If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

It's the kids that would put me off. My daughter has a bunch of friends from private school that we've known since primary and meets at a shared activity. A couple of them are insufferable with constant boasting about their school, academic prizes and amazing holidays. They are the top performers in their year and the success seems to have gone to their head.

Intelligence is massively linked to genetics according to research so the better academics will be mainly because their parents are clever and successful.

Exactly this! So far we are more than happy with the experience DD is having in private school Vs experience her state secondary friends are having. Calmer classrooms, less disruptive behaviour, smaller class sizes and access to amazing sports, music, art and drama facilities.
It isn't about the results for us, but the whole experience she will have throughout school

You’ve described my state school here. In fact many people moved theirs from the private over the road to state recently.

I did what another poster said and used the money to move house to guarantee a place.

OP it’s a lottery I think, just review each school individually on the basis on the needs of your child and see which environment makes them feel safe and excited for the opportunity

When my eldest daughter started at her high school we had just moved back to the states after being in Germany for 6 years. She also missed an entire grade of secondary (8th grade) because we put her with her age group again, after being put back a grade in Germany to acquire the language before going to secondary at 11.
She especially needed help with math so I had a local tutor help her with homework. She told me she was shocked at how challenging my daughters homework was and that it was harder and there was a lot more of it, compared to the local state high schools, some of which are considered among the best in the nation. She was studying math at a local uni and said our dd was doing more work than she was. In fact, when our dd went to college, despite it being considered in the very top universities in the nation she found it EASIER than high school. She found she had often read books and academic papers given to them in class at uni during high school.

For me personally, I absolutely think it was worth it. Gave me support and self confidence, I think I would have floundered badly in state (specifically, the really awful state secondary that I would have had to go to).

I had a mixed group of private and state friends. It’s really obvious to me looking back that the private pupils came out ten years ahead of the state ones. These are people I know so well, there’s no difference in their intelligence and capability, but most of the ones who went to private school did well at university, then in to good jobs. The ones who went to state school either floundered and didn’t go to university, or did but didn’t do as well then ended up in lower paying jobs. About ten years post-uni everyone had evened out a bit and found their own preferences and successes.

We can’t afford to send our two to private school, and it does worry me. But we have a lovely local primary and are looking to move ahead of secondary applications to get in to a really good secondary. My outgoing child I don’t worry about so much, but the shy, introvert, struggles with dyslexia one I definitely do - the individual child and individual school makes a big difference.

I had one at each at secondary age (both state school at primary, though DSC were at private so I'm familiar with that too). Advantages of private were teachers with much more time for individual pupils, better communication with parents and ability to meet any specific needs or issues. Much better sports (many teams playing competitively and also more hours/week for all) and more choice of extra curricular and trips (some £££, but not all). Also, a culture where it's cool to be bright and to ask questions in class, which was sadly lacking in the state secondary school.
Advantages of state schools were the community feel and DC having lots of local friends - particularly a good thing at primary age. Privately educated DC also returned to the state system for sixth form partly for A level choices, but also because she had decided by then that she felt the others in her school to be annoying snobs. She mixed with a wide circle outside school and I think was a bit embarrassed about being at the private school.
Personally if I was in your shoes I'd start them off at the local state school if it's reasonable and consider a move to private at age 7 or 11, depending on how they were getting on and what your state secondary options were like

the 'whole experience' of not mixing with just a privileged elite is one of the main reasons we choose state, which all my kids thrive in.

Yes for one child, no for the other.

It doesn't buy good academic results. My experience was that as you go up towards A levels if your child is not academic and/or a sports achiever the school will lose interest in them.

In all honesty one of mine would have been OK anywhere (bright, sociable, fairly sporty but not a fanatic, nothing quirky); the other should have been home schooled. But private school was better than my local alternatives.

Agree with every word of this.

DH went to private school from age 8 and ended up getting kicked out of Uni at the end of his first year - so not sure his parents see it as a particularly worthwhile investment.

I'd say he does have a high level of self-confidence (but who can say that's not his natural personality?) The only other benefit that I've seen is that he's very good at rifle shooting games when we take DC to the fair!

I know 3 siblings who went to a private school, all adults now and not worth it

One has never worked at all!
One works for the family so doesn't need private education
One is a baby machine

Total waste of the parents money and they struggled to afford it too

My DS went private until end of year 5 when they could ‘no longer meet his needs.’ They were very good, but they didn’t have the experience of the local offer to get him an EHCP. The local state primary did and we eventually managed it in time for secondary. He is now in state mainstream and is not doing brilliantly but there aren’t any other options for us. It really depends on the school and on the individual child.

DD is at a private school and has absolutely thrived since she got there. She doesn’t come home say X has hit or pushed her yet again. They really have really worked with her to find out what she is passionate about, Maths and Music, so she has stretch focus sessions based on these 1 on 1 with the teachers. Her confidence has also increased massively. I’m really pleased we were able to send her!

