If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

Thinking about my private school classmates, overall we did nothing dramatic or exciting. Our education was great, but didn't lead to any notable adult success. Many of our parents have said it wasn't worth it, but I don't know what they thought they were buying. Private school isn't a magic ticket for adult success generally.

My niece went to private school and she's now in her third choice of university as she didn't get the a level grades needed for her first two choices. She's going to finish the same as my two daughters who are doing similar courses.

So it's made no difference to her.

We looked at all the local schools available for secondary. The state schools were awful so we took the private route. Financially there were times that it nearly broke us but it was the best money we ever spent

It was the early nineties so perhaps things are better now? My husband also went to a boarding school with an excellent reputation which has damaged him in many ways. Older students left in charge of younger students in the evenings, awful bullying, guns left on site from the shooting range, a teacher who has now been imprisoned for abusing students.
I don't know how you could absolutely make sure your child will be cared for as none of these things were evident to parents at the time.

You’re going to get a mix of replies from people who loved it and people who hated it so it’s not really very helpful. I think the best thing you can do is weigh up your state school choices and your private school choices and make a decision based specifically on those schools. My kids went private senior because the state school choices in my area were bad. I’ve never regretted it but could equally have chosen state had they been good.

I run an after school activity with a good mix of state and privately educated children.
The ones from private school are all very confident. Much more so than state, however this often comes across as bragging and self important.
The state school kids all mix and make friends with kids from all the other schools. The private kids can only seem to talk to other kids from their class/school and never mix with any of the other children. They are very good at talking to adults though, but only in a showing off sense.
In terms of academic ability I see no difference

Was just thinking today how it was the best money I've ever spent. They're so well educated, loads of amazing experiences, confident across wide range of situations and very strong network of friends.

Yes, but we moved to a European country where English was not spoken in the state schools (unsurprisingly) when they were secondary school age. I also worked in the private school so paid only 10% of the fees... If we had stayed in UK they would have gone to a local state secondary school. In the end they took International Baccalaureate instead of A levels which was very good one but less good for the other!

Private school is about connections and relationships made, having recently had this conversation within a circle of people who themselves and children etc all went to private and/or boarding schools it’s purely about getting to know people and having that in the bank for the future.

My parents think it was. Mixed experience for me, boarding and day, but I haven't sent my own DC to state school.

Christmasfairygodmother, My kids have that, and I didn't pay for it

Not for me - pros and cons, but for much less than the money it costs I reckon I can replicate the good bits and hopefully avoid the really awful bits for my kids. We live quite centrally in a reasonable sized city with lots of sporting and creative opportunities though.

OP it entirely depends on what your local options are.

Where I live, there are many small village state schools, who whilst starved of funds, are nonetheless excellent learning environments, with caring committed teachers. Even the richest people in the area (and there are many) don’t generally send their kids to private primary.

There are 2 state secondary schools in catchment, both very good. Both schools are able to fill their teacher vacancies, they have committed head teachers, the standard of teaching is generally good, and the kids have plenty of opportunities to thrive.

The nearest private secondary school is about 45 minutes away. It is, I hear, absolutely excellent. But parents who send their kids there will have to commit to doing loads of driving to visit school friends in the holidays etc, which would have really put me off (if I’d had the money to consider it).

But it would be a completely different story if you had a local excellent private school and only crap state schools to choose from.

Sorry ..what I meant was some of my sons friends, it was an all boys school, found it challenging sometimes when much emphasis was placed on certain things outside their areas of interest. There was so much sport for example and it seemed to often drive so much time that the kids who werent so keen seemed to resent it.There were kids there who just were not so inclined, not so musical, not super academic who struggled to find their place. I am not explaining it very well am I? I guess what I am trying to explain is all the schools are different and its worth taking the time to find one if you go down this route that will suit your child and make them the happiest.

I think if you are talking about public schools then this may well be the case but your average independent? I disagree.

Assume they would have achieved worse in state.

In fact, my father said it was the best thing they've done for me, to send me to *that school.

People frequently talk about private school students having an inner confidence. Possibly the case.

You get what you pay for. But, consider the wealth of others. It sounds like your child will be the poorest in the class. In that position I would focus on enhancing state education rather than him being the disadvantaged kid.

I agree @DewHopper I'd say that was more the top public schools.

In my group of 10x 50 yr olds who met at uni.
We are an absolute mix of 'success' (in terms of how high we climbed the career ladder), actually all successful if I think about it, and it bears no relation whosoever to our mix of private/boarding/state grammar/state schools.
You would never pick now who went where. Except my boys very posh boarding school friend and that isn't for a good reason.

Dustylee - How does a kid know they're going to be a doctor midway through primary? You mean it's decided for them?

I am a teacher of about 20 years and have taught in both private (single sex girls and boys up to 13+) and also state schools (juniors).

My findings are this -

Children in the private sector have one teacher to 12-20 kids plus specialist teachers for certain subjects. They are also often tutored outside school and usually have access to amazing facilities within the school.

State sector kids are taught by one (usually very stressed) teacher to 30 kids, who teach everything (and do a bloody good job). Limited access to resources but if the school is good, the kids can do very well.

Teachers are good/not so good in both types of schools - no difference at all.

However, in affluent areas, state school parents can access the same as private school parents outside of school (eg tutoring, clubs etc etc) which makes up for any shortfall at school, if that is what is important for you as a family.

My 2 both go to the local state schools, which have been brilliant and both kids have done very well. But yes, their schools are good/outstanding and we live in a fairly affluent area, plus we have given been able to give our kids access to out of school clubs/top up tutoring when needed etc etc plus support them at home.

Interesting to find out why those who were privately educated and wouldn't educate their own kids, would like to share? I was state educated in another country and had a really good education. Tbh back then it's completely different to state education now.

Is it an inner confidence or is it the confidence that comes with privilege and feeling that you are "better" than others? I'm not being goady but confidence isn't always a good thing and doesn't always come from a good place. I am in Ireland and our fee paying schools would not be as exclusive as private schools in the UK so when I lived in London it was my first time mixing with truly privately educated people. I felt they had to "place" you by asking what school you went to which I found bizarre, it is pretty irrelevant in Ireland. I also found some struggled to find any common ground with people not from their background. I don't view that as confidence, if you are truly confident and self assured you'll fit in and thrive in any situation and with any group of people and I didn't find that to be the case.

Why have you been horrified? Can you elaborate?