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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Men using Mumsnet

384 replies

Moonshine5 · 28/12/2023 10:12

Mumsnet was always a safe space to me, a community of women for women and recently I have noticed an influx of husbands on here.
Can't women have anything just for themselves?I t's getting on my nerves!
(I'm not talking about same sex marriage / partners and I believe in equality).

AINBU Men please seek alternative forms 😊
AIBU Men belong here 🙄

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 30/12/2023 10:53

@Charlize43 Can you please show me some anti men rants?

CurlewKate · 30/12/2023 11:03

@Charlize43 I'm not a member, but my local
Church runs a monthly men's breakfast, where men can spend some time together and chat in a male only environment. The men who go find it helpful and therapeutic.

Would you like me to go and tell them it's hateful and abhorrent and they must stop at once?

5128gap · 30/12/2023 11:13

CurlewKate · 30/12/2023 11:03

@Charlize43 I'm not a member, but my local
Church runs a monthly men's breakfast, where men can spend some time together and chat in a male only environment. The men who go find it helpful and therapeutic.

Would you like me to go and tell them it's hateful and abhorrent and they must stop at once?

I think it would be better for you to turn up there announcing "woman here!" and tell them how much more helpful they would find the group if they had the benefit of your insight "as a woman" tbh.

Notimeforidiots69 · 30/12/2023 11:58

This! Thank you! ❤

TrolleyCase · 30/12/2023 12:04

I confess that I do like the idea about it being a women-only forum but I accept that all are welcome here. As we know we could all be men anyway, including me! (I am not).

What does irritate me is when women post comments like, I asked my Very Important Husband what He thought about this topic and He said…’.

Goatymum · 30/12/2023 12:05

You’re naive if you think it’s ‘safe’ - MN posts OPs on Facebook! It’s anonymous, so you can post more personal stuff under a nickname, but anyone can see it, you don’t have to be a member to read a thread.
I do agree it’s not a place for ‘incels’, but I would assume these type of posts are deleted.

festivetinseling · 30/12/2023 12:13

The internet is positively heaving with forums where men can find information about relationships with step-children, negotiating the perils of social services when trying to find the best way of caring for elderly parents, supporting their breast-feeding partner, dealing with a child with autism, and so on ad infinitum.

Funny thing is, as soon as they start to search online for that sort of information, Mumsnet is pretty much the top hit...

ErrolTheRednosedDragon · 30/12/2023 13:27

I think any exclusion is abhorrent. Can you imagine someone advocating the exclusion of jews?

From what?

For the overwhelming majority of activities, full inclusion is entirely correct and the norm (so, in the case of MN, parenting is absolutely something parents of both sexes should be actively engaged in).

But it's not 'abhorrent' for people with various protected characteristics to have groups specifically for themselves. Members of a religion shouldn't be forced to admit others to their worship if they don't want to. Black people shouldn't be forced to include white people in all their activities. Groups for gay men or lesbians should be allowed to be exclusively for gay men or lesbians. Single sex sports should be inclusive of that sex only. Etc etc .

FreeezePeach · 30/12/2023 13:35

Moonshine5 · 28/12/2023 13:32

Thanks for all your responses, I know in my heart of hearts when I post on Mumsnet I'm looking for communication from women otherwise I would be on parentsmail, etc. Peace out one and all.

@Moonshine5 can you please come back and clarify what you meant in your OP about homosexual relationships?

Verv · 30/12/2023 13:38

ErrolTheRednosedDragon · 30/12/2023 13:27

I think any exclusion is abhorrent. Can you imagine someone advocating the exclusion of jews?

From what?

For the overwhelming majority of activities, full inclusion is entirely correct and the norm (so, in the case of MN, parenting is absolutely something parents of both sexes should be actively engaged in).

But it's not 'abhorrent' for people with various protected characteristics to have groups specifically for themselves. Members of a religion shouldn't be forced to admit others to their worship if they don't want to. Black people shouldn't be forced to include white people in all their activities. Groups for gay men or lesbians should be allowed to be exclusively for gay men or lesbians. Single sex sports should be inclusive of that sex only. Etc etc .

