If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

My DCs were state schooled, and my DSCs were privately educated. My DH has seen both sides of the coin and says if he had his time over, he definitely wouldn’t have wasted his money on private education before the age of 11, but still would have sent the to a private secondary. All are DCs are broadly similar academically, and gone into decent careers. The one main difference I have noticed is that my DSCs are MUCH more confident than mine as young adults.

My children both went to private school.

I would have to say for them - absolutely it was the best thing. They both achieved well academically and are now in good jobs. My DD also hugely benefited from the sport on offer.

Would they have done they sane at state school ? No one knows. When we started the private school journey I knew it was less of a gamble going private and I was prepared to pay for that decision.

Are you commutable to a Grammar school , definitely worth it if commute is an hour or under.

Forgot to mention the reason we considered this school in the first place was because the state options within our area are either brilliant or appalling and I didn't want to risk the state school lottery and getting one of the terrible ones.

*our (sorry typo, not poor education 😂)

'Miles ahead' in what regard, specifically?

As for the original question @edithfg it's impossible to answer unless you took hundreds of sets of four identical people (more identical than actual identical quads, which of course isn't possible), kept every other factor the same, but put one through a not so good state school, put one through a very good state school, put one through a not so good private school and put one through a very good private school, and then compared them. Even then, how do we measure success? Hopefully not just in academic terms. The reality is that any parent who can pay their child's way up 'the success ladder', in some form or other, is most likely giving them an advantage overall. Money talks.

With private schools it isn’t about the grades. So many jobs and industries that have access to very high paying wages are still nepotistic. (unfortunately I went to a state school).
The difference I’ve noticed with friends who went private vs state, is how quickly they’ve gone up the ladder, got the cushy jobs , access to money for investments…. All through networks.

What are your locale state schools like? If you have excellent state provision then I wouldn’t pay for private - so many of the benefits private education seems to confer are actually the benefits of just generally growing up wealthy. You will generally get smaller class sizes and better facilities in private education but if you’re in the catchment area for a good state school anyway those things are less important.

Mumsnet is very pro private school. I don’t think you’ll get many people saying they wasted tens of thousands of pounds and regretted it.

I've not been to a state school in this country but I've been to 2 boarding schools and it really depends on the school. The first had poor uninspired teachers- mainly creepy older men. This was for GCSEs. The school was incredibly cliquey so after trying to take part in horse riding/drama/etc I gave up. The second school was for A levels and was a very academic hot house type environment- very small classes and passionate teachers which I loved. But absolutely no other enrichment on offer. In both schools there were incredibly damaged kids, some who had been boarding for years, and that was really sad.

I'm 44 now, went to private school for prep and senior, now run a business - never underestimate the power of the old boys network / old school tie.

Not only did I have a great education, I have at my disposal many friends who I can call on for advice, for example I met an old chum who is a barrister for a coffee and bit of free legal advice before Christmas, I would have had to pay had I not had the contacts. Of course it works the other way too.

More remotely I was at another businesses offices touting our services, noticed a Harrow straw boater on the bookcase in the MDs office, struck up a conversation, said where I went, response was the works yours if you want it...

Back when I had salaried jobs i got them all through people I knew / friend if a friend, informal chat and I was in.

The investment is still paying off big time...

They have the staff numbers required to deliver a fully differentiated curriculum and deploy staff as required e.g. in my daughter's class there's a massive range of abilities so sometimes they can have 5 or 6 teachers in there

This is another very good point. From reception, ours were set for reading and writing. There was about 5/6 groups, each with a different member of staff. This meant that the more able were stretched, and the ones who found it more challenging got the extra support they needed.

It depends on the child and whether that specific private school can bring out the best in them. If that objective is met then it is good money. On the other hand I have seen grammar schools bring out the best in boys.

It’s really sad when the sum total of education and school is viewed as grade results.

What I observe to be the biggest difference between state and private is how much extracurricular enrichment there is as standard.

Not just the sports and clubs, but the other things which spark a love of learning in children.

We have an outstanding state primary, and a famous private prep locally. I follow both of social media, and know kids at both.
The stark difference for me is how the schools approach events like world book day, Pride month, Black history month.
One gets kids to dress up. The other invites famous authors and activists to speak to the children and do activities and community events with them.

