To feel hurt by SIL’s reaction to Xmas gift to my niece

[Undecided234]

Hi all,

So my DN (11yo) is a massive Stranger Things fan and for Xmas I decided to get her a couple of tickets to the new Stranger Things show that’s just opened in the West End.

I purchased the tickets back in March via the advance pre sale and prior to buying them spoke with my DB and said since the show didn’t open until the end of this year and it’s asking a lot for any of us to know where we might be that far in advance, I would try to get tickets for a weekend date in early 2024 with a view to then moving the tickets to another date should it end up clashing with anything at their end.

The added advantage of booking 11 months in advance was that I was able to get a couple of tickets at pre sale prices that I could afford but would also give my niece a decent view. Delaying seeing the show until 2024 also allowed time for the reviews to come out on Dec 15th so that I could check the show wouldn’t be too scary for her before gifting her the tickets Xmas day.

Come Xmas day my niece is delighted with the tickets. My SIL who had been watching DN open her gifts, sharply says “well when is it”, to which I reply the tickets are for the middle Sunday in February but if that dates an issue, I’d be more than happy to change them to a different day. SIL nods her head and no more is said, but I sense somehow I’ve done something wrong.

On Boxing Day, since DB and SIL hosted myself, my mum, and my younger brother for Xmas, I sent the following text to SIL
“Hi SIL, just wanted to say thank you so much for hosting us all yesterday, was lovely to see you guys and to hang out, thanks also for the pressies - very kind of you! Xx ps Re DN’s play tickets - just to confirm the date is Sunday 18th Feb, at 3pm - hope that’s ok if not I can change it for another time :) xx”

SIL then replied with “No worries, glad you enjoyed it. 18th should be ok but maybe just check with us before booking”

Thing is I did check with DB before booking (who I can only assume didn’t mention it to SIL way back in March), the show isn’t for another two months so is not as though it’s last minute, and not only that I reiterated verbally Xmas day and via text Boxing Day that I was happy to change the date if it was an issue.

Can’t help but feel offended as I don’t see how much more considerate I could have been. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive but feels as though I’ve been scolded and spoken down to and as a result feel hurt.

Even if I hadn’t checked with DB before booking, surely by saying to SIL more than once that I’d be happy to change the date of the tickets if it’s an issue, it didn’t warrant her chastisement?

By way of context, I see my niece and nephew no more than once a month at best, rarely take them out for the day unless it’s a special occasion - and always check their availability well in advance. In contrast, SIL has previously booked weekends away and just assumed I will be available to babysit without even checking first.

SIL is also known to be a bit of a ‘dragon’ and I hate confrontation so I’ve always tried to stay on her good side but am sorely tempted on this occasion to stand up for myself. Just not sure how best to do so.

‘I checked with DB when I booked it - he must have forgotten to tell you.’

And stop offering to change it!

She's probably gutted you found a great present that she didn't think of.

Tell her you checked with your brother!
SIMPLE

Yes, just tell her you checked with your brother. I don't think you need to stand up for yourself, it's just a fact!

Tell her you checked with your brother and how far ahead you booked them. You have done a lovely thing and she’s being unreasonable, but perhaps she doesn’t understand the context. Your brother probably forgot you mentioned it too. Either way she sounds a bit precious. You have been very thoughtful. Stop offering to change it.

Agree that you can just say you did check with your DB.

This is her being her. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong.

Yes, the obvious answer is to let her know you did check with DB before booking.

‘I checked with her dad, and this is the 3rd time I’ve said I can change the dates if it’s inconvenient’. Going from her immediate reaction it looks like she was trying to pick fault from the beginning

I've known people like this. They are so determined to feel hard done by that they turn themselves into pretzels to find something to be victimised about. She is being very passive aggressive/ borderline aggressive. Completely miffed that you have done something so wonderful. She sounds like someone who would bitch about everyone behind their back, and she is stuck for something to bitch about now so she's pretending it's an inconvenience.
I would msg to say you confirmed the date with your brother, maybe he forgot to bring it up.
You are clearly a lovely and thoughtful person, and like most nice people it takes a while to realise that so many people are just a$$hats and always will be. (I keep realising this more each week). I wouldn't give her any more oxygen, but just back yourself if ever she crosses you or tries to use you again.

Also stop being available for babysitting if she doesn’t check before booking!

Youve done a nice thing for your niece!

Don't do it by text it's the worst thing. Also get your brother to tell her you did ask him.

If you don't this will blow up. Don't text.

let it go

You sound like such a lovely and considerate aunt. Your SIL is being ungrateful and mean. I agree that you definitely need the last word on this by saying you did check the date with your brother- she shouldn't get away with being rude about this. And next time she expects you to babysit last minute, use her phrase back at her. I would have given your niece one ticket and taken her yourself.

“I did check with DB. Glad the date works.”

Have you told her you checked with your brother?

Just reply that you checked with your DB and he gave you the go ahead.

It sounds like your db is a poor communicator to me.

I agree you need to let SIL know that you checked with DB before buying the tickets.

I also hope you would never change your plans to fall in with anyone who simply assumed you would be free to babysit without doing you the courtesy of asking first. That includes plans to spend the weekend in bed with plates of pasta and your favourite books, or whatever you might be looking forward to after a long week.

Thanks so much for the reinforcement everyone - I’ve been trying to figure out since Xmas day what I did wrong but have taken solace in what you are all saying. My mum thinks it may be a touch of jealousy as I’m viewed as the ‘fun aunt’ by my niece and nephew, but if anything I just try to keep everyone happy and fly under the radar!

Will summon up the courage to text SIL back tomorrow and point out that it was booked back in March and did mention it to DB first- hopefully she doesn’t then take it out on DB!

You sound like you need to grow a bit of a backbone where your SIL is concerned. All this talk of switching dates is ridiculous, one you may not be able to without a charge and you also may not get similar seats on a different date.

Also your only response to that text as others have said is “I did check with brother, he must have not mentioned it”

Why didn't your brother say it to his wife?
"X has got tickets for stranger things, she booked it for Feb? Is that OK? We can change it? "

I think you're making a meal of it. 'Summon up the courage' is way too dramatic. You should have said at the time that you checked with DB and he agreed it. Job done. No need for all the drama.

Next time you see her/speak to her "btw I did check with DB when I booked"

If she is that controlling I would imagine he would check and she has forgotten

Drop the texting . Typical women arguing. Can imagine the men texting back and forth about this