If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

Of the examples in my family that went to private school I don't think it was worth it.
Private education produced, a gardener, physiotherapist, teacher, nurse, social worker. All worthy occupations but totally achievable without private education and the financial sacrifice the parents went through.
I have cousins who attended state schooling earning more in IT, Pharmaceuticals, Finance, University Lecturing, Architecture and Engineering.
I suppose it depends on the quality of state schools in your catchment area. You could always supplement local schooling with additional private tuition where necessary.

I would agree with this.

The private school kids I teach are all able to 'rise to the occasion' remarkably well when there are visitors/they are on show and have an inner confidence - possibly from having more individual attention from a young age.

But on the flip side, some find it far more difficult to work independently and seek constant attention from the teacher - when you're in a class of 30 there really isn't that option!

Thats not strictly true. We were so not wealthy and it took all of us including grandparents to pay for school. I did mix with some very wealthy people in our time there but to my knowledge they never looked down on me or my son. If they did they were too polite to say anything or make me feel bad. The kids who came to see us out of school may have lived in very lovely houses with parents who had really nice lifestyles but they too worked hard and were very nice people, I was not decked out in designer gear or had the latest range rover but they were welcoming always and were as comfortable in my semi when they dropped their kids off and had a coffee. The wealth aspect made no difference at all. They werent that shallow,

The big question is how you judge whether it was "worth" it. Is it purely salary that the DC earns later as several PP are suggesting?

One of my DC is trying to go into an interesting, well-paid, job... the other into a real passion, which is never going to earn much money. I don't personally feel that's a failure.

I teach a subject across multiple schools from the very poorest state school in the city to the most expensive private school. The pros of private school that I spot are the children are ahead academically and far more confident. The cons are that, by around year 5/6, some of the children seem to look down on others and I am respected far less than in the state schools. Some are lovely and exceptionally polite but far more are downright rude than in the state schools. Also I teach a subject that is fun and in groups of around 20 and the private school children, whilst well behaved in their strict, small classes, do not seem to be able to handle the excitement of a fun subject in a large group and the behaviour is worse. The politest children I come across are home educated which I'll be honest surprised me but I see if regularly. I wouldn't send my children to private school mostly due to the entitled children.

Yes and no. I went to a private school, got into Oxbridge and met my lovely OH, so definitely a win there. But maybe that would have happened anyway if I'd gone to the good state school round the corner, and I would have been better socialised and learned how to motivate myself and work in the face of boys and fun distractions.
And the wider effects on our family... There were huge negative knock on effects from the lack of spare money and - crucially - from both me and my brother going to single sex academic hothouses. I think if my mother could have looked in a crystal ball, she might not have done it.

At least they weren't boarding schools though - THAT really fucks people up!

Me - yes. I was such a terrible geek and my school from 10 yrs + was small and the right fit for me academically. I had a lot of freedom and support to pursue crazy learning interests. This is in the US by the way. I could already read when I started school so I have no experience of 'learning' that but the state primary schools I was in in California were experimenting with new styles of learning maths etc which helped me developed a lifelong fear of the subject. Class sizes were massive in both states, the NJ school was lord of the flies socially. It was an absolute relief to get into the private school my parents found for fifth grade onwards. If you weren't an able student in the California school I have no idea how you'd have survived - I think it's possible people left without basic skills.

All of that said - this was the 1970/80s - and I think everywhere things are much more structured now. I wouldn't necessarily have that freedom and choice again but also at least in the UK I don't think you would fall though the cracks academically the way you could have when I was in the US state system years ago. However, my experience did absolutely influence my choice for my own children. I think they would have been fine in the local state schools academically from what I've seen, but the onsite extracurricular options have made it 'worth it.'

I really think it depends on the schools you have available to you. DH and I went to boarding schools - I loved it, he didn't. I wouldn't have played as much sport or music possibly, but my results weren't stellar and a local state would have sufficed I'm sure. My world view was very narrow at 18 - I didn't know anyone at state school and thought everyone had big houses, ponies and tennis courts.

Our four children have all been through (superselective) state grammars - one is at Cambridge, one at another excellent RG and the younger two still there. Many of the things people are citing are offered at their school - they are one of the best (state) cricketing schools in the country, have matches against the big local indies, a strong fencing team, have sports tours to Dubai, Argentina etc, trips to NASA, MUNGA, have amazing sport and drama opportunities - and have an enviable conversion rate of Oxbridge application to offer ratios (superior to several well known public schools near here, acc to recently published data in the Telegraph).

I did feel guilty for ages that they weren't at private school - DS1 won a top scholarship to a prep school and whilst we were agonising over what to do, my parents advised against getting on the fees treadmill if we didn't have to...!

Research carefully what you are paying for and investigate beyond the glossy brochures...two really terrible teachers have just gone from the boys school to big name indies...!

These threads are seldom useful. It’s a mix of those who are adamant that private school is head and shoulders above state in all cases, and those who are a bit ‘sour grapes’ about not being able to afford private school for their kids when they themselves were given a private education, so have to pretend it did them no good and their kids would do no better if they could afford to send them to private school.

My parents put all four of their children through private school.

From our experience I would say it hugely damaged my confidence. I went from being the brightest in the state school primary class to mediocre and it has affected me negatively my whole life.

One of my siblings has had an incredible career but not in something traditional so the school just don’t care/didn’t support in any way to get there. It seems that unless going down the doctor/lawyer route that’s the case.

I don’t think the sport was great either.

This was GDST

What have I said that is not true?

