Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overhead conversation - wwyd?

240 replies

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 16:27

I'd just stepped out of the shower when MIL and FIL (staying with us for family Christmas) started to have an animated conversation outside the bathroom door. The gist was that they were pleased to be heading home because I'd made them feel unwelcome and unwanted and ruined their Christmas.

I could have opened the door at that point, but decided against fanning the flames and waited in the bathroom till I heard them go downstairs.

I didn't want Christmas to end with an argument. And I can't see any benefit in raising this with them when we next talk.

WWYD? Let sleeping dogs lie or ask for an explanation?

OP posts:
hellsBells246 · 29/12/2023 16:28

How do you think things have gone? Do you get on with them? Do you think you have been welcoming?

I think I'd have to ask them what they meant, or I'd stew over it.

AngelicInnocent · 29/12/2023 16:28

Do you feel you were unwelcoming?

Mirrormeback · 29/12/2023 16:29

I'd be having a good look at myself and think about what I've said and done to make 2 people think this way

Smoothyloopy · 29/12/2023 16:29

I think the question is, did you make them feel uncomfortable & unwelcome?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 29/12/2023 16:30

were you shocked to hear that or do you not get on?

TidyDancer · 29/12/2023 16:31

I think I'd want to seriously consider whether there was any fault on your part and if you're sure there isn't I'd discuss with DH. Do you think they'd be dramatic and flouncy if you did bring it up with them?

MILTOBE · 29/12/2023 16:31

That's strong talk, to say you'd ruined their Christmas. What happened?

Changingplace · 29/12/2023 16:31

Has there been anything in particular you can think of that’s made them feel that way? Have they stayed longer than expected? Have they pulled their weight or expected to be waited on?

Reugny · 29/12/2023 16:32

Get your OH, who is their child, to ask them how their stay was with you in a month or so time when you aren't around.

Then take on board what your OH reports back without commenting, arguing or criticising your OH.

Spirallingdownwards · 29/12/2023 16:32

It is a case of WTF or mission accomplished? If the latter you won't need to invite them again. If you are truly agog that was their take on things go and explain you overheard them and are mortified they haven't had a nice time as you thought everything was fine.

Rainallnight · 29/12/2023 16:32

How’s your relationship generally?

DewHopper · 29/12/2023 16:33

More info needed OP.

catsanddogsandrabbits · 29/12/2023 16:33

The context is important. If you weren't that friendly or a bit precious over your home, ( I know I can be..) - or if they were unreasonable, never satisfied and demanding, (many guests can be) - we don't know.
I wouldn't say anything as nothing would be gained. I'd just not invite them again.
Don't worry about it. Being/having house guests - especially over Christmas - is rarely trouble free - (just read the threads on here) - just make other arrangements.

I always stay in a hotel rather than with family - it avoids all that and we have a lovely time.

PatchworkElmer · 29/12/2023 16:33

How do you think it’s gone?

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 16:36

Why avoid it? I'd ask them.
Perhaps you are unknowingly doing something to make them feel unwelcome or perhaps they are just pricks.
If you think you can totally forget about it and move on, ignore it.
If you think itll bother you and you'll keep wondering, ask them.

EverydayEssentials · 29/12/2023 16:37

If they knew you were in the bathroom, I suspect the comments were deliberate and you didn’t “overhear” them. How has Christmas been? Why might they have said that? If it was deliberate, they may be looking for a fight - only you know if it’s worth getting into it with them

Zonder · 29/12/2023 16:37

Ask your DH to speak to them and find out why they're upset.

LauderSyme · 29/12/2023 16:38

Did you ruin their Christmas? Intentionally or otherwise? Or is that an outrageous slur?

It doesn't sound like you guys like each other much.

WeeOrcadian · 29/12/2023 16:38

They knew you were there, they must've heard the shower running. It wasn't an accident

Do you generally have a good relationship with them? Are they usually arseholes?

Maddy70 · 29/12/2023 16:39

I would shove a cup of coffee in their hand and very gently say. Look I'm really sorry to bring this up but I overheard you when I was getting out of the shower.

Im really sorry i made you feel unwelcome. Please know that you are very welcome . Im just really tired with x yz and perhaps that came across

Its been lovely having you ..

MILTOBE · 29/12/2023 16:44

@Maddy70 Or you could say it with their suitcase in your hand, rather than a cup of coffee!

CatamaranViper · 29/12/2023 16:45

Maddy70 · 29/12/2023 16:39

I would shove a cup of coffee in their hand and very gently say. Look I'm really sorry to bring this up but I overheard you when I was getting out of the shower.

Im really sorry i made you feel unwelcome. Please know that you are very welcome . Im just really tired with x yz and perhaps that came across

Its been lovely having you ..

I sort of agree with this but don't make excuses if you haven't done anything wrong.

There could be any number of reasons why they think you haven't been welcoming, some of which are probably reasonable, some are probably unreasonable

AuntMarch · 29/12/2023 16:46

As pp. Don't make excuses, just ask why they feel that way because it wasn't your intention.

Unless you didn't actually want them there. Then just be glad they're leaving.

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2023 16:46

Why do you think they feel that way?

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2023 16:48

More context would be handy…

Swipe left for the next trending thread