To feel hurt by SIL’s reaction to Xmas gift to my niece

[Undecided234]

Hi all,

So my DN (11yo) is a massive Stranger Things fan and for Xmas I decided to get her a couple of tickets to the new Stranger Things show that’s just opened in the West End.

I purchased the tickets back in March via the advance pre sale and prior to buying them spoke with my DB and said since the show didn’t open until the end of this year and it’s asking a lot for any of us to know where we might be that far in advance, I would try to get tickets for a weekend date in early 2024 with a view to then moving the tickets to another date should it end up clashing with anything at their end.

The added advantage of booking 11 months in advance was that I was able to get a couple of tickets at pre sale prices that I could afford but would also give my niece a decent view. Delaying seeing the show until 2024 also allowed time for the reviews to come out on Dec 15th so that I could check the show wouldn’t be too scary for her before gifting her the tickets Xmas day.

Come Xmas day my niece is delighted with the tickets. My SIL who had been watching DN open her gifts, sharply says “well when is it”, to which I reply the tickets are for the middle Sunday in February but if that dates an issue, I’d be more than happy to change them to a different day. SIL nods her head and no more is said, but I sense somehow I’ve done something wrong.

On Boxing Day, since DB and SIL hosted myself, my mum, and my younger brother for Xmas, I sent the following text to SIL
“Hi SIL, just wanted to say thank you so much for hosting us all yesterday, was lovely to see you guys and to hang out, thanks also for the pressies - very kind of you! Xx ps Re DN’s play tickets - just to confirm the date is Sunday 18th Feb, at 3pm - hope that’s ok if not I can change it for another time :) xx”

SIL then replied with “No worries, glad you enjoyed it. 18th should be ok but maybe just check with us before booking”

Thing is I did check with DB before booking (who I can only assume didn’t mention it to SIL way back in March), the show isn’t for another two months so is not as though it’s last minute, and not only that I reiterated verbally Xmas day and via text Boxing Day that I was happy to change the date if it was an issue.

Can’t help but feel offended as I don’t see how much more considerate I could have been. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive but feels as though I’ve been scolded and spoken down to and as a result feel hurt.

Even if I hadn’t checked with DB before booking, surely by saying to SIL more than once that I’d be happy to change the date of the tickets if it’s an issue, it didn’t warrant her chastisement?

By way of context, I see my niece and nephew no more than once a month at best, rarely take them out for the day unless it’s a special occasion - and always check their availability well in advance. In contrast, SIL has previously booked weekends away and just assumed I will be available to babysit without even checking first.

SIL is also known to be a bit of a ‘dragon’ and I hate confrontation so I’ve always tried to stay on her good side but am sorely tempted on this occasion to stand up for myself. Just not sure how best to do so.

This made me snort!

Are you okay?

Please do send that text, OP!

And next time SIL books a weekend away and expects you to babysit, text her ‘I have plans that weekend. Maybe just check with me before booking?’

This is a wonderfully thoughtful gift.

I would be over the moon if someone took so much time and thought to book this for my DC. In fact, you'd be my favourite person! Says a lot about you OP.

"Hi - I checked dates with Ross when I booked but it can still be flexible. Thanks again for a wonderful Christmas. xx"

Don't let her snip at you. You did everything right. You DID check.

The sexist stupidity is quite something. I wonder if she would abuse any other group with lazy stereotypes?

Just drop it. Be thrilled your niece is thrilled.

Definitely this.

That week is half term though and to slightly defend SIL, I will admit that I would probably also be pissed off that that date had been chosen when there are plenty of other weekends. But I'd be pissed of with my partner rather than SIL.

You gave her a WONDERFUL gift and agree she sounds jealous AF that she didnt think of it so is lashing out in anger. Definitely text her politely that you did check with your brother. I wouldn't be having her get away with such rudeness. You can out the facts down in a polite way so she can't rationalise getting more angry without looking like a total dick to everyone. You sound like a lovely aunt!

Agree with all this. Can well imagine the brother just being a bit vague and neither mentioning it to SIL or thinking it through-

Op- I’m planning to buy DN two tickets for this show in Place on Date for Christmas. Is that going to work?
DB- [while watching TV and scratching his arse] yeah sounds good

You're giving this far too much head space.

That's a good point. I've never seen two female commutors have a punch up like I have two male commutors on several occasions.

You’ve literally told OP to do what she was planning to do, which is to say she did check with DB. So why are you accusing her of trying to create drama?

And OP said she was hosted by DB and SIL, how sexist that you turned that into SIL hosting alone.

And they may take it in turns to host so no need to act like the DB and SIL did OP a massive favour.

'Oh sorry, I checked with DB when I booked them but maybe he forgot to mention it. Thanks again for a lovely Christmas.'

I wouldn't get snippy with her even if she deserves it. Maybe the baby sitting isn't actually last minute though, maybe your db just doesn't pass on messages to either of you.

I'd be more concerned about the fact that the Stranger Things tv show is rated 15, yet for the niece to be a "massive fan", I guess she's been watching since she was at least 10?

This is perfect. You really don’t have to ‘summon up the courage’ to tell her-just send that text.

Wtf?

She should focus on the fact that you organised a lovely, thoughtful present for her daughter!
Is she a negative, controlling person in general?

Either do all the communicating with DB or do it with SIL. Everythings confused now because SIL is missing the v important info that you did check - though if shes going to be the one keft organising the trip and taking DD to the show I dont know why DB was the one you checked with. If he is taking the child SIL has nothing to worry about

😆

I’d be straight on the phone to my brother asking him to tell SIL exactly what you and he discussed. Why can’t you do that?

And what’s all this “hope she doesn’t take it out on him”? That’s his problem.

I’m surprised that there was no family discussion when the present was opened though, along the lines of you and DB telling niece how you and he had planned it all when the tickets came out on presale, maybe how you’d had to be careful to keep the secret all year etc- in my family the DB would be keen to get some of the credit!

Do you all live in London? I’m presuming the idea is that you take DN to the show yourself?

What a well thought out present OP, you sound like a great aunty, your SIL should be thankful for that, not resentful.

I also wonder if part of it is SIL being annoyed you got DN a present she loves so much!

Isn’t OP taking her?