Completely agree.

Mumsnet has a dadsnet section, which implies that the powers that be are aware of and have no issue with men using the site.
Therefore it is not a single sex space and shouldn't be policed as such. IMO.

5128gap · 31/12/2023 16:59

Verv · 30/12/2023 13:38

Completely agree.

Mumsnet has a dadsnet section, which implies that the powers that be are aware of and have no issue with men using the site.
Therefore it is not a single sex space and shouldn't be policed as such. IMO.

Show quote history

Everyone knows that MN permits men to join. No one ever starts a thread saying 'Are men allowed on MN?' We already know, they are! The threads about men on the site are from women who would prefer it if they weren't, is all. Like the threads complaining about smelly dogs in cafés, on people with BO on the train. They know they're 'allowed to' be there, but they dislike it nonetheless.

SoupDragon · 31/12/2023 17:53

5128gap · 31/12/2023 16:59

Everyone knows that MN permits men to join. No one ever starts a thread saying 'Are men allowed on MN?' We already know, they are! The threads about men on the site are from women who would prefer it if they weren't, is all. Like the threads complaining about smelly dogs in cafés, on people with BO on the train. They know they're 'allowed to' be there, but they dislike it nonetheless.

Show quote history

The OP wants them to leave.

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 02:00

I totally agree, every thread I browse men keep popping up like meerkats, it's creepy, akin to spying on a girls night in.

Ethylred · 04/02/2024 05:47

"Mumsnet. By parents for parents."

SoupDragon · 04/02/2024 09:29

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 02:00

I totally agree, every thread I browse men keep popping up like meerkats, it's creepy, akin to spying on a girls night in.

Don't be ridiculous 🙄

JamSandle · 04/02/2024 09:31

Honestly people are allowed to post where they like. This is the Internet. If you only want to talk to one type of person join a real life group.

WhateverMate · 04/02/2024 10:12

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 02:00

I totally agree, every thread I browse men keep popping up like meerkats, it's creepy, akin to spying on a girls night in.

If that girls night in was held in a public arena with roughly 8 million other people, then yes, it would be akin to that 🙄

StephanieSuperpowers · 04/02/2024 10:15

Yeah, but imagine the relationships board without the male refugees from reddit and slashing the instances of women being called "females"?

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 12:00

Obviously it's the internet, and all sites crave traffic as dictates their advertising numbers. I get that allowed to be here, but what I don't get is why they'd want to. My DH doesn't have to go down the pub when the girls around, but does out of courtesy as knows hanging about would change the dynamic. And chirping in comments, defensive and over sensitive, as happening now, an unlikely Damascus. What might sway me a little is if someone can provide a link to a post where we can all think thank goodness a man was here, we'd never have got there without.

WhateverMate · 04/02/2024 12:07

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 12:00

Obviously it's the internet, and all sites crave traffic as dictates their advertising numbers. I get that allowed to be here, but what I don't get is why they'd want to. My DH doesn't have to go down the pub when the girls around, but does out of courtesy as knows hanging about would change the dynamic. And chirping in comments, defensive and over sensitive, as happening now, an unlikely Damascus. What might sway me a little is if someone can provide a link to a post where we can all think thank goodness a man was here, we'd never have got there without.

I get that allowed to be here, but what I don't get is why they'd want to.

You don't get why a parent might join a parenting forum?

Seriously?

TeapotTitties · 04/02/2024 12:12

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 12:00

Obviously it's the internet, and all sites crave traffic as dictates their advertising numbers. I get that allowed to be here, but what I don't get is why they'd want to. My DH doesn't have to go down the pub when the girls around, but does out of courtesy as knows hanging about would change the dynamic. And chirping in comments, defensive and over sensitive, as happening now, an unlikely Damascus. What might sway me a little is if someone can provide a link to a post where we can all think thank goodness a man was here, we'd never have got there without.

