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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

284 replies

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:38

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend.

I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture.

But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too.

He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

AIBU to object to him stopping me?

OP posts:
ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 01:07

Growlybear83 · 28/12/2023 00:58

Of course Marrakech isn't dangerous! It's a lovely, safe city, and I feel far safer there than in London. So long as you dress appropriately and can put up with a bit of harassment from some of the locals, you will have a great time.

Show quote history

Well the the safety index for female travelers is classified as 'high' for street harassment, which includes unwanted touching, abusive comments and sexual language so you keep saying 'of course it isn't dangerous' and then maybe the actual facts.

StripeyDeckchair · 28/12/2023 01:08

I would suggest that threatening you that your proposed trip "would not be good for your marriage" is controlling and unreasonable and, consequently, "not good for your marriage".

I would go and be very clear that I would be using the time to assess whether I wanted to remain married to a controlling partner.

He is being VVV unreasonable

Popcorn23 · 28/12/2023 01:10

@ClareBlue Taking precautions is sensible and obviously I would expect the OP to follow any travel advice, but the idea that it is particularly dangerous is nonsense.

The OP is going with a friend. The husband just sounds controlling.

Appleblum · 28/12/2023 01:12

Obviously he cannot control what you do, but I'd seriously reconsider going there as a single female traveller/2 females. I travelled there with my DH and it was fine until one day when we had a squabble and decided to split up for the day and do our own thing. The treatment I was subjected to as a single female was entirely different and completely eye opening. Men openly heckled me and there was so much leering. I felt very unsafe and returned to the hotel quickly.

That was some years ago and I hope but doubt much as changed.

Avacardo2023 · 28/12/2023 01:12

I've been twice and you do get hassled all the time when walking around. Constant catcalls and comments and we did get followed around and stared at by a lot of men. We were also warned of the rife pickpocketing in the main souks.

MistletoeRegrets · 28/12/2023 01:14

If he genuinely cared about your safety he’d be sitting down with you and your travelling companion to assess all possible risks and how to circumvent them.

Not threatening to ‘punish’ you with - what, separation / divorce? if you disobey his orders …

DeeCeeCherry · 28/12/2023 01:17

Peoplemakemedespair

I don't see how it's contradictory tbh. We have to expect and understand that all countries are different and also that the Western way is not the only way. This is specifically regarding your comment about mini dresses. I didn't mention mini dresses, my comment was about dressing appropriately, in keeping with cultural norms. I wouldnt think it sensible as a visiting woman for instance to be out there walking around in a mini dress, sticking out like a sore thumb.

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 01:20

OP, you need to get off here and Google experiences from lone female travelers in Marakkeche. Here everyone wants to sanitising it to avoid looking like they are prejudice to non European cities. The fact is there are significant issues for sole female travelers that are not the same in most European cities. To say otherwise is disingenuous. It's fine to say just take the same precautions as when in Rome, but leaving your hotel to go out at night is completely different for females not accompanied by males in Marakkeche than in Rome.
Your husband's comments are a different issue.

Peoplemakemedespair · 28/12/2023 01:29

DeeCeeCherry · 28/12/2023 01:17

Peoplemakemedespair

I don't see how it's contradictory tbh. We have to expect and understand that all countries are different and also that the Western way is not the only way. This is specifically regarding your comment about mini dresses. I didn't mention mini dresses, my comment was about dressing appropriately, in keeping with cultural norms. I wouldnt think it sensible as a visiting woman for instance to be out there walking around in a mini dress, sticking out like a sore thumb.

I used a mini dress as an example to provide some context and comparison to what may potentially attract unwanted attention in European countries for eg. If you’re going to pick on that bit then I could change it to ‘if you’re showing a little bit of leg or cleavage in Marrakesh then you’re going to be commented on at least, if not groped or raped’. Don’t you think that’s kind of worse? I went with my 6yo blonde haired, blue eyed dd. The men were obsessed with her. I had men nudging and eyeing her up by the pool. I had a fight with a waiter after I watched another customer in a restaurant give him money and a camera to take photos of her. He chased her round the restaurant until my dd was crying and I was slapping him. I didn’t leave the hotel again apart from one day when I paid for hotel security to escort us to and from an excursion. When we came out the security had left. My phone didn’t work there so I couldn’t arrange safe transport back, so I went into the shop attached to the place we went to and asked to use the phone for a taxi. He agreed as long as I took a picture of him sat with my dd on his knee. After my experience people can get to fuck saying you’re safe there as a woman.

