Page 12 | Husband GOT UP

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 2023-12-29T08:21:52+00:00

I WFH in a highly creative role. I find it impossible to work during holidays / weekends when people are hanging around the house randomly chatting to me when I'm attempting to concentrate (locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc). Husband reliably sleeps in when he doesn't need to get up for something, he works in construction and is off this week. I creep downstairs this morning for a couple of hours of peace / work and husband immediately pops up, yawning, asking for cup of tea. AIBU to demand of him why the hell he hasn't stayed in the bloody bedroom? He has NOTHING ON today. He is currently sitting there, slurping tea, breathing very loudly, preventing me from concentrating. Go on then, flame me (it's his house too, etc etc, blah blah) but jeez I've had to put up with so many people in my face and space this week I might kill him No I don't have an office Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities I think Christmas might have broken me.

PaperDoIIs · 30/12/2023 18:35

Kittyloulou · 30/12/2023 18:29

When COVID first hit and DH had to work from home he did it in the kitchen/dining room. No one could enter the kitchen during working hours (the kids weren’t at school due to lockdown). He would shout at us to get out. This lasted a week until I told him this was totally unreasonable, he could not work in our living space. He now works in the front lounge which is more of a formal lounge area without a TV and with a desk. He’s only allowed to migrate back to the kitchen when I am at work and the kids are at school.
you need to find a space that is not a communal living space to work in. What you are requesting is unreasonable. Put yourself in his shoes. I’ve been there, it’s shit.

That situation is in no way comparable. OP's children and husband knock on her door or text her to ask for snacks,where things are, to show her funny videos. Even when she's locked in a different room. At no point did she ask them to tip toe or not enter a room.

Did you interrupt your husband to ask what day it is? To show him videos on your phone? Did the kids bypass you and went in asking HIM for a snack? Did either of you text to ask him where YOUR things are?

Kittyloulou · 30/12/2023 18:40

Nope. We weren’t allowed to enter the kitchen all day. Not even to make a cup of tea or lunch.
Where in the house is OP working? If it’s a room that’s often passed through to get to another then it’s unreasonable. If it’s an office or spare room with door shut, then family is unreasonable, however I suspect it’s the kitchen table from what she’s said so far.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 30/12/2023 18:55

I can’t believe how many people think this is unreasonable 😂 I worked from home some time ago and if I was making some tea, I don’t see a problem with his asking for one himself? Surely if you have time to make yourself one, you have time to make him one? It’s not really backbreaking tbh.

as for asking why he “got up” “you have nothing on today do you?” It is his house aswell, he should be able to wake up when he feels ready to!! Bloody hell I would absolutely hate walking on eggshells like this.

if all you need is a laptop, go somewhere where you can concentrate? Whether it be to a relatives house, or you stay in the bedroom so your DH can go downstairs and get a cup of tea/some breakfast.. absolutely bizarre!!

BetterWithPockets · 30/12/2023 19:06

ChristmasFairyGodmother · 29/12/2023 21:49

I'll raise you teeth sucking and throat clearing.

Show quote history

Oh god. Mine whistles. I HATE it and can hear it through two closed doors (which is the maximum number of closed doors it’s possible to have between two people in our — frankly stupid mainly open plan — house (unless one of us hides in the bathroom. Which I have been known to do).
OP, I also get the inane questions — or sometimes inane ‘chat’ — when I’m trying to work. It drives me MAD. But also, I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread, so thank you. (And FWIW, think it was very obvious it was light hearted. It made me laugh anyway…)

Original poster

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 30/12/2023 19:16

Update: Today I got up early and went into the kitchen to work for a couple of hours and DH stayed in bed until 9 like a normal person and therefore I don't hate him any more

14yr old was instructed to get his own lunch and my goodness you would think I'd asked him to build a working ocean liner or similar. But he did do it

Later, all was quiet. I thought it would be possible to get some work done. The very moment I opened my laptop every other person living in my house appeared and asked me a question

So you know, swings and roundabouts

OP posts:

diddl · 30/12/2023 19:19

The very moment I opened my laptop every other person living in my house appeared and asked me a question

So what did you do?

amberisola · 30/12/2023 19:36

I must be a very harsh and uncaring person, but after DH barged in on me WFH a few times "looking for something" or with some other lame excuse I started locking the door.
Any request for me to get him tea or tell him where anything was would just be ignored. I simply can't deal with that stuff, work takes too much focus and energy.
When he has been off work and banging and crashing about the house all day, I have airily suggested that I fancy early retirement and muse aloud about how we'd manage on his salary alone.

Ilovecleaning · 30/12/2023 19:39

I am 70+ and I am thinking of starting a new thread in the new year.
I feel desperately sorry for the younger generation who seem to have a much harder life than I did when I was a young, then older adult.
Life seems so hard for young workers and young parents these days.
I get sick of old people bloody moaning when younger people have to put up with WFH, high child care costs, high rents, worries about children on the internet.
and the poor poster who had to work online in a Tesco car park! Honestly, I could weep. I count my blessings on a daily basis.

BlueFlowers5 · 30/12/2023 20:14

A lot of husbands require 90% attention from their wives in the house. It's maddening. Many of us escape to work for this very reason.

