To ask what made you want to be a stay at home parent?

[Hjjo]

ds is 13 months. I feel like it’s constant and it won’t ever stop will it? He’s not even difficult. He’s a placid baby mostly. I’m just so bored. I feel terrible but I want to be at work and just away from the nappies and the routine and the non stop demands. I feel terrible for being able to be a sahm but not wanting to :(

FEMINISTS???!!!?? WHERE???? GET THE SPRAY, SOMEONE, QUICK!!!!!!!!!

What a remarkably silly, short-sighted post.

Are you not a ‘feminist’? Whose activism do you think got you the right to work for equal pay in the first place???

@ElaineMBenes maybe but the fems are knocking the choice to be a SAHM.

@HappyBusman what a childish response. The pendulum has swung too far, if mums want to stay at home to look after their children it should be applauded not criticised.

Why should it be applauded? Which ‘pendulum’ are you referring to?

Yes, well put, that's my experience, a lot of feminists talk about choice but don't see being a SAHM as a valued choice more conforming to some sexist stereotype.

And you're being particularly insulting to working mothers so you can hardly take the high ground......

Yes, well put, that's my experience, a lot of feminists talk about choice but don't see being a SAHM as a valued choice more conforming to some sexist stereotype.

It is a valid choice, but a choice that is influenced by societal expectations. All choices are!

Feminism isn’t about ‘validating’ anyone’s choices. You seem to have misunderstood its purpose, while benefiting from its hard-fought victories.

The fems on here seem to condemn any mum having the audacity to choose to be a SAHM, it's ludicrous. Being a SAHM is a perfectly valid and reasonable choice.

Why is it a ‘choice’ disproportionately made by women?

@HappyBusman I don't know, why do more men choose to be labourers than women?

Do you think career choices are biological?!

@Hjjo please ignore the derailing and arguments on your thread, it always happens here around any discussions of SAHM vs WOH mums unfortunately.

Please don't feel guilty for not enjoying being a SAHM. People enjoy the various stages of parenthood differently - one of my very close friends really struggled with her DD's baby days and went back to work at 9 months. She found it much more enjoyable when she was out of the baby slog and DD was out of nappies, eating normal food and you can just grab a small bag and walk out the door. They have such a lovely close relationship and are best buddies now (our DDs are both 5).

She was saying to me a couple of months ago that she felt guilty for wishing her DD's baby and toddlerhood away, but I pointed out that you don't (or shouldn't) have a baby for the sake of having a baby - you do it for having children and for having a family. I hated the newborn stage but loved toddler/preschool age; even so I went back to work when DD was 1 and it's never occured to me to be a SAHM, even though we can afford it. In comparison, my sister absolutely LOVED the newborn stage and would have loved to be a SAHM, but is really struggling with my DN now who is a handful at the age of 6.

Everything is a season. Both choices are valid, but please don't feel that you're selfish for not wanting to be a SAHM. Are you under pressure from your partner at all?

This reads like great satire and thanks for the LOLz but assuming that it's meant to be serious: where to start?

Feminists are running riot on this thread

This made me laugh out loud (literally). Image popped into my head of memes of Suffragettes running around speeded up. (Goes off to do something creative on TikTok).

Being a SAHM does not set a bad example to your children.

Being a SAHM indeed does not set a bad example to your children. But signalling that being a SAHM is the only acceptable option for a mother and having a man refuse to do domestic labour does set a bad example.

The majority of people endure rather than enjoy work

Wrong. Just completely wrong. How on earth would you know this anyway? Have you surveyed everyone in the UK?

Parents need to start putting their children's interests first, not their own. Stop obsessing about your financial interests/ independence over your children's best interests.

If I didn't work, my child wouldn't eat or have shelter. Not going to be made to feel guilty by you or anyone else for supporting my child. "Putting my child's interests first" in your worldview would mean depriving her of family income which would be a breathtakingly stupid idea.

As for being somehow disadvantaged and beholden to your DH, don't worry, the UK has some of the most mum friendly family courts in the world, just threaten to leave and your DH will be very generous.

Are you actually a woman? It sounds as if you're a man.

God this is boring. Don't you people get tired of yourselves? Imagine being this triggered about SAHMs for years on end. You must be exhausted.

Who is triggered?

The OP started a thread asking if she was unreasonable wanting to go back to work. People responded with their views. That is how a discussion board works.

People not agreeing with you does not mean they or "triggered" (or bitter or jealous which are the two other hoary old chestnuts which always get wheeled out). It's called having an opposing point of view.

I research, write and teach women's career development for a job.
I'm not triggered by SAHMs as it's a perfectly valid choice.
I will, however, challenge stereotypes and untruths.

@Thepeopleversuswork I'm not sure if you went to school but let me respond as follows:

You agree that being a SAHM doesn't set a bad example.

You believe that people enjoy work. So do you also think people would go to work without being paid?

You do not have a choice, you have to go to work but the OP does have a choice, the fems are so obsessed about equal rights that they insist you should still go to work even if you can afford to be a SAHM.

The family courts are good to mums, do you disagree?

the fems are so obsessed about equal rights that they insist you should still go to work even if you can afford to be a SAHM.

Literally nobody is saying this

That is what is being implied, they are actually stating it sets a bad example.

That is what is being implied, they are actually stating it sets a bad example.

If that is the case how is it any different to you calling women selfish for choosing to work?

I did indeed go to school, thanks for your interest. I also managed to get a degree and an MA. But thanks for the cute little attempt at a burn!

You believe that people enjoy work. So do you also think people would go to work without being paid?

You do not have a choice, you have to go to work but the OP does have a choice, the fems are so obsessed about equal rights that they insist you should still go to work even if you can afford to be a SAHM.

This is a complete non sequitur. If I've read you correctly you are suggesting (without evidence) no one enjoys work and therefore the only reason for people to work is because they get paid for it. And by extension that the only reason to work as a mother is if you can't afford to stay at home. And therefore that no one willingly chooses to work if they can afford not to. Am I correct that that's the premise of your argument?

Surely if you've read this thread alone you would realise that's palpably wrong?

Literally the entire starting premise of this thread is that the OP doesn't want to be at home and wants to go back to work. Despite the fact that she doesn't need to work. I'm trying to grasp how you can believe that feminists are pushing the OP to go back to work when her starting post indicates that she wants to do it herself.

Because they are putting their own interests above their children's interests.

@youngones1

Because they are putting their own interests above their children's interests.

Prove this. You can't, can you?