Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt by SIL’s reaction to Xmas gift to my niece

367 replies

Undecided234 · 28/12/2023 01:06

Hi all,

So my DN (11yo) is a massive Stranger Things fan and for Xmas I decided to get her a couple of tickets to the new Stranger Things show that’s just opened in the West End.

I purchased the tickets back in March via the advance pre sale and prior to buying them spoke with my DB and said since the show didn’t open until the end of this year and it’s asking a lot for any of us to know where we might be that far in advance, I would try to get tickets for a weekend date in early 2024 with a view to then moving the tickets to another date should it end up clashing with anything at their end.

The added advantage of booking 11 months in advance was that I was able to get a couple of tickets at pre sale prices that I could afford but would also give my niece a decent view. Delaying seeing the show until 2024 also allowed time for the reviews to come out on Dec 15th so that I could check the show wouldn’t be too scary for her before gifting her the tickets Xmas day.

Come Xmas day my niece is delighted with the tickets. My SIL who had been watching DN open her gifts, sharply says “well when is it”, to which I reply the tickets are for the middle Sunday in February but if that dates an issue, I’d be more than happy to change them to a different day. SIL nods her head and no more is said, but I sense somehow I’ve done something wrong.

On Boxing Day, since DB and SIL hosted myself, my mum, and my younger brother for Xmas, I sent the following text to SIL
“Hi SIL, just wanted to say thank you so much for hosting us all yesterday, was lovely to see you guys and to hang out, thanks also for the pressies - very kind of you! Xx ps Re DN’s play tickets - just to confirm the date is Sunday 18th Feb, at 3pm - hope that’s ok if not I can change it for another time :) xx”

SIL then replied with “No worries, glad you enjoyed it. 18th should be ok but maybe just check with us before booking”

Thing is I did check with DB before booking (who I can only assume didn’t mention it to SIL way back in March), the show isn’t for another two months so is not as though it’s last minute, and not only that I reiterated verbally Xmas day and via text Boxing Day that I was happy to change the date if it was an issue.

Can’t help but feel offended as I don’t see how much more considerate I could have been. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive but feels as though I’ve been scolded and spoken down to and as a result feel hurt.

Even if I hadn’t checked with DB before booking, surely by saying to SIL more than once that I’d be happy to change the date of the tickets if it’s an issue, it didn’t warrant her chastisement?

By way of context, I see my niece and nephew no more than once a month at best, rarely take them out for the day unless it’s a special occasion - and always check their availability well in advance. In contrast, SIL has previously booked weekends away and just assumed I will be available to babysit without even checking first.

SIL is also known to be a bit of a ‘dragon’ and I hate confrontation so I’ve always tried to stay on her good side but am sorely tempted on this occasion to stand up for myself. Just not sure how best to do so.

OP posts:
Itsmychristmasdress · 28/12/2023 01:44

Drop the texting . Typical women arguing. Can imagine the men texting back and forth about this

This casual misogyny was brought to you by @girlfriend44

girlfriend44 · 28/12/2023 01:51

Itsmychristmasdress · 28/12/2023 01:44

Drop the texting . Typical women arguing. Can imagine the men texting back and forth about this

This casual misogyny was brought to you by @girlfriend44

It's bloody true though always the women that act like this. Have this in my family, the men never get uptight or anything or cause arguments. It's the women falling put or making comments.

NuffSaidSam · 28/12/2023 01:53

I'm not sure I really see the problem. She's said it should be fine, but would prefer you check with her next time. I think that's fair. Your brother clear didn't bother to check with her, so she's asking you to.

I think checking with the parents for something like this is standard tbh. As far as she knows you didn't check so she's asked you to next time. Failing to see why you need to 'stand up for yourself' against this reasonable request. Maybe she was planning to take niece and friends for a birthday treat. Maybe she thinks it's not appropriate for niece. Maybe she thought it would be a nice family activity, but now she needs to buy two more tickets. Maybe she doesn't want to take DN. Maybe she's a bit of a control freak. Who knows?! Could be any number of reasons that it's a problem for her that are not date related.

Goodlard · 28/12/2023 01:58

NuffSaidSam · 28/12/2023 01:53

I'm not sure I really see the problem. She's said it should be fine, but would prefer you check with her next time. I think that's fair. Your brother clear didn't bother to check with her, so she's asking you to.

I think checking with the parents for something like this is standard tbh. As far as she knows you didn't check so she's asked you to next time. Failing to see why you need to 'stand up for yourself' against this reasonable request. Maybe she was planning to take niece and friends for a birthday treat. Maybe she thinks it's not appropriate for niece. Maybe she thought it would be a nice family activity, but now she needs to buy two more tickets. Maybe she doesn't want to take DN. Maybe she's a bit of a control freak. Who knows?! Could be any number of reasons that it's a problem for her that are not date related.

No you've got it wrong, the message said text check with "us", she did!

Unless you assume that checking with us, means checking individually with both of them?

AGoingConcern · 28/12/2023 02:01

One possibility is that your SIL was unsure of the suitability of the show and her not finding out about the gift until your DN had opened it made her feel put on the spot somewhat.

