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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

284 replies

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:38

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend.

I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture.

But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too.

He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

AIBU to object to him stopping me?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2023 02:49

He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage.

If I had to choose between DH and travelling because he TOLD me too, I'd be divorced. I just went for an extended trip to a much harder place than Morocco, with a female friend, and he was worried. He looked at advisories, made sure I had good travel insurance, told me to be careful, made sure I'd done my risk assessment and homework, then waved me off.

You ask if Marrakesh is safe. Nowhere is, not 100%. Adult women make their own risk assessment, do their own homework, and make their own decisions. I chose my level of risk. DH doesn't. The only thing he asked me not to do was solo scuba diving when DD was very small. ASKED, didn't tell. And I respected that. If he'd told me, I'd be underwater now.

Goodbye2023 · 28/12/2023 02:55

I wouldn't go near the Medina alone, or you will get harassed, or the streets around the massive market of tat Medina. However, Hivernage, just 1/4 mile from the Medina, is safe and has lovely hotels (try Hotel Jebali) and restaurants, but has little original charm, just a wide boulevard and hotels/restaurants

MCOut · 28/12/2023 02:58

You will be fine OP, just dress appropriately, hire a private guide for when you’re in the souks, know how to say no and be prepared that it’s dissimilar to your average European trip. A good guide is worth their weight in gold, I cannot stress this enough. Be prepared that they might take you to shops that they have relationships with, but you are not under any obligation to buy anything. Usually people with bad experiences didn’t use one and didn’t take the time to learn anything about the place.

The major issue here is that he threatened you which is completely unacceptable. His view of Marrakesh is common, my DP was adamant I not go too. Let’s be honest, it can come from a pretty ignorant place.

Frances0911 · 28/12/2023 02:59

I went on my own in my 30's. I did get followed a lot at night by local men, but they seemed fairly harmless, and they were just curious and wanted to make conversation. I did find it annoying though.

OfficerChurlish · 28/12/2023 03:12

He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage.

Curious what his logic is here. Is it really because you'd have disobeyed a direct order from him? Or because he will assume you don't care about/love him if you do something that will make him (albeit irrationally) worry about your safety? If he's genuinely afraid, it's reasonable for him to ask you to, for example, do extra research in preparation and/or call him when you arrive or check in each night or whatever, but it's hypocritical to demand you don't go somewhere that he has gone himself.

Also Morocco in general is noticeably safer than it was even five to ten years ago, because the Brigades Touristiques (tourist police) have been significantly expanded and improved and the message has been broadcast more effectively that tourism is a national priority and so interfering with tourists will have negative consequences. Has he been there recently?

telestrations · 28/12/2023 03:16

He's being a total dick with "not good for our marriage line" but he right that it's extremely overrated and is also.... Maybe not quite dangerous but certainly unpleasant

The rest of Morocco is beautiful and Fes is a far better choice for architecture and culture that you can actually see. Most of Marrakech is behind gated walls.

mathanxiety · 28/12/2023 03:21

Pupsandturtles · 28/12/2023 02:18

Show him the FCO advice for Morocco. Can guarantee it WONT say ‘avoid all but essential travel’

Marrakesh is awful though (sorry)

Is that advice geared to men or women?

Muddays · 28/12/2023 03:43

Tell him he's right and you've decided Chaghcharan, Afghanistan, makes more sense.

flowerchild2000 · 28/12/2023 03:54

Oh shit, he's threatening your marriage? He's being very controlling. His behavior is threatening the marriage. I would just look to see if there's any travel warnings, and check any recent news headlines. Even those can be over dramatic. I would absolutely never stay with someone who tries to control me though. Been there, never again. A proper response for him would be for him to do as I said, just due diligence checking online for anything crazy, helping you read hotel reviews, doing little protective type gestures, etc. Worrying can be annoying but it's nicer than controlling.

ReindeerShelter · 28/12/2023 03:57

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

He’s right, it is dangerous.

Check the government’s travel advice. Terrorism, kidnap, specific advice for women tourists.

God forbid a husband care about his wife 🤦‍♀️ But sure, listen to a load of random women witter on about how “safe” it is and go with that instead.

montelbano · 28/12/2023 04:18

Marrakech is a fascinating city although I wouldn't roam around late at night even with a girlfriend especially if you are both young. I didn't find it dangerous or threatening but the constant hassle was annoying (I am old but love to travel alone!).
However, on three different occasions I came across men squatting down and crapping in the street! Not even in a hidden corner. One even pulled his trousers down in the middle of a city centre grass roundabout! It really did put me off the city.
Have spent many years on archaeological sites so am well aware of the need to have to find a wall , a clump of bushes, etc, but the sight of these men was just appalling

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2023 04:21

But sure, listen to a load of random women witter on about how “safe” it is and go with that instead.