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 01:34

Exactly. Sanitised by 'every city can be unsafe'. Sorry, Marakkeche is not the same as a European City for female travelers, especially traveling without a male in the group. That is the facts.

Growlybear83 · 28/12/2023 01:47

I think some of the comments on this thread are bonkers. Yes, women will get comments and will be harassed on their own in marrakech, and like any other city, there are pickpockets, but that's all that will happen and doesn't make you more unsafe than at home. The level of harassment is far less than many other cities, such as Luxor, but the incidence of sexual assault or any type of violent crime is very low and much less than cities in the UK. I feel far safer waking round the streets of Marrakech or Luxor, day or night, than I do anywhere in London. My daughter and I have travelled many times around Morocco and Egypt and have never experienced anything more than persistent salesmen and irritating comments.

DramaAlpaca · 28/12/2023 01:47

I was in Marrakesh recently. I felt very safe there, even in the darkest corners of the souks. I've been in much dodgier parts of the world. As long as you're a bit streetwise and keep your wits about you you'll be absolutely fine. Women there wear everything from skimpy clothing (though probably not in the souks, which are much more traditional than the modern parts of the city) to full burkhas without any bother or hassle.

Your DH is concerned about your safety, but from my experience you're in more danger of getting run over by a moped than anything else.

MintJulia · 28/12/2023 01:50

'wouldn't be good for your marriage' sounds like he's threatening you.

Is there some sort of religious aspect here? Does he not like you going away without him? Does he not like your friend?

When I was partnered up, we went on the basis of Foreign Office advice, since they tend to know their stuff. If the FO web site doesn't highlight any issues then we travelled.

HoneyBee1973 · 28/12/2023 01:56

I went twice in 2023;
-Oct with my DH and 11 year old
-Jan with two girlfriends; for context, 3 of us, blonde , mid to late 40s. We had zero hassle.

Both trips were fantastic. We stayed in a souk close to the main square. I found the Moroccan people very warm, kind and decent. Not a hint of anything untoward. They are friendlier than Londoners (I live in london). We went on a day trip to the Atlas Mountains and had lunch in a family home in a Berber village. Everyone was so generous and welcoming. Wonderful people.

Marrakech is an amazing city. You will get approached by people selling their wares . This is a totally normal part of the culture. They are trying to make a living. Are your DHs concerns purely about your safety? Hopefully you can reassure him.

If his concerns are not safety related then he needs to cop on . You should 100% go on this trip. Live your life!

Fivepigeons · 28/12/2023 01:57

'Not good for our marriage' sets off massive controlling alarm bells for me.

Fine to express concern.. but to threaten the marriage is manipulative. I'd be livid honestly.
It's not like you are going to work on an oil rig for 4months. Why does a weekend away with a friend when you don't have kids to consider such a big deal to him?
I have been to Marrakech and it was slightly edgy as a woman yes, i found it a bit stressful.. people do sort of get in your face.. however nothing actually happened to me and I'm glad I went it was beautiful and a real experience
I think you would be absolutely fine as long as you can tolerate being stared at and market people giving it the hard sell. It's quite safe for tourists. You aren't alone you have a friend with you and will be staying in a hotel. Just don't wander off anywhere alone.
I'm more worried about your husbands controlling tendencies tbh.

MeMySonAnd1 · 28/12/2023 02:10

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

Erm… it is, if you don’t know how to spot the dangers or how to avoid being mugged.

I have been there and it was quite an experience, if we can call that being given a cheap rug instead of the very expensive one we paid for, being fondled on the street even next to my husband and while carrying a child in my arms. We also had to run to get into a taxi when the guide we had hired got violent towards someone who tried to take advantage of someone in the group. One of my friends was mugged just outside her hotel at knife point.

