If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

*we couldn’t go further up the ladder

Depends on your state options. If they’re bad then yes, go private. If they’re good I wouldn’t bother. Private doesn’t necessarily mean better.

I've been a nanny for over 25 year.

I've looked after kids from both private and state schools. I hate to say it but the kids in private schools have ALL been miles ahead.

What are your local schools like? If they are outstanding for example I’d wonder what you’re getting for your money from going private? My DC have been fortunate to be in catchment for an outstanding primary & secondary; DS got all top grades at both GCSE and A level and is in 2nd year of degree with internship and hopefully graduate job lined up. He got an average of 95% in his A level papers. DD is on track for top GCSE grades too in the summer. Both good kids and keep good company. I could have spent a few hundred K and not sure what difference it would make. Maybe DS would have had better access to sports at school instead of local team - all I can think of. Had they been in catchment for poor schools I’d have considered others options but I don’t see why you would want to if you’ve got access to good state schooling

I know one family who sent their two to private mid way through primary school, because one was going to be a doctor so needed a good education.
The first ended up at the same sixth form as mine and did worse in their A levels, in fact they hung on in education by the skin of their teeth.
The other begged to go to the local high school in year 9, so did.
So they spent all that money and didn’t achieve what it was meant to.

DS went to private school. The HT of his primary school said we should do it if we could. Best thing we ever did. Superb , all round education and he made a group of friends which he still has, 30 years on. He was very ill in the Lower Sixth and missed a term of school but with the support of the school, he still got into Cambridge. One of the things we noticed early on was that the school gave the boys great self confidence and we notice the difference even today. To be honest, I think it depends a lot on the child as well. We had friends whose third son refused to follow his brothers to public school and ended up earning more than both of them.

I had a private education. 100% not worth it. I'd never send my own kids.

Most of the people I went to school with also chose not to send their kids (and not for financial reasons).

If you give us the options (which private school and which state school), people who know the schools could give more specific advice.

Yes.
We did state primary then day boarding senior school.
Its been the right choice for us - our state options were okay at best, downright scary at worst.
Academically I’m not sure its made a massive difference, I think our kids would have done okay with exams wherever they went, but being in small classes with the whole class engaged helped.
It’s the endless opportunities they’ve been given outside the classroom thats made it worth it.
Its been a big expense, but no regrets.

I’m not asking about exam results. I mean the overall experience. Thanks

Yes.

For us yes, one very academic child who flourished at a super selective independent day school and one child with learning difficulties and global developmental delay who left school with 3 A levels (and DofE gold) and now has a degree. Both have fabulous friendship groups and a lifelong love of team sports and various hobbies and interested.

Third one went to a very smart boarding school which we were very unimpressed with - total waste of money. Unlike the other 2 schools it just didn’t get the best out of our child.

I went to private boarding school... hated every moment and although I achieved well in my exams (straight a/a*) I am now in a job that requires no qualifications bar the usual English and maths and all 4 of my kids are home educated and arguably ahead of where I was at the same age.

Exams are not everything but as you get closer to that stage you might find you care a bit more. Whichever you go for you will want choices for your child and that often means doing OK to well in exams.

I teach in the private schools and the state schools in my area (specialised sport). The state schools are WAY better. I only started at the private this September, and I have been horrified.

If you can afford private, I wouldn’t hesitate. More choice, longer holidays, smaller classes, greater freedom with curricula, free from govt control, teachers less burnt out, better financed…

From what I’ve seen it’s a lucky dip, with some areas also having wildly better options.
Locally as a teacher/tutor I saw many poor private schools, a steady stream of children moving to state at yr 2,5,7 and 9 who were asked to leave as they weren’t keeping up. Even with this pushing out of the lower achievers the results aren’t amazing. We often helped these kids gain both confidence and move on academically. I’ve tutored a fair few whose parents were desperate to keep them in private school, but who made poor progress at school.
However for friends in south london and Surrey it sounds like a different picture, there’s some excellent options for those who can afford them.
I must say among my adult friends a few did well at boarding school, very well, but more seem messed up by the experience.

I think private school was good for me - I was a quiet academic child, with some quirks. I really benefitted from the additional academic stretch and high expectations.

My children are at a state primary - my view was that it made sense to start them in state and then see how we felt about it. They are doing really well and I don't plan to move them unless something changes. I feel like at primary level the enrichment that DH and I can provide goes a long way.

I will think about it again for secondary

DH and I were both privately educated. DH went to boarding school,I went to a girls day school.

The biggest issues for both of us were not having friends locally. The school I went to was in a different town, so I had a long commute. Both dh and I suffered from being in single sex schools.

DH went to Cambridge and I suppose its arguable that his school prepped him really well for the interview, but we'll never know.

When we had our dc we were adamant that they would go to the local state school, which they did. Absolutely no regrets.

I went to private secondary. I am incredible self confidence, it developed during secondary school as I was really shy in primary.
I have a gazillion weird quirks too from private education.

From my circle of friends, you can spot the privately educated by the confidence. This isn't always a good thing, obviously.

So far, yes.

My ds was the youngest & smallest in his state primary school class. He's strong academically but not at sport. He loathed school PE and was made to feel useless, isolated and miserable because he didn't like football.

It was reasonable up to yr 5 in terms of academics but yr 6 was spent bringing the less able children on, to get them through SATs, which I understand as a tactic but left DS bored, angry and resentful, where he had mostly enjoyed school before..

I moved him to a small academic independent at 11. They have been brilliant.

He has done well academically, but they have resolved his issues with PE, he's made friends and is confident and happy. He's forecast 7-9s for all his GCSEs but has also grown in every other way. It's a huge relief.

It does depend totally on the school and some state schools are brilliant and some private schools are really not all that.

Go to the open days of the schools you have a chance at getting in and rank them as if money were not involved.

Often a private school will have a lot more extracurricular activities, and more sports. Be cautious if there's any chance of neurodiversity or additional needs for your dc, as some private school curate their results by asking weaker pupils to leave.

The small class sizes of some private schools isn't necessarily a brilliant thing if it means your dc have a much smaller pool of potential friends and doesn't "click" with any of them.

We went with state for primary and private for secondary and have been very happy with our choice. State primary has a lot of advantages at least till y4. Y5&6 can be dull for a bright child so moving a couple of years early is worth considering if you choose that path.

Yes. Not all private schools are the same though so make sure it's a good one.

Again I think it really depends on what the other local options are in terms of sports, music, drama etc and what your own capacity is to manage ECAs for multiple children. One of the main benefits of a private school to a certain parent might be sport every day and a focus on specific team sports so that the child gets to a good level vs a child who only plays once or twice a week at a club. Another child might find the longer school day that facilitates that hour of sport and the consummate match commitments an obstruction to regular participation in a minority sport that’s not played at school or a club sport with a high time commitment ( eg academy football). That’s just one example but there would also be parallels in pretty much any interest.

The benefit of a private school is that the children can often access everything through school so it’s less running around for parents. But if your child has interests that aren’t typically offered at school they might be better off at a state school and access that separately.

My children go to a private school and it’s worth every penny. Small class sizes, specialist teaching from an early age, excellent co curricular activities, lots and lots of sport/exercise, competitive sports matches for all, lots of trips/visits, no dropping non core subjects to cram for SATs, poor behaviour not tolerated and most of all, a culture of being proud of achieving.