, there are many like Ranganathan.

But doesn’t that make your post equally irrelevant? It doesn’t matter if YOU think it’s rude for OP’s friend to say she doesn’t want meat in the house - she clearly doesn’t!

Another Veggie here, my personal choices are not another’s personal choices! I would never dictate what someone else could order from a takeaway! Even worse if they were paying for their own food! I hope you return the invite and only offer meat!

bet you're got people lining up to be friends with you!

People who aren't veganazis, yes. The trend for sanctimonious veganism has peaked somewhat, I'm very glad to say.

"I don't think a Muslim would ban other people from eating pork, and definitely not from drinking alcohol though, or a Hindu ban someone from eating beef."

Nobody would think it at all unusual if they didn't want those things in their own homes though!