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Original poster

Overhead conversation - wwyd?

240 replies

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 16:27

I'd just stepped out of the shower when MIL and FIL (staying with us for family Christmas) started to have an animated conversation outside the bathroom door. The gist was that they were pleased to be heading home because I'd made them feel unwelcome and unwanted and ruined their Christmas.

I could have opened the door at that point, but decided against fanning the flames and waited in the bathroom till I heard them go downstairs.

I didn't want Christmas to end with an argument. And I can't see any benefit in raising this with them when we next talk.

WWYD? Let sleeping dogs lie or ask for an explanation?

OP posts:
Itslegitimatesalvage · 29/12/2023 23:54

Sorry but then actually sound like misogynistic dicks. He handed the food to your husband, your hey and immediately refused it and handed it back…. And the comments you overheard blamed you? Said you made them unwelcome and uncomfortable? When you weren’t there, you didn’t receive the gifts and didn’t hand them back? But they blamed you? Yeah… they sound like dickheads.

HappyBusman · 30/12/2023 00:01

IDontOftenComment · 29/12/2023 23:34

I see there are still some folk wanting to see a fight even though the OP is completely happy.
It seems some on MN just can’t accept that some people actually live in harmony and don’t constantly need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes, this. People are actually berating the OP for not escalating the drama!

whynotwhatknot · 30/12/2023 00:25

your dh fucked right up there-they always blame the wife though dont they even though he said we dont need your cake its somehow your fault

Mamanyt · 30/12/2023 00:25

I do love a happy ending!

MsRosley · 30/12/2023 00:41

Howbizarre22 · 29/12/2023 22:26

Exactly. Women are always to fucking blame. Not of course their precious wonderful son who I’m sorry is actually a massive dick for being so awfully damn rude in the first place. Agh. Nothing will ever change will it.
And OP it appears you have also internalised misogyny for taking away from this that it ‘doesn’t matter I’m getting blamed here for the despicable rudeness of my DH where I had absolutely nothing to do with it and ILs are left thinking I’m a cunt because….phew! They didn’t know I could hear them!!! “ wtf

Show quote history

MIL then sent a genuinely lovely message in a text to me a few minutes later.

You're a better woman than me, OP. I'd be tempted to text back that I was so relieved we were on better terms, because I heard her conversation with PIL while I was in the shower, and was pretty devastated to hear I had ruined her Xmas after all the effort I had gone to. Your MIL deserves to squirm a bit. After all, she could have saved the horrible things she said for when she was in the car on the way home, rather than spout it in your own home without a thought that you might overhear. Fucking terrible behaviour and your reaction to it is strangely passive.

MsRosley · 30/12/2023 00:44

IDontOftenComment · 29/12/2023 23:34

I see there are still some folk wanting to see a fight even though the OP is completely happy.
It seems some on MN just can’t accept that some people actually live in harmony and don’t constantly need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

The irony that MIL was absolutely making a mountain out of a molehill and very much not living in harmony seems to be lost on you.

Cattymonster · 30/12/2023 07:41

The irony that MIL was absolutely making a mountain out of a molehill and very much not living in harmony seems to be lost on you.

I suspect it wasn't lost on OP. She's simply been able to rise above it, in the interests of maintaining good relations with her PIL, which can be hard to come by. Sounds like things have also been clearly explained to DH as well, so that he won't do this kind of thing again. Well navigated, OP. I agree with whoever said above that your family is lucky to have you Flowers

Minglingpringle · 30/12/2023 09:37

All the angry people who want a fight might find their own lives became more peaceful if they learnt to cut other people a bit of slack.

We ALL make mistakes. We make different mistakes from each other. If no mistakes are ever forgiven it must be like living in a barbed wire fence.

TerfTalking · 30/12/2023 18:00

So it was your DH that actually ruined her bloody Christmas? Of course, I eat she just brushed it all under table and instantly forgot her son was to blame.

Somerandomgirl · 30/12/2023 18:05

Are u sure you heard the whole conversation correctly and that they werent talking about someone else, previous years, something happened outside etc?

Wanttobefree2 · 30/12/2023 18:08

ILoveMyCaravan · 29/12/2023 23:24

Nice that it's resolved. However I do think it's a silly thing to bring a surprise cake and pudding. Did she really think you wouldn't have already have both items organised? OK if it's her contribution and agreed in advance, but you could equally take offence that your cake and pudding weren't to her liking so she brought her own.