One school gets kids to dress up as doctors and nurses for a day. The other built a mock hospital and gave all the children roles and had them working together to perform an operation and then look after the patient.

It’s those sorts of learning experiences which you pay for, and which light up imaginations

Grades are important but it’s so antiquated to think that learning experience begins and ends with prepping for exams

Through any of this education or networking did you learn how to explain your privilege in a slightly more humble manner at all?

It’s not as simple as yes or no. It honestly depends on the child and the school.

If you’re lucky enough to get a place at a really good state primary school then I would save your money for secondary if that option isn’t as good. I recently taught in an excellent state primary while my children were at the local prep school. The academics and quality of teachers were similar. The major difference was the access to art, sport and drama lessons by specialists at the prep school. Also more time spent outdoors, often having lessons in the beautiful school grounds. At the state school, children finished school an hour earlier. Many parents collected children and took them to the local hockey club or art club (very middle class area). Some pupils of course just went home every day and didn’t get the extra experiences. Overall, I could see how the prep school gave a slightly ‘better’ experience, but not £7k per term better.

I’ve taught in several schools I wouldn’t send my children to. Disruptive children, lack of outdside space, really poor art, PE and music provision, taught poorly by the class teacher due to lack of specialist teachers. This could apply to private or state. You need to have a really good look at the schools in your area and make a judgement. It’s definitely not a simple yes/no answer.

My dad was privately educated and it made him very passionate about not privately educating my brother and I as he thought it was a waste of money.

Tbh my personal opinion on education is that if parents are prepared to help their kids and put time into educating them then go state. My parents helped me a lot with GCSEs and A Levels. Literally my dad would be back from work at 7:30 and be doing science questions with me until 10. I did well at school because of my parents not the school. If you don’t have time to do that then I’d go private if you can afford it. Alternatively you can look at tutors.

This nepotism argument has always confused me. I think that unless you go to one of the big public schools, these networks just don’t exist. Both me and my husband attended not particularly well known private schools in the midlands, and neither of us can think of any peers who got a leg up from contacts made while at school. I went into law, and have never dealt with any school peers in my career.

Really your question depends on what the state schools are like in your area.
Another option might be tutor + state.

There tends to be more variety in the independent sector. Schools will carve out a niche in the market. So some will be academic, some sportier some music, some mixed ability etc.
The state sector isnt homogenous but the variety is based on where you live. If you are london there might be meaningful choices but elswhere not so much.

100% worth it in every way - I also taught at the school so got a fee reduction for mine as they came through.

In my area - the parents themselves describe their children at private as confident and happy. True. The general mood around town is that the children are entitled and superior. Also True. Many parents are pleased that their children are the confident/happy/entitled/superior ones as they tend to do well as a cohort.

This is exactly our experience. We are fortunate enough to have a really outstanding state high school nearby. Both of mine have done brilliantly, plus we’ve had the option of a really really wide mix of highly academic and vocational subjects to choose from, which I suspect is broader than many private schools. So I think in some areas it won’t make a difference and some it will. Of course, mine won’t get the benefits of the “old school tie” where it occurs though (really hoping this is becoming less of a thing).

That sounds awful @Windthebloodybobbinup - a good, inspiring teacher can make so much difference, and these can exist in state or private schools - alas the overworking of teachers and support staff in state schools recently has led to many such teachers losing their motivation and enthusiasm because it's just so darn hard every single day!

Definitely depends on the private school, the state school options and your child.

I went to private school and didn’t find it particularly beneficial, in fact I found that the overt competition regarding grades etc almost completely destroyed my love of learning and I preferred to be responsible for myself and my own learning. I also found it difficult being around only people of privilege. In the end I have made great friends from school, and somehow we happen to be the ones whose parents worked hard and earned the money for us to go (rather than any inherited wealth etc) and 5 of the 6 of us now work in the public sector.

I did get more of an opportunity to play sport as fewer students means if you are average at sport you’ll still get a look in.

However, children who need quite a lot of support or encouragement with learning may benefit from private school. I think my sister would say she was glad she went; whereas I would have preferred to go to the comp which was a good school just a lot more people.