To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

[Hjjo]

ds is 13 months. I feel like it’s constant and it won’t ever stop will it? He’s not even difficult. He’s a placid baby mostly. I’m just so bored. I feel terrible but I want to be at work and just away from the nappies and the routine and the non stop demands. I feel terrible for being able to be a sahm but not wanting to :(

Can't people just accept that people have very different views?

That's not quite how a chat forum works, is it?

I'm not saying it is or is not in a child's best interests - I'm saying that I assume everyone tries to do what they think is best for their own situations. That's a decision that every parent has to make based on a whole range of things, including their own wellbeing as well as that of their child. Everyone feels differently and has different circumstances - so long as they are not neglecting or ill treating their children and are doing what they think is the best for them, I don't think anyone has the right to tell someone that they are doing the wrong thing. Why do threads like this always have to descend into arguments about who is right and who is wrong?

Women need to aim for careers not just jobs so that they have more opportunities and choices

Who would staff nurseries if there weren't plenty of women to fill those jobs?

I do know how a chat forum works. But this thread is up to 19 pages so far, much of it with people slinging insults at each other as usual. People on Mumsnet seem to be unable to debate anything like this without it getting nasty.

And where do these nappy-clad babies’ father stand on this? Do they have no interest at all in what’s best for their child, with the whole ‘not even contemplating being a SAHP’ thing?

@SouthLondonMum22 sometimes in life you need to step up.

It’s a career - opportunity for gaining qualifications, further experience and promotion.

@ElaineMBenes I can see all the benefits for yourself going back to work but what about the benefits for your child, you can always go back to work when they go to school.

@HappyBusman I think you will need to start a new thread before you go down that rabbit hole.

Another thing that influenced my decision to work was my upbringing.
I grew up in poverty, on one of the most deprived council estates in the uk.

I wanted a different life for my child. Financial independence and the ability to provide my child with the opportunities my parents couldn't give me have always been a driving force.
So to suggest I don't have my child's best interests at heart is insulting.

I'm only sticking up for the children who are only little being left behind by their parents because they find child care boring. I think we need to start thinking about them not ourselves.

What is anyone hoping to achieve in this thread? It just makes women sound daft, to be honest.

Nope, a career break in my sector is career suicide.
And did you miss the bit where I said two incomes allows us to live in our chosen location. We couldn't afford to live where we do now on one income and for us this location is incredibly important.
Not to mention having happy parents is very beneficial to children.

@ElaineMBenes indeed, I’m pretty sure any kid would pick happy working parents over a depressed SAHM.

I think you need to start reading people replies properly 🙄

@ElaineMBenes so will you be sending your kids to boarding school 'for their own benefit' too?

Wtf has boarding school got to do with this conversation?
Are you one of those assume that working mothers never see their children?

Children aren’t left behind by going to nursery - they flourish! DT’s learnt English at nursery which wouldn’t have happened if I’d been a SAHM as we don’t speak English at home. We’re a trilingual family.
We trusted the nursery staff - all well qualified, experienced lovely people - two of the staff became our babysitters.

I'm not going to RTFT because these things usually turn into SAHM bashing. But, I do it because I want to and it's the best thing for me and my family. I love being at home with the kids, we have a full life and I am completely content and fulfilled by it. That's not the case for everyone and that's perfectly fine.
You shouldn't feel bad if you don't want to. In an ideal world, we would all have the choice. You have a choice, so you should do whatever is best for you and yours. No mum should be made to feel guilty for whichever choice she makes.

I loved being a sahm parent when my children were young. I had a very demanding job when they were very little, but then took redundancy and stayed at home it was wonderful. My husbands career went from strength to strength we never had any issues with childcare during holidays/ illness it was lovely.
when my youngest went to high school I retrained and now run
my own successful business. No way could i be doing with all the rushing round and pressure on families there is now,
our Life was so chilled. We ate together every night the house was always tidy,

Only if you have a vagina though, right?

It’s a career - opportunity for gaining qualifications, further experience and promotion

Promotion to what?

It's a job, not a career. Millions of people have jobs and are content to do so. You'd be stuck if they weren't.

@SouthLondonMum22 that would be a new thread in itself.

Why would it be? It relates to this thread since there's a clear double standard when it comes to working fathers vs working mothers.

You're doing it again though: you're making insulting and ad hominem remarks, about working mums which are completely without logic, using comically out of date tropes and usually making claims which are demonstrably false:

a) the idea that children in nursery are "left behind" is simply wrong. There is plenty of academic research that supports the idea children in nursery often have better educational outcomes (though that maybe correlation not causation).
b) the canard that women work "because they find child care boring": mothers work for a wide range of reasons from necessity to mental stimulation. Mothers who have to work against their will very often struggle with it.
c) Presumably it's OK for working dads not to work "because they find child care boring"? Someone has to earn the money, right?
d) "I think we need to start thinking about them not ourselves": what does that even mean? again, you seem incapable of grasping that for many women they are literally working to support their children. Are you suggesting that working women, en masse, give up their jobs and run home to be with their children? Life isn't like that.

You can't both criticise a whole swathe of women and then in the next breath demand that everyone else "validate your choices".

I haven't seen a single poster on this thread suggesting that women need to work - this is pure fantasy. Everyone I have seen posting on here who is defending the right of mothers to work recognises that people make the best (imperfect) choices in the circumstances they face, which often includes staying at home. But you keep twisting this into nasty attacks on women who work.