I agree with this, it’s pretty silly bringing these as a “surprise”, as it’s likely you’ll already have them.

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2023 18:09

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 21:15

MYSTERY SOLVED!!

ILs left late morning. I've just cleaned out their room and found an earring on the floor that I think belongs to MIL. I asked DH to call her, and maybe also check that they'd got home okay and thank them for coming.

DH response - fine, as long as she doesn't mention the cake. (Now I'm confused!)

So, MIL had made and brought (as a surprise) a Christmas cake and Christmas pudding. FIL handed them to DH when they arrived, but DH then gave them back to MIL saying that I'd also made a Christmas cake and a pudding so we'd just use those and didn't need anything else. From this, MIL extrapolated that I had refused to accept her carefully prepared contribution to the Christmas food, and by implication sent a clear message that neither she nor her food were welcome in the house.

If offered the option I would absolutely have accepted them as gifts. But MIL was clearly still upset by the apparent rejection when I overheard the conversation this morning, deliberate or otherwise.

Nobody knows that I heard anything, and they don't need to. I'm quite relieved!

So her whole Christmas was 'ruined' because she was unbelieveably petty.

Wow.

I personally wouldn't be hosting again, as I'd feel I'd be on eggshells the whole time, if that was the drama

Somerandomgirl · 30/12/2023 18:13

Oh..just read you got it all solved ...what can i say..women being women... i say just forget about it and never mention it again.. or it will escalate to god knows where

Middleagedspreadisreal · 30/12/2023 18:20

Ask them. Sorry, just read the whys and wherefor's

sonjadog · 30/12/2023 18:24

Your husband is really very rude.

raindropsonatinroof · 30/12/2023 18:24

Muchof · 29/12/2023 23:30

I don’t know why you think this is a relief or even slightly funny . You are married to an ungrateful arse and his parents blame you rather than their pig ignorant son when you clearly were not involved. I’d be very disappointed with the lot of them.

I agree. Plus your MIL was bitching about you in your own house about something she hadn't even checked was the case- all after you ran around catering for her. Sorry but your MIL and your son both sound like absolute dicks.

coffeerevelsrule · 30/12/2023 18:35

Wanttobefree2 · 30/12/2023 18:08

I agree with this, it’s pretty silly bringing these as a “surprise”, as it’s likely you’ll already have them.

Show quote history

I expect MIL did run it by dh and he was all 'yeah, yeah...blah blah women talking,' and failed to let the OP know/check she was happy with MIL bringing the cake etc. Obviously I have no way of knowing this, but from what we know of him I feel it to be a feasible theory.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 30/12/2023 18:55

Goodness. A lot of llamas deprived of a drama on here!

Sallyh87 · 30/12/2023 18:55

Your husband sounds really rude! Just take the cake and pudding.

onlymyOP · 30/12/2023 18:57

It's simple... I wouldn't invite them to any more Family Events at my home and if they asked why I would say "because I overheard you saying how unwelcome you feel in my home last time you were there and I didn't want to burden you any further".

Don't let them disrespect you in your own home.....

Appleofmyeye2023 · 30/12/2023 19:12

🤣🤣🤣God, my dad did to that to me

couple of years after my mum died, first time he and his new partner hosting Xmas.

I made fruit cake (aka Xmas cake recipe minus Xmas icing) as was a favourite of his. Gifted to him along with other standard pressies.

did not make an appearance - nor did any Xmas type cake or mince pies 🤨😞, . Oh well

then as we were leaving he gave it back to me - said he didn’t want to upset partner who’d done rest of cooking ( her choice, refused help) , so I’d best take it home

I told him rather shortly, it was a gift as he always liked it before mum died , it keeps and he could put it in the bin if he didn’t want it . He then had a sulk lasting next 10
years 🙄

xmas cake is trouble clearly…emotionally and politically trouble 😱

mixedpeel · 30/12/2023 19:13

Minglingpringle · 30/12/2023 09:37

All the angry people who want a fight might find their own lives became more peaceful if they learnt to cut other people a bit of slack.

We ALL make mistakes. We make different mistakes from each other. If no mistakes are ever forgiven it must be like living in a barbed wire fence.

Well said.

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 19:15

Did you feel like you has been welcoming?
Because clearly your in laws didn't feel welcome.

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 19:16

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 19:15

Did you feel like you has been welcoming?
Because clearly your in laws didn't feel welcome.

I suggest you read the thread... fgs!

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 19:17

I read through op! Thanks for your help!

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