Whilst it does not suit some children I found, it worked brilliantly for my son. My son was very academic and at his school you fit in great if you were academic,musical or sporty! It maybe wasnt so appealing to the kids who were sort of middle of the road if you get my drift. We, as a family had never had anyone go to public school or university before so it was a major thing for us all ways round. Was it worth it? A million percent without a shadow of a doubt. My son loved it and came out well rounded straight to a Russel group Uni and is flying in a career I will never understand!!! Why did we do it? Well he was my only child and I wanted him to have the chances I never did and yes I unashamedly did it to give him a leg up rightly or wrongly. I paid but school did an amazing job for us.

@whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher 'sort of middle of the road if you get my drift'......care to clarify what 'drift' you are getting at?

It depends on where you live and your state options. My friend has 2 children: one went to a state school and the other to a private school and both ended up with the same GCSE and A level grades and both went to RG universities and are doing well.

Same. My dc school is great. An amazing array of extra curricular. No tolerance for bad behaved children. Small class sizes. Teachers know the kids personally and little details about them, so many benefits really.

This is like asking if SUVs are worth buying.
Too many variables.

For me 100% worth it, never a day I have regretted it. Covid in particular highlighted the difference. Online school (not just lessons) from day one.

I think it depends on you, your kids and the school.

Round here (Cheshire) the private schools are pretty dire and it's not academic success you are buying. The grades and the university destinations are no better than state. As a lawyer, whose colleagues are predominantly privately educating their kids (London, Surrey and surrounds) they moan frequently about the difficulty and "pro-state" attitude of Oxbridge these days.

What you are buying is easier childcare (longer days) and wider extra curricular activities in schools meaning you don't have to input so heavily. Ours (after MUCH debate) are at state and we do the heavy lifting. Our DD plays 4 instruments and our DS plays a multitude of sport depending on the season.

Yes the contacts are important but we are in a position where we can gift networks and contacts and bestow confidence.

From my friends kids experiences, I wouldn't say they are further ahead academically. Our village primary has class sizes of 20-25, 4 teaching staff per class and extra curricular in line with private (chess club, STEM club, art club, multitude of different orchestras and bands, not just football and netball). The only thing it doesn't have is a pool.

@edithfg if you are talking about overall experience, private is miles better - but also depends on the school. in my mind, the only private schools worth paying for are the highly selective ones. me, my siblings and cousins are all private school educated but the experience amongst us varied hugely depending on which schools we attended. I would do som research into your local private schools including going for visits. depending on what year your dc are in, they need to start getting ready for the entrance exams now. also you only get out what you put in. After enrolling, a lot of parental input is still needed and children may still need extra tutoring etc. to reach full potential.

So… my daughter has been in private education since reception (now Year 9). Had you asked me this two years ago, I would have told you it’s a total waste of money BUT she has really turned into a super teen - bubbly, hard-working, very sporty, confident, popular with a really lovely group of friends. I think a lot of it is thanks to the school. Her best friend is at Holland Park which is one of the best state schools on paper, but she really changed to the worse and the school environment sounds awful. Her mum wants to send her to my daughter’s school.

If we'd stayed in London we'd have sent DS to a private secondary, as the local state secondaries were awful (Forest Hill area).

We're out of London now with excellent state options, so we will send DS there and keep the extra money for his house deposit and university fees.

Our local state schools are some of the worst-performing in the region/country, and we knew that when we moved to this part of the world (but our house was therefore pretty cheap). I am a teacher at a private school and get a 50% fees discount. Both our DC took advantage of that.

One of them is flourishing there, but probably would have succeeded everywhere; a confident all-rounder. The other, who is now at uni, found the pressure fairly intense BUT was able to take a mix of favourite subjects which would have been impossible anywhere else locally. I honestly don't know how differently they would have turned out if they had gone elsewhere; they would certainly have different interests and extra-curriculars etc.

I sometimes wonder whether the money was "wasted." It does depend on alternative options, and the individual children.

(I went to a private school, on a 100% scholarship, and was the first in my family to go to uni. Like a PP, I've never 'networked' based on that!)

I think that unless you have experience of state and independent then you cannot say that the state school is as good. Preps have specialist teachers from the get go which just does not happen in state schools sadly and class sizes throughout private education are smaller - I never taught a GCSE class of more than 15 or an A Level class more than 8. Staff were a good mix of older and younger and experience was valued and not belittled as it so often is in state schools (teachers will know what I mean). There were no behaviour issues and it was just a lovely place to be for staff and pupils.
I also spent half of my teaching life in state schools and despite there being some good, dedicated teachers there were huge problems - appalling behaviour, young over-promoted and clueless managers, huge classes and the micro managing of everything that a teacher did at every moment of the day (the planning!) was just ridiculous.
Unhappy teachers make for unhappy students.
Not every state schools is struggling but far too many are and of course not every independent school is amazing as some of the smaller ones struggle financially and may well shut if Starmer has his way.