What might sway me a little is if someone can provide a link to a post where we can all think thank goodness a man was here, we'd never have got there without.

Fascinating way of looking at things.

Can you provide a link where other posters can think thank goodness you were here, we'd never have got there without?

Mumsnet is a massively diverse public forum with an abundance of topics that suit lots of different people, regardless of what they might have between their legs.

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 12:45

Seriously in italics: If I was sporting a penis and the sign on the door said Mums I'd walk on for sure. Elton or David I'd deem an exception, and one parent fathers of course, there's always exceptions, but as a general rule - no. I wouldn't wander in, pull up a chair, and don a badge saying turbomaxplus. But as said earlier - I'm happy to recant, simply post a link to any contribution yourself or any male has made that proved enlightening to the mothers present.

EBearhug · 04/02/2024 13:10

But as said earlier - I'm happy to recant, simply post a link to any contribution yourself or any male has made that proved enlightening to the mothers present.

You're not always going to know, are you? Some threads are about things like periods, menopause, childbirth, breastfeeding, so I would probably query a man speaking up then, especially if he starts with "man here" - but if it's about a child being bullied at school or a TV programme or an unidentified plant in the garden or the family pet behaving oddly or something, then a poster's sex isn't that relevant, and as it's an anonymous forum with millions of users, it's quite likely thst you've read some posts by men, thought, fair point, and moved on, without realising they're a man.

Most posters here are women, but not all - the only problematic ones are those who make a big deal about being a man as if that gives what they say more importance. Unless it was a thread about prostates or ED, it's not likely to be relevant that they are a man, and posters who mention it tend to get shot down for doing so. If people are contributing okay, then carry on. If they're clearly trolling, report them.

TeapotTitties · 04/02/2024 13:16

Annieawakelate · 04/02/2024 12:45

Seriously in italics: If I was sporting a penis and the sign on the door said Mums I'd walk on for sure. Elton or David I'd deem an exception, and one parent fathers of course, there's always exceptions, but as a general rule - no. I wouldn't wander in, pull up a chair, and don a badge saying turbomaxplus. But as said earlier - I'm happy to recant, simply post a link to any contribution yourself or any male has made that proved enlightening to the mothers present.

I'm happy to recant, simply post a link to any contribution yourself or any male has made that proved enlightening to the mothers present.

Mumsnetters are not your personal assistants. You're just as capable of finding posts like that as anyone else.

So you're ok with gay male parents and single male parents accessing parenting advice/relationship advice/advice on their children if they have SEND for example, or any other of the vastly diverse topics on MN, just not men who are part of a couple?

Is this because you still see parenting as women's work if they have a woman in their lives to do it?

TeapotTitties · 04/02/2024 13:20

EBearhug · 04/02/2024 13:10

But as said earlier - I'm happy to recant, simply post a link to any contribution yourself or any male has made that proved enlightening to the mothers present.

You're not always going to know, are you? Some threads are about things like periods, menopause, childbirth, breastfeeding, so I would probably query a man speaking up then, especially if he starts with "man here" - but if it's about a child being bullied at school or a TV programme or an unidentified plant in the garden or the family pet behaving oddly or something, then a poster's sex isn't that relevant, and as it's an anonymous forum with millions of users, it's quite likely thst you've read some posts by men, thought, fair point, and moved on, without realising they're a man.

Most posters here are women, but not all - the only problematic ones are those who make a big deal about being a man as if that gives what they say more importance. Unless it was a thread about prostates or ED, it's not likely to be relevant that they are a man, and posters who mention it tend to get shot down for doing so. If people are contributing okay, then carry on. If they're clearly trolling, report them.

Most posters here are women, but not all - the only problematic ones are those who make a big deal about being a man as if that gives what they say more importance.

And given that most posters here are women, I've often suspected some of the really obvious 'Man here' windup merchants/trolls are women anyway, just pushing the buttons of MNetters who get annoyed about it.

Trolls gonna troll no matter what sex they are.