To find SIL's comments on kids offensive?

[hmln]

SIL is in her mid 30s, childless and partner-less. She used to really want children but I think she's now given up on the idea.

I'm married to her brother, DH. We have DS 2 and DD 7mo. She constantly makes subtle digs at my kids and I previously thought it was just a phase, it would go away but it just hasn't and now that they understand more I feel like I need to say something. But what can I say? Each thing individually is minor but all taken together there's a theme. If I say anything to her directly she says she's joking or didn't quite mean it like that. But it adds up!

A few examples from the last few months:

1. DS is refusing to go to bed because he's excited at having arrived at his DGPs' house. I finally get him into bed after a 2hr battle. SIL "phew that looked hard, glad I'm not wasting hours of my evening like that on the regular hahahahah"
2. Whilst I was breastfeeding my DD I had to watch DS squeeze out a tube of toothpaste onto the floor and smear it. No one else was around to stop him and he wasn't listening to my "please stop" "please give me the toothpaste". SIL comes in and says "perks of being a mum eh"
3. DD kept us up for a night and we mentioned it in front of ILs because FIL literally asked how we slept. SIL "I think I value my sleep too much to have kids"
4. DH and I took turns entertaining the kids during the meal, MIL and FIL helped out a little too. SIL "feel so bad for parents, it effectively means you don't get to eat in peace for years on end!"
5. DS ran to cuddle and kiss DH with his face and hands covered in yogurt as DH came downstairs. Of course DH had to go change immediately, 5 minutes after he originally got dressed in the morning. SIL "eugh the joys of being loved by a toddler hahahah"
6. After DD fed some reflux came out. SIL "yuck, don't think I could bring myself to clean up anyone else's sick. Makes me vomit just watching this. You're so brave!"

if my child runs to hug me (or DH) I'd say that's the biggest privilege in my life!
You're really over egging it here OP. It's not a privilege to be covered in food by your child. Parenting is allowed to be boring and shit at times and your DC aren't going to be hurt by her throw away comments. You are reading way too much into this.

Erm, yes it is. Please explain why it isn’t this simple.

Imagine if parents went around poking holes in the life of childless people.

They do. Constantly. As evidenced by some of the comments on this thread.

This is true.

And women who don’t have children complain about it and rightly find it rude.

So makes sense people complain about it and find it rude the other way round.

Imagine if parents went around picking holes in the life of childless people

🤣 😂 🤣 yeah because that never happens.

No, that would make you a massive dickhead but it's really not comparable.

Children can be really annoying. I have one and yes, I love a good cuddle and no, I don't like being covered in yogurt. It's annoying.

I might need to re-read the examples you gave in your OP but I don't think she said THEY are annoying.

Oh and toothpaste thing. Why the fuck did you not just get up and take it off him? Breastfeeding doesn't mean you are immobilized until your baby unlatches. Take some control of your life.

It sounds like SIL is having a hard time and is at a really hard age - possibly heading towards a future without children (having always thought she wanted them) but still enough time to wonder if it might happen. That’s really not easy.

Nothing she has said is mean, or cruel. She might even be trying to connect with you/understand elements of parenting - possibly in a way that doesn’t match how you feel about it, but that’s just clumsy social stuff, nothing untoward.

You on the other hand sound really self-centered with a total lack of care and understanding for what she is going through. Please don’t say any of that ‘if my child glancing in my general direction for 2s, then the entire destruction of my life and dreams will be worth it’ total bullshit to her. That would be very cruel and kicking her when she’s having a hard time.

Also really confused about the breastfeeding paralysis situation 🤣.

What if he was opening the front door and existing the house? Or trying to get into the hot oven?

Yeah let’s be honest.
sore cracked nipples crap
being woken up for a feed crap
feel like shit bc of no sleep crap
being told by a DR that your child has a serious medical condition crap.
To be skint with kids crap. etc etc

To have a SIL to be rude and frequently dig at you and to be so petty crap.

I’m sure OP would agree with the above.

i Have got a photograph ( which makes me and DH laugh ) when my son was a toddler face and hair covered in chocolate- remember the day well - cleaning up after him - changing my T.shirt Wiping doors , floor table

Do I think thats ‘pretty crappy’No not really.

Just leave her to it...this is probably more about her than you and your children. I do understand it probably grates, though.

As someone who had a newborn alongside a hyperactive 3 yr old I can assure you it IS that simple, I've continued to feed my youngest while surf boarding my eldest. I've dealt with many issues while breastfeeding my youngest who never accepted a bottle and is still bf at 2.5.you either unlatch or get up and sort while feeding

I don’t have children (choice) and now too old to change my mind even if I wanted to).

I think the comments sound a bit snide and tedious. I think she’s trying to convince herself she never wanted them.

That’s so good! Super mum. 👍

Shootin, you’re quick with the retorts but you haven’t actually explained why you think it’s impossible or very difficult. Many of us in this thread are at a complete loss. I’ve breastfed two children and am certainly no super mum but really don’t get why it’s complicated?

I breastfeed all of my 3 kids.
So if other child is squeezing toothpaste etc, you need to be careful- placing baby down safe somewhere.
just thinking back years ago, when I was feeding my baby and my toddler was pulling down the Xmas tree. I jumped up placed my baby on sofa tripped over Christmas baubles on the floor, just turned round baby nearly falling off sofa.

Maybe don't leave Christmas baubles on the floor?

I assume they were only on the floor because of the toddler’s actions?

Still, it’s a bit of an extreme situation and not really like the OP’s toothpaste one at all.

Ah you're right - misread it.

My kids were kept away from the tree - literally, like the cats.

I shut it in another room...!

Because you weren't watching your toddler, if they're near a Xmas tree you are ready to pounce, also you don't put a baby down on a couch, you keep a Moses basket or travel cot in the living room at all times. And I'm far from supermum but how one arth do you think anyone navigates their day?

@Shootin so I would have walked over with the baby still on the boob and just taken the toothpaste. Doesn’t require placing baby somewhere safe. You’re massively over complicating this to prove your point. Nobody else who’s breastfed on this thread agrees with you-maybe you’re in the minority

That’s your opinion love.

Probably like you.

Baubles came off when toddler was pulling down tree.
i did not leave them on the floor

Many people’s opinion love. Maybe some of us are just less dramatic/precious/hard work than others 😊