No, I wouldn’t do it again. Eldest is early 20’s and has a super job on 100k+ per year but not in the field she studied and I don’t believe the education gave her a huge leg up, she’s a grafter and started at the bottom of what she does and has worked very hard. She tells us now she hated school but was a quiet child who just got on with it.

youngest is miserable as hell in her private school, she’s a very open character and hates the rigidity of it. She will be going to state sixth form next year as she does not want to stay where she is.

If I had the choice again I’d go for state school and use the money for additional teaching during exams and cash in the bank for their first homes.

Also just to add, I imagine a lot is to do with support outside of school. I'd imagine the type of parents who send their children to private school care about education and are quite possibly well educated themselves so the children possibly would have done well in state school anyway.

I feel that the kids I know who went to private school have more confidence and got great exam results without working as hard as the kids in state school.
It might be because private schools expect high standards consistently or peer pressure for working hard from the start but the state school dc I know, had to work much harder and much more independently to get their grades for uni.
They also have to be more independent when it comes to extra or super curricular activities. State schools don't have the provision to offer these to all pupils but may be able to offer only to a select, if at all.
It's more effort, but once they get to uni, I guess it doesn't matter. They all end up at uni with each other.

Doesn’t mean it makes much difference when they’re adults though 🤷🏼‍♀️

Depends on your options. Not all private schools are top of the league. Some state schools are excellent, some are poor. A low private school is unlikely to produce better grades than a top state school.

Here in the North West, our "local" private school is for "problem" pupils rather than the top academic ones. All manner of parents send their kids there after they've struggled at the state options, such as getting into trouble, school refusing, etc.

One of my clients is a plasterer whose teen son was half way down the road to crime, never did any school work, constantly in trouble at school for disruption, bullying, etc. They couldn't afford it, but sent him to our local private school which is a boarding school, just to take him away from his "friends" who were leading him astray. It turned him around and he's now at Uni, but "only" got mediocre/average GCSE and A levels - better than nothing which is what he'd have got if he'd stayed at the state school.

That’s not true.

I doubt it. There is a lot of kudos that comes with graduating from a top school that makes life so much easier than for those who don't. It's about opportunities and connections, basically the leaders of tomorrow. It isn't about grades and going abseiling, it's about the networks and opportunities.

I think you have to be aware that the difference in standards between the best and worst private schools is likely to be far wider than that of state schools.

I attended a world renowned public school and yes, it was fabulous both academically and socially. I went on to Cambridge and am privileged in pretty much every way.

However, I have friends who attended smaller private schools and they didn’t even have qualified teachers. Their experience was nothing like mine, in any aspect.

I’m finding this really interesting, that 70% of posts seem to focus on academics, and the other 30% on confidence. My main drivers for considering private are that I don’t want my quirky, bright but sensitive child to be beaten up. That sounds dramatic, and probably is - it’s more nuanced than that, but I guess it comes down to me wanting them to be able to enjoy school, get on and learn, and have friends, and not be afraid to go to school. I’d also like him to have an actual
maths teacher, rather than a PE teacher teaching maths, and be taught in a classroom with a reasonable number of other children, not in the hall with 60 others because the geography teacher left and hasn’t been able to be replaced. Our local secondary is seemingly on the up now after a massive intervention when its own teachers apparently called ofsted because it was so out of control. I’ve not seen a worse ofsted report. A few years back it was considered to be a reasonably good school, but took a massive dive. Maybe it will continue to improve. Perhaps it won’t. As a pp said, it feels like by going private you’re paying for the lesser gamble, the better bet? I don’t know. It shouldn’t be like this. I want to be able to just send my children to the local state school, but I care about their well being and so I need to consider whether the reality of that is as good as the principle.

My son was bullied at Junior school, and I thought he was dyslexic, the teachers kept brushing me off. I just couldn't get anywhere with school. My son was miserable and about to go to senior school with the same batch of kids, so we moved him to a local private school which has taken all our spare money. It has been without a doubt worth it.
He quickly made friends, came home smiling and started to excel in the maths and sciences and was picked up as being dyslexic. His self esteem recovered and he has completed 4 A levels with excellent results. The support in university applications was also excellent.
He completed his Gold D of E while at school and took part in lots of extra activities included in the fees, and was so encouraged by the staff. He is a delightful young man, and I know his relaxed, considerate engaging manner has been influenced by the school and pupils.
I was worried that the other families would be completely out of our league, and although many of his friends have bigger houses and more money it's never been a problem. The school is down to earth and the kids are lovely. It's not the most prestigious school in the area or the one with the best results but it was definitely the right choice for our son.
The local school went from a good to unsatisfactory Ofsted grading in the time he would have been there.
The only down side is having to deal with the judgement from past friends but I wouldn't change my decision.
Good luck in making your decision.

I would add that the recent COVID enquiry highlighted the problem with people being given very expensive private school education from a very young age - an incomplete experience which can come back to bite you in the bum.

I went to state until twelve and so I had friends who had immigrant parents, friends who were taken "back home" and spent months in schools where they still used the belt, friends whose Dad's belted them at home, kids who weren't bad but obviously fucked up from their messed up families, kids who had a lot of plus points but who just were.not. academic in the least, and so on.

It makes a huge difference to have seen "real life" with your own eyes, rather than just intellectually knowing that certain things happen. Huge.

Yep. Lucky, fortunate you. The inequality money brings is still live & kicking in 2023.

It makes a huge difference to have seen "real life" with your own eyes, rather than just intellectually knowing that certain things happen. Huge.@Paperbagsaremine

But so few state schools actually offer this? I don’t have children but I live in a desirable catchment area (estate agent couldn’t shut up about it when I was buying) and everywhere around me is middle class yummy mummy types and their hipster husbands. I hardly think their children are going to be mixing with the offspring of drug addicts and prostitutes?

I have noticed this too - there is far more to education that getting a well paid job.