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 30/12/2023 20:18

restingbitchface30 · 30/12/2023 18:11

Christmas has broken me too! I’m used to it just being me and my 18 mo twins. At the mo my daughter is home from uni, to be fair isn’t irritating me, but declared she isn’t going back for a month so she doesn’t have to spend any money. I guess all your food is on me then. My 16 yo son is just generally a gross 16 yo, leaving crumbs and mess everywhere he goes. And my partner is just being an arsehole. Just being a general arsehole. I need my space and I’m getting zero.

You've got young twins and teenage children?

Original poster

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 30/12/2023 20:20

diddl · 30/12/2023 19:19

The very moment I opened my laptop every other person living in my house appeared and asked me a question

So what did you do?

I said, there is cheese in the fridge, I do not know where your earpods are where did you see them last, it is two thirty

OP posts:

restingbitchface30 · 30/12/2023 20:25

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 30/12/2023 20:18

You've got young twins and teenage children?

Show quote history

I certainly do. Safe to say I’m finished child rearing!

Snowflakeslayer · 30/12/2023 20:44

Have you considered talking to him? He sounds like a loser of the highest order, but your relationship clearly isn’t good either. Sounds like you could do much better!

MargotBamborough · 30/12/2023 20:47

You need to get better at telling your family to sod off when they ask for cups of tea and snacks when you are working and they are not, OP.

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/12/2023 20:50

BetterWithPockets · 30/12/2023 19:06

Oh god. Mine whistles. I HATE it and can hear it through two closed doors (which is the maximum number of closed doors it’s possible to have between two people in our — frankly stupid mainly open plan — house (unless one of us hides in the bathroom. Which I have been known to do).
OP, I also get the inane questions — or sometimes inane ‘chat’ — when I’m trying to work. It drives me MAD. But also, I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread, so thank you. (And FWIW, think it was very obvious it was light hearted. It made me laugh anyway…)

Show quote history

I feel your pain, ladies.

And FWIW I also agree with this (And FWIW, think it was very obvious it was light hearted. It made me laugh anyway…)

To me this was an obviously light-hearted thread, The number of people who seem to have taken it seriously is astonishing.

GeeEss · 30/12/2023 20:51

FGS, why are you in charge of the milk and tea! Tell them to get their own - and make you one / without interrupting you!

VampireWeekday · 30/12/2023 20:57

I am one hundred per cent on your side.

I am a writer and WFH. DP seems to think that the fact that I am at home means I should clean the kitchen, sort out his annual leave, listen raptly as he talks about the latest podcast he's heard, and then gets all offended when I point out that I am working. You're always working, he says. Yes of course I'm always fucking working in the middle of the working day on a Wednesday, piss off and exist somewhere else!

VampireWeekday · 30/12/2023 21:02

The other thing that works if you have a space that is agreed that is yours to work in for the amount of hours is join one of those group zoom calls. I find that me being in a meeting with my camera on stops DH from disturbing me as he doesn't want to be on camera (or more likely because an audience makes him realise that he's unreasonable to interrupt, or more charitably that I am working). I have been known to open up a meeting with just myself as a deterrent......

Greenshed · 30/12/2023 21:08

What was last Christmas like? Was it the same?

LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 30/12/2023 21:08

@BlackWhiteWhatNow not in a creative role but my job has required multiple exams which required revision whilst in the house with two small children and DH whose love language is videos of baby animals....

Ear defenders. No need to thank me.

😁

Missingpop · 30/12/2023 21:15

I’m just laughing that he’s trotted downstairs starkers asking you to make his hot drink 😂 I’d tell him to fuck off back upstairs & put something on; I wouldn’t want a bare arsehole sat on my sofa slurping tea cheeky shit x

Codlingmoths · 30/12/2023 21:21

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 30/12/2023 20:20

I said, there is cheese in the fridge, I do not know where your earpods are where did you see them last, it is two thirty

Show quote history

Honestly my kids are younger than yours and the answer to those questions is use your eyes and your tiny brain, if they aren’t in the cupboard labelled special things I have carefully handed over to mum to keep safe then you’ll just have to look- use your eyes and your tiny brain, use your eyes and your tiny brain. Ok everyone your questions have answered don’t come back unless the ambulance or fire brigade are needed, and if they are ASK YOUR DAD.

FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 21:30

restingbitchface30 · 30/12/2023 18:11

Christmas has broken me too! I’m used to it just being me and my 18 mo twins. At the mo my daughter is home from uni, to be fair isn’t irritating me, but declared she isn’t going back for a month so she doesn’t have to spend any money. I guess all your food is on me then. My 16 yo son is just generally a gross 16 yo, leaving crumbs and mess everywhere he goes. And my partner is just being an arsehole. Just being a general arsehole. I need my space and I’m getting zero.

@restingbitchface30

You are seriously complaining because your 18 year old daughter who has only just left school and recently started uni, is eating the food in the house? Are you expecting her to fund her own meals over the Christmas break? She is your DAUGHTER and part of your family, and will hardly have any money being a student...

And how can you be so used to it being just 'you and your 18 month old twins?' They were only born last summer... AND your teen son is still at home too, and your teen daughter has only just left home.

pineapplesundae · 30/12/2023 23:17

Maybe put a big sign on the door, table, chair, wherever you’re working with Office Hours and instruct the family that you are not to be disturbed during that time. Aside from that, headphones on and unless the house is on fire ignore them when they intrude during Office Hours!

CountessWindyBottom · 30/12/2023 23:41

You’re ckearly being completely unreasonable given how you’ve failed to housetrain everyone you’re living with.