Well the FCO cites a risk of kidnapping and says that there have been no recent kidnappings. I've gone to so many places with warnings. Unless you only go to like Iceland, Sweden maybe, there will be warnings. You know many governments say to exercise a high level of caution visiting the UK, right?

The issue isn't about whether it's safe, the issue is whether a man is entitled to threaten his marriage over HIS assessment that somewhere is dangerous over his wife's assessment. She doesn't have to take anyone's advice from MN, but she should decide herself.

I just checked, there are alerts for Iceland as well. VOLCANOES. Maybe just Sweden then. <yawn>

junebirthdaygirl · 28/12/2023 04:32

My friend and her adult dd wanted to go. She was booking with a local travel agency. He said..sorry l am not happy booking two women on their own travelling to Marrakech. He advised they go with a tour company where they were with experienced guides. They did and it was brilliant and she was glad they weren't alone. She is a very seasoned traveller.

Your dh may be over expressing his concern by going on about your marriage but l would investigate further before taking it on.

Humbugg · 28/12/2023 05:08

Tbh OP I felt really unsafe in Morocco in general. I went back in my 20s with a friend (male). My hair was blonde at the time and we did some travelling to other cities. I got harassed lots and also touched inappropriately by men on the train. I don’t have pleasant memories of it as a country

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2023 05:33

I haven’t been to Morocco. I went to Tunisia in my 30s and the cash machine at my hotel wasn’t working so I decided to walk to a local one. I was so intimidated by the behaviour of the taxi drivers stood outside the grounds of the hotel that I turned around and headed back to the room.

Desecratedcoconut · 28/12/2023 05:53

Yeah, it's just like everywhere else, except you can't go out late at night, men will follow you around, cat call you and low level harass you but that's okay because you won't get kidnapped. If you feel like this is a misogynistic place and intimidating for women just remember to bury that feeling low, low down so people don't think you are being racist. You'll be fine.

Meanwhile, there's nothing more dangerous to women than a controlling partner. So I'd think on that too - but on the upside - you don't have to pretend that isn't worrying.

Goldypants · 28/12/2023 06:47

I find this incomprehensible.

🤔

RowanMayfair · 28/12/2023 06:54

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

No it's not. I've been several times.

GenXisthebest · 28/12/2023 06:56

I've been to Marrakech a few months ago. I went with DH, but we weren't always together while there. I felt safe and wasn't hassled. (I do agree with him that it's slightly overrated but I guess that isn't his main point.) I would understand his concerns, but I'd be irritated with the language he's used to express it ("not good for the marriage" seems very passive aggressive).

yesyouareyouare · 28/12/2023 07:02

Your DH is right. I went with my DH and we were harassed by beggars non stop. God knows what would have happened if I was on my own. It's not safe for women.

Deargodletitgo · 28/12/2023 07:07

It's not dangerous, travelled there as a solo woman and stayed in the old city. Tell him to do one and enjoy your holiday.

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 28/12/2023 07:08

Sorry OP I think it's impossible for US to know

It could be genuine concern fir your welfare....in which case you should be taking his concerns into consideration. Only you know if he's being genuine or not

My mum went on holiday there and said she would never go back as she found it genuinely frightening. She has travelled a lot and has never said this about another country.

if my husband was not usually controlling I'd listen to him personally. But my husband not controlling in slightest

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/12/2023 07:26

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:46

He genuinely thinks it's dangerous. It's not, is it?

I've been twice and survived. It didn't feel dangerous.

Blueeyedmale · 28/12/2023 07:32

When I went it didn't feel particularly dangerous,it was a good few years ago now but I came across many solo female travellers who spoke of an amazing experience,a few of the men can be a bit full on but I don't think it's no worse than the street harassment sadly women and girls have to put up with in this country.

Brandyginger · 28/12/2023 07:35

I felt very unsafe in Marrakesh and I wouldn’t go back there. If two female friends were considering a trip and asked my opinion I would say pick somewhere else. So your husband has a point BUT his reaction and response do seem very controlling.

In response to a previous poster, in my opinion Marrakesh is unequivocally, absolutely, not like travelling to any other European city. I have never been cat called, followed or hassled like I have in Morroco, nor in, say, Madrid, do I need to carefully cover my body and tie back my blond hair so it doesn’t get attention. If something went wrong I would much rather interact with the police force of any other European city than the Moroccan police. And so on.