But, the best of the trip was ending up in hospital in the non touristic area with some lovely women who didn’t speak English or understood our French but who were remarkably kind.

I’m going back again, I am looking forward to see other less explored areas, not sure I will bother again with Marrakesh city centre unless we are part of a group.

If you decide to go, familiarise yourself with the area online before you hit the street, avoid looking at maps all the time, look always around you and make eye contact, and do not ask people for directions on the street.

MeMySonAnd1 · 28/12/2023 02:16

And yes, dress for the ocassion. You don’t need to wear the same as local women but you may want to avoid tight clothing and cover as much as they do cover. Get a scarf too.

Pupsandturtles · 28/12/2023 02:18

Show him the FCO advice for Morocco. Can guarantee it WONT say ‘avoid all but essential travel’

Marrakesh is awful though (sorry)

SmellyKat10 · 28/12/2023 02:21

Depends.

if you told him you were going to Dublin, Berlin, Lisbon, Barcelona…how do you think he would react?

if he’d be fine with this then I’d probably say his intentions are good, although his execution is…misguided at best.

SmellyKat10 · 28/12/2023 02:26

Peoplemakemedespair · 28/12/2023 01:29

I used a mini dress as an example to provide some context and comparison to what may potentially attract unwanted attention in European countries for eg. If you’re going to pick on that bit then I could change it to ‘if you’re showing a little bit of leg or cleavage in Marrakesh then you’re going to be commented on at least, if not groped or raped’. Don’t you think that’s kind of worse? I went with my 6yo blonde haired, blue eyed dd. The men were obsessed with her. I had men nudging and eyeing her up by the pool. I had a fight with a waiter after I watched another customer in a restaurant give him money and a camera to take photos of her. He chased her round the restaurant until my dd was crying and I was slapping him. I didn’t leave the hotel again apart from one day when I paid for hotel security to escort us to and from an excursion. When we came out the security had left. My phone didn’t work there so I couldn’t arrange safe transport back, so I went into the shop attached to the place we went to and asked to use the phone for a taxi. He agreed as long as I took a picture of him sat with my dd on his knee. After my experience people can get to fuck saying you’re safe there as a woman.

Show quote history

yeah when I was younger we did a family trip to a non-touristy part of Turkey and this was the experience my mum and dad had with my little sister (she was 5 and blonde). My dad was a stressed out ball of rage by the end of the holiday 🤦🏻‍♀️

ChihuahuaMummy · 28/12/2023 02:33

I agree with your DH. It is not somewhere that my DH would be comfortable with me going to alone. I don't think it is controlling to have an opinion and voice feelings, he is entitled to do so as a party to the marriage.

Him saying it would affect the marriage likely means that going would show a complete disregard for his feelings and concerns, like he didn't matter, which will inevitably affect a marriage.

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 02:41

Growlybear83 · 28/12/2023 01:47

I think some of the comments on this thread are bonkers. Yes, women will get comments and will be harassed on their own in marrakech, and like any other city, there are pickpockets, but that's all that will happen and doesn't make you more unsafe than at home. The level of harassment is far less than many other cities, such as Luxor, but the incidence of sexual assault or any type of violent crime is very low and much less than cities in the UK. I feel far safer waking round the streets of Marrakech or Luxor, day or night, than I do anywhere in London. My daughter and I have travelled many times around Morocco and Egypt and have never experienced anything more than persistent salesmen and irritating comments.

But the comments are actual experiences, so they are not bonkers. They are what happened.

miniatureroses · 28/12/2023 02:42

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:44

Well I guess he can't physically stop me from booking it and going. But he said if I do, it 'wouldn't be good for our marriage' and that he'd be very unhappy about it.

In other words, disobedience isn't okay. Are you a child?

mathanxiety · 28/12/2023 02:43

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

It's pretty horrible, to be honest, for women traveling without a man.

miniatureroses · 28/12/2023 02:43

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

What do travel advisories say?