To be upset with DP after they upset DD?

[Violah]

Sort of looking for advice on what to do but I think the damage will already be done.

DD13 was measuring her height and weight so that I could work out what size of clothing to order as she wanted a new coat.

She shouted her weight from another room so I could put it into the calculator. DP was astounded she weighed that much (more than him) to which I said before DD came through - do not make a big deal of this.

DD brought the scales through and weighed herself again and he pointed out to DD he weighed less than her.

DD left the room. I went to check on her and she was crying in bed. She pushed me away as I was tried to give her a cuddle. I tried to get across that she needn't worry about his stupid comment. But I know I've felt self-conscious all my life over weight so probably projecting those worries onto her.

I told DP off and I'm upset with him and on DDs behalf.

Any advice?

@Thatswhy11 - what are you talking about ?
Maybe read at least what the OP has posted before being so outraged ?

I have read every post on here and I am amazed. Normally a mans place is in the wrong on AIBU but that is totally topped by the chance to fat shame someone and trot out the usual "we have lost sight of what normal looks like".

And even the now out dated BMI recognizes some people are bigger built than others, that's why there's a range. .

It’s not an assumption. OP said her DH is around 5’7” and of slim build.

RTFT and you’ll find out how.

OP, can you work out her BMI from the weight and height she gave you? I know BMIs can often be BS (a professional athlete for eg could have an “overweight” BMI) but if her BMI shows that her BMI is in the healthy range, that could help reassure her that she’s perfectly fine as she is.

"my 5'7 husband weighs 7.5 stone"

That sounds like a thread in itself.

Is he unwell?

My 11 year old is 5'5 and just over 9.5st.

We don't know what height the daughter is? Is it likely she's also taller than he is, at thirteen?

There is such a thing. My best friend growing up and through our teens had visibly bigger collar bone and ankle and wrist bones.

I was my full adult height by 13. Girls tend to reach full adult height by 14-15 or two years after hitting puberty. 5’8” mother, 5’9” father. I’m 5’10.

Also, I think my Dad was actually 5’8” and a bit!

I was a chubby teenager. My DM made mean remarks about it for a couple of years, which were not appreciated. Then one summer she made a huge homemade vegetable soup which I had every day, by the end of the summer I was slim. It was the kindest way to approach it - actually ensuring that healthy low calorie meals were easily accessible every day, rather than making bitchy remarks or denying that there was an issue. I haven't been fat since (except for pregnancy if that counts!).

So imo the best way to approach this isn't to make a big deal talking about it. Talking doesn't make you slim or healthy or confident. The solution here is: homemade vegetable soup.

@muggart but what about the bread and butter to go with? 😆

Finally some common sense. What being porky as a child does to your image is the least of your worries. Think about the strain on the heart, lungs, kidneys, joints - need I go on?

What being porky as a child does to your image

What a charming turn of phrase. I am sure you are so concerned about this young girl's health and sense of wellbeing.

I'm sorry we haven't been much help with the words of consolation. My dd's father was the same as your husband and she survived.

How are things, @Violah ?

You are wasting time worrying about social media when you have a husband like that to fat shame her in her own house! And then he messaged to say come downstairs did he? How personal, how caring of him. Tell him it was nastY unkind comment, teen girls have enough to worry about from peers and social media and then her dad says what is word for word in teen girl language ‘oh my god you’re so FAT’ so right now unless you try extremely hard to fix this then I will be blaming you if our daughter gets an eating disorder or depressed. I don’t see you trying at all to fix this- TEXTING her to come down and talk does not say I’m so sorry, or I love you, or you are not fat. Think up some better ideas and don’t say anything so stupid ever again. I can’t even give you the benefit of the doubt as I TOLD you not to say it!! But you did anyway.

I think it’s time to reel in on this opining on DC’s fatness or otherwise. Op hasn’t raised concerns and it’s therefore nothing but conjecture. Frankly, it’s worse than that. It’s opportunistic, nasty and unbridled fat shaming under a disingenuous guise of faux concern. You don’t even know she is carrying too much fat. It’s just an opportunity for you to soap box about fatness.

DD13 was measuring her height and weight so that I could work out what size of clothing to order as she wanted a new coat.

She shouted her weight from another room so I could put it into the calculator.

I’m a bit surprised you didn’t help her get measured.

After visitors went away I asked DP had he spoken to DD yet?
He said no but will do it there and then.

I asked what he said and he said the reason he was shocked is because he always thought of her as small- as in his little girl and he apologised for upsetting her.

He said she wasn't fussed for discussing it.

That’s bullshit on his part, because you had specifically warned him not to make a big deal out of her weight before dd came in the room.

What he did was cruel and calculating and he can’t blame it on shock as he was pre warned.