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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

284 replies

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:38

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend.

I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture.

But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too.

He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

AIBU to object to him stopping me?

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 28/12/2023 08:34

’it wouldn’t be good for MY marriage if I didn’t go, so looks like there’s no right solution here. I don’t particularly want to be in a marriage with a man who does that kind of passive aggressive you shouldn’t go for a holiday to a place where he has been and which is not known for being unsafe. I won’t be wandering around on my own and we will be being careful, we are adults you know.’

and book it.

PussInBin20 · 28/12/2023 08:35

Maybe he is just concerned for your safety? 🤔

adorablecat · 28/12/2023 08:35

Tell him that being a controlling arsehole would be even worse for your marriage, so it's best he stops that nonsense right now.

Daveismyhero · 28/12/2023 08:38

I went in the summer of this year and felt safer walking round there than I do walking around some UK cities

Offcom · 28/12/2023 08:38

I instantly thought of that bomb which killed so many tourists, although I see that was back in 2011. But the Foreign Office still has Morocco as a high risk of terror attack, could that be the reason for concern?

SgtJuneAckland · 28/12/2023 08:40

I went with DH and got grabbed/groped several times, that was dressing very modestly covered ankle to shoulders and being there with my husband. It happened 3 times in 4 days and each time I was on my own, once at a cash point, once when he'd gone to the toilet and once in the medina when dh had popped back to our riad to get something I'd left behind. I was 25, not sure if it would be the same as a nearly 40 year old mother.

I also agree it's overrated and think a lot of people stay in big hotels in la Palmeraie which is fine if that's what you want but it's also not really Marrakech. Essaouira on the other hand much more laid back, the argan oil collective was really interesting and the art/culture etc more prominent than in Marrakech. Seafood was delicious too.

Having said all of that he can't tell you where you can go.

Newnamesameoldlurker · 28/12/2023 08:42

LusaBatoosa · 28/12/2023 00:51

It’s not about safety if he’s saying you going ‘wouldn’t be good for your marriage’ is it? It appears to be about obedience/control.

What’s he like with regards to you doing your own thing, usually? Would you describe him as controlling?

This. My dh has anxiety and would worry about this too but he would never say something like it "wouldn't be good for our marriage" if I went against him. Don't let his worry be a red herring here OP- that statement is a real red flag

cristokitty · 28/12/2023 08:42

The fact he's been there makes this strange.

I love Marrakech and have been several times for a long weekend. I always stay in a Riad. Random men have complimented me but nobody has ever followed me, groped me or given me any reason to feel unsafe, even late at night.

BitOutOfPractice · 28/12/2023 08:43

“He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage”

So is that a threat op? That you’ll be punished for defying him.

I think that sounds sinister, controlling and just plain nasty.

Whether you go to Morocco or not is not the problem. Is he controlling in other ways?

CurlewKate · 28/12/2023 08:55

@PussInBin20 "Maybe he is just concerned for your safety? 🤔"

Very possibly. Response should still be "Thank you for your concern. I'm going on X date and I'll be back on Y date."

tiger2691 · 28/12/2023 08:58

Go, perhaps at some point your husband can go somewhere nice, of his own choosing, for the weekend.

MoreHairyThanScary · 28/12/2023 08:59

I think I would say him trying to control my movements and activities is a much greater threat to our marriage!

PurpleWhirple · 28/12/2023 09:01

I went with DH and got grabbed/groped several times, that was dressing very modestly covered ankle to shoulders and being there with my husband. It happened 3 times in 4 days and each time I was on my own

This is my experience of Marrakesh too so I understand his concern. Obviously he can't tell you what to do but I wouldn't go back to Marrakesh because of this. I was groped every single time I went anywhere crowded.

Grimpo · 28/12/2023 09:05

Tell him that trying to stop you isn't good for your marriage.

electriclight · 28/12/2023 09:06

Well does he usually try to control what you do?

If not, he may genuinely be worried and baffled that you wouldn't rather go somewhere safer for female travellers.

If he does, then this trip is the least of your issues.

FWIW I did not have a good experience in Marrakesh and would try to talk dd out of going if she suggested it.

Morewineplease10 · 28/12/2023 09:07

When I went in around 2006 I did feel a little unsafe. I was with a male friend, we got hassled ALL the time.

I'm well travelled and wouldn't go back there. I'd say it is more dangerous than most European cities.

Your H saying it wouldn't be good for your marriage sounds like a veiled threat.

FindingMeno · 28/12/2023 09:07

He's warning you of consequences if you go against his wishes.
Not cool.
Go. It'll be fine, you will have fun, and he can do one.

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 28/12/2023 09:07

CurlewKate · 28/12/2023 08:55

@PussInBin20 "Maybe he is just concerned for your safety? 🤔"

Very possibly. Response should still be "Thank you for your concern. I'm going on X date and I'll be back on Y date."

Sorry but I disagree with your comment.

If he is genuinely concerned and not being controlling then of course the OP should discuss the holiday with him

If roles were reversed and he was going on holiday and wife had concerns, and he basically said....stuff you....I'm off anyway, the responses on MN would be completely different

Guardian800 · 28/12/2023 09:08

he is being very unreasonable and frankly ill informed. Morocco is one of the safest countries to visit principally because it is a long standing autocracy and the authorities are red hot on crime etc. Marrakech is swarming with under cover cops - they are very keen to keep crime and disorder to a minimum.

So go and visit - it is a fabulous place!

Guardian800 · 28/12/2023 09:09

And your husband shouldn't be dictating where you can and can't go - bugger off I think 🤔!!

ClairDeLaLune · 28/12/2023 09:09

I went earlier this month with DH and late teens kids. Felt perfectly safe. Obviously we had males with us though, not sure what it would be like for female travellers, but we didn’t see any groping behaviour towards other women travellers. Yes you get hassled a lot to buy stuff but you just have to ignore them.

I’d recommend staying near the centre, I can recommend a fab riad if you want to PM me.

Landlubber2019 · 28/12/2023 09:18

I went with dh in my 30's, honestly it was stressful in Marrakech. I hated the constant attention from strange men, trying to drag me places and when I didn't co-operate and ignored them, they became rude and insulting. I dressed appropriately and was very grateful for the protection from my dh

CupofTeaNoSugar2 · 28/12/2023 09:20

Trust your instincts. Many years ago before we were married my then BF objected to a girls holiday- different reasons but equally valid 'to him'. It was a red flag I ignored. Some women like being joined at the hip - some women on here like their husbsnds picking them up after a night out - but its not for me and my desire for independence caused a lot of issues in the marr8sge unfortunately. Oh he can express his concern... but he should not control your movements by threats or anything else

Deborah54 · 28/12/2023 09:23

Dangerous? In the wrong place, wrong time so’s Manchester, London, etc.
We spent 2 weeks there. What a fabulous place. Very friendly.
Do what you’d do here. Avoid looking vulnerable, keep your bag close and steer clear of dark, quiet alleys.

Go, it’s wonderful.

Sorethroatandearache · 28/12/2023 09:24

He's no right to stop you doing anything you want to do, especially with "idle threats about it not being good for your marriage".

But he is right that it's a destination easier to manage if you're travelling with a man.