To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

[Hjjo]

ds is 13 months. I feel like it’s constant and it won’t ever stop will it? He’s not even difficult. He’s a placid baby mostly. I’m just so bored. I feel terrible but I want to be at work and just away from the nappies and the routine and the non stop demands. I feel terrible for being able to be a sahm but not wanting to :(

@Thepeopleversuswork - can I ask why you repeatedly wind yourself up about all this? I think you've been on every SAHM post for the last ten years. But none of it matters. People say stupid things, so what? Why repeatedly engage with long diatribes? Don't look for insult where there is none. Nobody is accusing you personally of being a lesser mum than anyone else. The thread is not about you, or single mums. There is nothing to prove and nothing to justify and that applies to everyone.

If it applies to everyone then why single out pp? I recognise several names on this thread who usually pop up on similar threads.

Clearly, some people enjoy engaging with the discission and debate. If you don't personally, that's fine but why try and police other people? Especially just singling one person out?

@Thepeopleversuswork stop being so childish, I am talking about the women who have a choice, the ones who don't need to work. I am more than aware of the many women who have to work, this thread is not about them. I just take issue with the mums who would rather work than look after their little children, please read my posts before going off on one.

SouthLondonMum22 - there is no point in any of this though. People will just do what they feel they need to do.

I feel like I've answered this already but you may not have seen so:

a) It matters to me, partly for personal reasons (because I don't like being slagged off as a bad mother for working to support my kid, particularly by people who have never had to do it). Actually some people on this thread such as @youngones1 in particular are saying working mums are bad mums. So yes, I'm defensive about this and I will continue to defend myself and I won't apologise for this.

b) It matters to me because I feel really strongly that in general it's a good thing for women who want to work to be supported in doing so. That doesn't mean I think all women should work or that I look down on SAHMs. But when I see lame, lazy attacks on women for working such as "they should put their children first", I feel an obligation to stand up for all working women. I think it's really important. Nothing changes if you don't change out-dated, lazy stereotypes.

c) Because I love a good diatribe.

But why just women?

If a man can choose to work and not be selfish or not need to 'step up', why is it different for women who choose to work?

Then there's no point to 99% of threads on here.

I just take issue with the mums who would rather work than look after their little children, please read my posts before going off on one.

How is it different though? Whether you need or want to work ...the outcome is the same for the child 🤷🏼‍♀️
And spoiler alert it's no different to those who had a SAHM

But you can argue on that basis that there's no point to any kind of debate, discussion or thought about the way we live.

Of course in the real world people have to adjust their lives to fit their circumstances. Very few people have a "perfect" solution to this. Some people have to work and don't want to, some people can't work and do want to. Most people muddle along somewhere in the middle. And whatever is best for your family (including you) is always the best solution.

But that doesn't mean you don't get to discuss things and think about whether the society you live in is the best it could be for the largest number of people. Without debate, there's no progress.

But again: why shouldn't women work if they want to?

Not one scrap of compelling evidence has yet been provided as to why children with working mothers have worse outcomes. Because they don't.

As I’ve posted DH and I have never needed to work - why shouldn’t we if we want to. We both have sought after skills (DH - doctor and I’m an accountant). Due to our qualifications we have a choice - one of the greatest gifts we’ve given our DT’s is their education and the opportunities now available to them. They will have a choice as to whether to continue to work or be a SAHP.

My view, @Jessiepaintyourpicture view, @youngones1 view is that (and I don't want to misquote anyone here!) bringing up a child is the most important role any of us have and that a mother, biologically, is better placed to do that than a father. I get others have to work etc. I get mothers want careers etc but that doesn't mean the basic argument of SAHM mothers is wrong.

1) Children are best cared for by parents not paid professionals. And yes totally accept that a dad with good parenting instincts is better than a paid professional and grandparents too. Mine were great with our children.
2) Mothers (in the main) fulfil that duty extremely well and better than fathers (in the main).
3) Children need love and attention. They will get this from parents and perhaps the wider family.

Yes, children are not in nursery 24/7 but in their formative years they need 24/7 parenting.

As @sunray5 says this argument is going around and around in circles so it is probably best to agree to disagree on this one!

@Thepeopleversuswork we will never agree on this so let it go.

Yes agree, let is go now.😀

Fair enough. You’re entitled to your opinion. Just please don’t tell working parents they are failing their kids.

The argument is wrong because of the assumption that mothers and fathers all each fit neatly into a box and on the whole, are similar with similar wants, strengths and personalities.

People are different, including when they become mothers and fathers.

The argument is also wrong because it implies that raising children is only possible if you are with them 24/7. It's about much more than that, including providing for them financially.

I was bored out of my mind on maternity leave, I didn't feel fulfilled and I enjoyed motherhood much more when I was able to balance it with working full time.

If someone else feels happy and fulfilled at home as a SAHM, that's great. Good for them but the issue is when people try to apply that to all mothers.

It absolutely wouldn't be beneficial for my child to have a bored, miserable, unfulfilled SAHM and that's what he would've had with me so I went back to work.

This is my view too.

Parents bring up their children regardless of whether they go to a nursery. Children do not need 24/7 parenting to be happy and healthy - I have evidence of this with my DT’s.

@Thepeopleversuswork I'll say whatever I want.

But then so can pp so why tell her to 'let it go'?

Quite. @youngones1 I’m happy to discuss this with you but you don’t get to dish it out and then tell me to leave off.

@SouthLondonMum22 because she/he had another go.

So you can post whatever you want but you can police pp's posting if you feel she has had 'another go'.

Right then.

@SouthLondonMum22 @Thepeopleversuswork I had suggested we let it go as we disagree.

That's fine: I'm happy to let it go. I just ask that you give a bit of thought before you accuse people you know nothing about of being bad parents.

But on the central point we have fundamental differences on values and we are not going to agree so let's just draw a line and respectfully agree to disagree.