To feel hurt by SIL’s reaction to Xmas gift to my niece

[Undecided234]

Hi all,

So my DN (11yo) is a massive Stranger Things fan and for Xmas I decided to get her a couple of tickets to the new Stranger Things show that’s just opened in the West End.

I purchased the tickets back in March via the advance pre sale and prior to buying them spoke with my DB and said since the show didn’t open until the end of this year and it’s asking a lot for any of us to know where we might be that far in advance, I would try to get tickets for a weekend date in early 2024 with a view to then moving the tickets to another date should it end up clashing with anything at their end.

The added advantage of booking 11 months in advance was that I was able to get a couple of tickets at pre sale prices that I could afford but would also give my niece a decent view. Delaying seeing the show until 2024 also allowed time for the reviews to come out on Dec 15th so that I could check the show wouldn’t be too scary for her before gifting her the tickets Xmas day.

Come Xmas day my niece is delighted with the tickets. My SIL who had been watching DN open her gifts, sharply says “well when is it”, to which I reply the tickets are for the middle Sunday in February but if that dates an issue, I’d be more than happy to change them to a different day. SIL nods her head and no more is said, but I sense somehow I’ve done something wrong.

On Boxing Day, since DB and SIL hosted myself, my mum, and my younger brother for Xmas, I sent the following text to SIL
“Hi SIL, just wanted to say thank you so much for hosting us all yesterday, was lovely to see you guys and to hang out, thanks also for the pressies - very kind of you! Xx ps Re DN’s play tickets - just to confirm the date is Sunday 18th Feb, at 3pm - hope that’s ok if not I can change it for another time :) xx”

SIL then replied with “No worries, glad you enjoyed it. 18th should be ok but maybe just check with us before booking”

Thing is I did check with DB before booking (who I can only assume didn’t mention it to SIL way back in March), the show isn’t for another two months so is not as though it’s last minute, and not only that I reiterated verbally Xmas day and via text Boxing Day that I was happy to change the date if it was an issue.

Can’t help but feel offended as I don’t see how much more considerate I could have been. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive but feels as though I’ve been scolded and spoken down to and as a result feel hurt.

Even if I hadn’t checked with DB before booking, surely by saying to SIL more than once that I’d be happy to change the date of the tickets if it’s an issue, it didn’t warrant her chastisement?

By way of context, I see my niece and nephew no more than once a month at best, rarely take them out for the day unless it’s a special occasion - and always check their availability well in advance. In contrast, SIL has previously booked weekends away and just assumed I will be available to babysit without even checking first.

SIL is also known to be a bit of a ‘dragon’ and I hate confrontation so I’ve always tried to stay on her good side but am sorely tempted on this occasion to stand up for myself. Just not sure how best to do so.

Who has offended you? You've taken offense too easily.

It depends on the circumstances surrounding the ticket you bought because if you bought my kid tickets for a West end show I wouldn't be happy as its the others idea of the country and I'd have to fork out a lot of money for transport, hotel , food ect if this isn't the case and your taking her or they live in London then yanbu

Yanbu she sounds fucking dreadful, shame people have to endure these arseholes in their family. Ignore her op.

Fgs do you ever let anything go.Before long there will be a blow out, if she takes your suggestion.

The whole presents been ruined now anyway by all the bad feeling.
Does anyone know how to behave with tact and navigate situations?

Is it worth a bust up? if there's a bust up neice won't end going at all?

Another bloody reason why Xmas presents are more hassle than they are worth?

I don’t see the issue with her response you’re being overly sensitive

You cleared it with one of the parents. End of story.

Well, maybe she did. And that's the crux of the matter.

You sound so cool OP, I'd love you as an Aunt to my kids! I'd reply saying "Oh I had checked with DB smiley face"

Did you get two tickets for a family of four?

Just when I thought people can’t get anymore demanding of their child’s aunt, you come along.

Do you think aunts exist to pay for family days out for brother’s family?

Has it for the niece though who it really matters for?

I think OP is being unreasonable for making a simple text with no tone into a big thing. In the time it took for her to write her first post, she could have told her SIL that she had checked with her brother but instead of simply doing that, she came here to moan, invite posters to slag off her SIL who has no idea that OP ran this thing through her brother/SIL’s husband hence SIL texting the message in the first place.

I find it hard to believe that neither one could have brought this up with SIL between March and December. SIL has shown she was unaware of this, and even knowing this OP makes it as if SIL is in the wrong, gone as far to talk to her mum about it knowing her brother had made a mistake and it says something that their mum didn’t point out that her brother was in the wrong if he hadn’t said anything to his wife unless OP left that bit out from her mum.

I wouldn't be offended, I'd just text back and say 'absolutely, I ran it past DB before I bought them x'.

I wouldn’t text back, I’d just leave as is

The answer is simple! Tell her you checked it out with your brother.

Then say "in future I'll come to you first rather than DB as he obviously forgot to say anything. Typical male, haha. "

Personally, I would never check anything like this with my sons. I would always check it out with my DiL.

There is nothing to be offended about. Simply misunderstanding.

She should laugh when you lightheartedly say you told your DB, and now you know better, you will check with her instead in the future

Even if it causes significant inconvenience, stress and financial cost to the mother who was blind sided 🙄

This immediately screamed of jealousy to me

Yes, here I am. I’m wondering if maybe that’s why mom is not enthusiastic. Perhaps she doesn’t want to go to the show. Maybe aunt should volunteer to take the niece. Just wondering.

"SIL then replied with “No worries, glad you enjoyed it. 18th should be ok but maybe just check with us before booking”

Is it not possible that - because you have constantly reiterated that that date isn't set in stone - that she doesn't realise that the date IS not set in stone?

To me she's not telling you off, she's asking you to check with them before CONFIRMING the date.

I think this could well be a comprehension issue on your part, op,- and the part of every other poster on this thread.

This

Sorry, typo in my last post....

Because you keep reiterating it's flexible and now you're saying it's 18th February (likely to be half term, btw so you may well be fucking with pre existing plans) that she's saying 18th is fine but check with us before it's definite?

This 100%. My first thought

Oh yeah. Just re-reading it I think I think you could be right. If she was annoyed in the way most people thought then she probably would have written “just check with before booking this type of thing in future”.

I think it could be just a misunderstanding over text.

I doubt it. I think the wording and use of ‘maybe’ is chastising.

And as I said upthread, maybe for good reasons. Tickets are a terrible present, especially if it’s the mum now who has to get the child to London and pay of all costs associated.

I’d love to know where the family live.

And the poster may have asked her brother, but if it’s not him taking the child and he didn’t mention it to SiL, I can see why that may be a pain in the arse, especially if they don’t already live very close to the West End.

I would never buy someone tickets. It’s a nice idea, but actually an inconvenient present most of the time.

Come on @Undecided234 update us
Your poor SIL is taking an unnecessary bashing on here!

It’s probably just a communication issue (maybe a one off, maybe more) between the couple. My brother and sister in law are like this. Gradually over the last thirty years I’ve learnt that I have to speak to each of them individually to make sure they both get the information.
The main thing is for your niece to enjoy her theatre trip, rather than pick up that it’s causing problems between the adults … best to let it drop.