Regardless, this is something for your brother and his wife to sort out at this point because you did all your due diligence and went about this thoughtfully. Text or email them both together and just be matter of fact "Brother and I talked about this all back in February when I bought the tickets and SIL and I have texted since, but here's the info again in one place: DN's tickets to the Stranger Things show are currently for X date. If I need to reschedule I can do so before Y date, and here are the options for dates. Just let me know if I need to make a change. It was wonderful seeing everyone for Christmas, thank you again for hosting. Much love, OP." Then leave them to it, because the communication breakdown happened between the two of them.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 28/12/2023 02:03

'Glad it won't be a problem, DB did say that it would be fine when I spoke to him in March. Thanks again for hosting'. Ball's in her court then - she can either speak to DB about him not checking, or reply to you saying she didn't realise you had checked.

Mothership4two · 28/12/2023 02:07

girlfriend44 · 28/12/2023 01:51

It's bloody true though always the women that act like this. Have this in my family, the men never get uptight or anything or cause arguments. It's the women falling put or making comments.

Show quote history

It's bloody not true in our families. We are all quite nice to each other male or female. I haven't argued with anyone since I was about 18

However two of my uncles have fallen out and aren't speaking so no texting or anything going on between them!

TomeTome · 28/12/2023 02:11

Text back you asked bd back before you booked in March.

MulledWineBeMine · 28/12/2023 02:12

girlfriend44 · 28/12/2023 01:51

It's bloody true though always the women that act like this. Have this in my family, the men never get uptight or anything or cause arguments. It's the women falling put or making comments.

Show quote history

That's because it's invariably 'the women' doing all the buying & organising.

the lot if you being mysogonictic twats can get in the bin

ZekeZeke · 28/12/2023 02:13

Stop with the texting.
No need to text back, she has made her point. Read between the lines. Your DB is a bad communicator.

Stop apologising and suggesting changing dates. Enjoy the show!
Maybe she wanted the ticket? Who knows.

pizzaHeart · 28/12/2023 02:18

CuriousGeorge80 · 28/12/2023 01:27

“I did check with DB. Glad the date works.”

Send her this^

IdaPolly · 28/12/2023 02:22

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 28/12/2023 02:03

'Glad it won't be a problem, DB did say that it would be fine when I spoke to him in March. Thanks again for hosting'. Ball's in her court then - she can either speak to DB about him not checking, or reply to you saying she didn't realise you had checked.

This is a good response. Ignore the sexist idiots who don't seem to realise that men are much more likely to be violent than women, which puts two women resolving an issue politely by text into perspective.

coxesorangepippin · 28/12/2023 02:25

I did check with DB. Glad the date works.”

^

This. Short n sweet

Icouldbehappy · 28/12/2023 02:29

Tell her to fuck off.

NWQM · 28/12/2023 02:33

Yep agree.

I might also be asking my brother though if he did speak to his wife as you were made to feel uncomfortable on Christmas day and now her response. I would ask him what the problem is if she isn't going to spit as he agrees to the present..

miniatureroses · 28/12/2023 02:40

I was going to say that's not the kind of gift you buy without checking first - then saw you had asked the children's father, so it's all okay at your end.

The only reason I can think that SIL could be justifiably annoyed is if taking the kids to these things always falls on her shoulders, and your DB has agreed without expecting to do the work of taking them to the show. I'd be a bit annoyed if someone volunteered my time without checking with me for this kind of thing, so I hope DB agreed with plans to give up his day to take them.

Coyoacan · 28/12/2023 02:49

That was such a kind and generous gift. Whao!

catsoop · 28/12/2023 02:55

You did a lovely thing! So thoughtful, your SiL sounds like a bitter pain in the arse, I would just reiterate that you checked with your brother & leave it at that. You seem really sweet, don't give yourself a hard time over it, x

TinkerTiger · 28/12/2023 02:57

BabyYoshke · 28/12/2023 01:10

‘I checked with DB when I booked it - he must have forgotten to tell you.’

And stop offering to change it!

That's it the end

DoWaDiddyDiddy · 28/12/2023 02:59

Excellent present! Lots of good, succinct message suggestions already posted; less is best, I reckon, in this case 😁

flowerchild2000 · 28/12/2023 03:12

What a cool gift! I'm jealous on behalf of my Stranger Things obsessed DD! I bet in the end you'll end up having a great relationship with your DN, especially as she gets older. With a mother like that she probably needs a kind aunty in her corner. Either way you sound awesome, she's going to have an unforgettable experience, and you acted very thoughtfully.

Latenightreader · 28/12/2023 03:21

My first thought was how easy is it going to be to get to the show, and will it involve staying over/extra expenses? I would be less than happy if I was given a gift which involved a biggish outlay on my part. If it is easy enough to get to the West End, that would be different.

My next thought, is DN and only child or was there a disparity of gifts?

LaurieStrode · 28/12/2023 03:23

Enough with the free impromptu babysitting.

SpringViolet · 28/12/2023 03:53

I can’t abhor people like this who are shitty and rude and bank on not being called out on their behaviour by nice people (which you obviously are OP) so I’d respond with:

‘I did check with (DB) that this was OK when I booked this back in March. I certainly wouldn’t have booked it without checking. I get the impression you’re not happy about this gift which has upset me actually as I would have been delighted for someone to put so much thought into getting my child a gift that they’d enjoy. Hope she does enjoy it anyway.’

As a text rather than face to face where words can get twisted by people like this!

Mariposistaa · 28/12/2023 04:00

Sounds like your mum has her sussed. What a fab thoughtful present! You sound like a great aunty and she sounds like an intolerable little shit. Poor brother has picked a charmer there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread