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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

284 replies

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:38

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend.

I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture.

But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too.

He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

AIBU to object to him stopping me?

OP posts:
PalePurplePumpkin · 28/12/2023 00:41

Honestly OP, what do you think the predominantly female members of Mumsnet are going to say?

Obviously he has no right to stop you from doing anything.

Goldypants · 28/12/2023 00:42

Is he stopping you ?
or asking you to reconsider

SunflowerSeeds123 · 28/12/2023 00:43

Just go. What's he going to do, stop the plane from taking off?

thatwassociopathic · 28/12/2023 00:44

Go and tell him to have his stuff out by the time you get back. Do not have children with this man.

Original poster
LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:44

Well I guess he can't physically stop me from booking it and going. But he said if I do, it 'wouldn't be good for our marriage' and that he'd be very unhappy about it.

OP posts:
thatwassociopathic · 28/12/2023 00:45

That's the man showing you hes a manipulative, controlling twunt. Believe him

ChristmasEvemaddness · 28/12/2023 00:46

However he has been so why does he think it's dangerous.
I've been twice

Original poster
LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 28/12/2023 00:46

thatwassociopathic · 28/12/2023 00:45

That's the man showing you hes a manipulative, controlling twunt. Believe him

This.

FWIW a former colleague of mine went at the beginning of December. Mid fifties…on her own. Was absolutely fine.

SkySecret · 28/12/2023 00:46

It definitely depends on backstory and context. Is he generally controlling? Or is he usually kind but also quite anxious and genuinely worried for your safety?

I’ve been twice to Marrakech, it’s not overly dangerous but you do need to keep your wits about you and don’t go off the beaten track. Don’t allow people to offer “services” to you, especially not allowing them to lead you back to the square from being a bit lost in the souks etc. they don’t always take you back there, they get you more lost and demand money.

Its an interesting place, and worth seeing. Would he go with you instead to satisfy himself of your safety?

Sandia1 · 28/12/2023 00:48

He's not going the right way about it and is acting like your dad. I've been (many years ago) as a 19yo and it did feel quite dangerous, but I was careful. As long as you dress appropriately, stay away from dangerous areas at night, don't go off on your own, don't get caught up with having a guide (unless legitimate), you will be OK. Most cities are dangerous. I used to live in a very dangerous city but I took precautions to make sure I was never vulnerable. If you're in a nice hotel you'll be OK. It's an amazing place.

Popcorn23 · 28/12/2023 00:49

Marrakech is no more dangerous than an European city, and I have travelled a lot! As long as you take normal precautions you should be fine.

Your husband 'stopping' you is more worrying. Is he usually that controlling or just a bit jealous of you having fun without him?

skelter83 · 28/12/2023 00:51

I really did not like Marrakech and felt very unsafe on a couple of occasions there. I was a fairly seasoned, independent, sole traveller when younger. I can see where he’s coming from.

He shouldn’t be saying it like that though. It sounds controlling. Is he perhaps extremely worried about it? Would he be saying the same if you were going to Paris?

LusaBatoosa · 28/12/2023 00:51

It’s not about safety if he’s saying you going ‘wouldn’t be good for your marriage’ is it? It appears to be about obedience/control.

What’s he like with regards to you doing your own thing, usually? Would you describe him as controlling?

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2023 00:54

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

What does he mean by that?

Is he worried about a grisly murder in the style of those poor Scandanvian tourists a few years ago?

Obviously suffering the same fate would NOT be good for your marriage but the vagueness around this statement makes me think this isn’t what he means and rather, he’s probably just another garden-variety controlling husband.

DeeCeeCherry · 28/12/2023 00:55

Well if he reads hysterical press and buys into the fear of difference thats prevalent in UK then of course he thinks its dangerous. So id say its not his fault. I've been to Marrakech twice. My daughters have been, some work colleagues who've been too. We didnt experience any issues. There are dangers in all cities in this world, if you keep your wits about you, dress according to where you are, don't drink too much, don't go off
with strangers, don't flash your cash, then its fine. The usual sensible cautionary behaviours.

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 00:56

Popcorn23 · 28/12/2023 00:49

Marrakech is no more dangerous than an European city, and I have travelled a lot! As long as you take normal precautions you should be fine.

Your husband 'stopping' you is more worrying. Is he usually that controlling or just a bit jealous of you having fun without him?

Well every hotel now advises lone females not to leave the hotel unaccompanied, which is not the advice in any other European City.

DuplicateUserName · 28/12/2023 00:56

thatwassociopathic · 28/12/2023 00:44

Go and tell him to have his stuff out by the time you get back. Do not have children with this man.

Tell him to get his stuff out of his own home where he legally lives?

Okaaaaay.....

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 28/12/2023 00:58

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

You don't know that he actually believes that, he could just be usng it to control you. Even if he believes it's dangerous he's being manipulative and unreasonable in the way he's gone about this. It would be different if he raised concerns and asked to discuss them with you, but instead he's threatened that you going will have consequences for your marriage. That's controlling and manipulative behaviour and has no place in a loving relationship.

Inauthentic · 28/12/2023 00:58

He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage.

He sounds controlling and insecure

Growlybear83 · 28/12/2023 00:58

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

Of course Marrakech isn't dangerous! It's a lovely, safe city, and I feel far safer there than in London. So long as you dress appropriately and can put up with a bit of harassment from some of the locals, you will have a great time.

Peoplemakemedespair · 28/12/2023 00:59

It’s become a lot safer in recent years. The pp saying it’s the same as European cities are talking out of their arse though. The chances of you having an unpleasant experience increases exponentially if you don’t have a male escort. A lot of the touristy areas get targeted by people pick pocketing/stealing etc. The non touristy areas can be even more dangerous. Two women travelling will have to be very aware of everything, the way you dress will make a massive difference in the way you’re treated by locals

Morrisons00 · 28/12/2023 01:01

Marrakech is generally considered safe for tourists:

Tourist-Friendly Atmosphere:

Marrakech is a major tourist destination in Morocco and is well-equipped to cater to the needs of visitors. The city has a vibrant tourism infrastructure with a wide range of accommodations, restaurants, and attractions that cater to international travelers.

Tourist Police Presence:
Marrakech, like many tourist cities, has a visible tourist police presence. These officers are trained to assist and ensure the safety of visitors. Travelers can approach them for guidance or help if needed.

Historical and Cultural Significance:
The city's rich history, cultural heritage, and stunning architecture attract a diverse array of tourists. As a result, there is a collective effort to maintain the safety and security of visitors, contributing to a positive and welcoming atmosphere.

Hospitality and Friendliness:
Moroccan hospitality is renowned, and locals often go out of their way to make visitors feel welcome. Many tourists comment on the friendliness of the people, which can contribute to a sense of security.

Popular Tourist Areas:
Marrakech has well-defined tourist areas, such as the Medina and Jardin Majorelle, where security measures are often heightened. These areas are frequently patrolled, contributing to a safer environment for tourists.

Cultural Diversity:
The city's diversity and cosmopolitan atmosphere attract tourists from around the world. This diversity contributes to an inclusive environment where visitors often feel at ease.

Tourist Services and Information:
Marrakech provides ample tourist services and information centers. These resources can help visitors navigate the city, provide guidance on safe practices, and offer assistance in case of any concerns.

Positive Experiences of Travelers:
Many travelers share positive experiences of their time in Marrakech, highlighting the warmth of the local people, the unique cultural experiences, and the generally safe environment. Reading reviews and testimonials from fellow travelers can provide insights into the city's safety from a visitor's perspective.

Low Incidence of Violent Crime:
Marrakech has a relatively low incidence of violent crime against tourists. While petty crimes like pickpocketing may occur, violent incidents are uncommon.
It's important to note that while Marrakech is generally safe, individual experiences may vary.

Peoplemakemedespair · 28/12/2023 01:03

DeeCeeCherry · 28/12/2023 00:55

Well if he reads hysterical press and buys into the fear of difference thats prevalent in UK then of course he thinks its dangerous. So id say its not his fault. I've been to Marrakech twice. My daughters have been, some work colleagues who've been too. We didnt experience any issues. There are dangers in all cities in this world, if you keep your wits about you, dress according to where you are, don't drink too much, don't go off
with strangers, don't flash your cash, then its fine. The usual sensible cautionary behaviours.

Can you see how contradictory your advise is though? I agree with you btw. If you dress the wrong way or are a bit intoxicated or seem vulnerable in any way then you’re in danger. Yes that’s kind of the same anywhere, but you can have 10 thousand drunk women in mini dresses in London or Paris or New York and they’ll probably make it home just fine. One drunk woman in a belly top/short skirt on her own in Marrakesh is more likely to be in serious danger

stardust40 · 28/12/2023 01:07

If he's not usually like this, I would say he is actually worried and has just gone about saying it in the wrong way. I wouldn't be happy if my dd21 said she was going there with another young female. I know crime happens everywhere but it's the accepted idea that you have to put up with unwanted attention and think carefully about how you dress and who you speak to etc