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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to my husband stopping me from going to Marrakech because it's 'dangerous'

284 replies

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:38

I was hoping to go to Marrakech city centre for a long weekend with a female friend.

I've wanted to go there for ages - I love the idea of the architecture and culture.

But my husband isn't keen on it as a city. He thinks it's dangerous. He's been before and thinks it's overrated too.

He doesn't want me to go because he thinks it's dangerous. I said lots of people go there and I would stay in a decent hotel near the centre. He said that if I go anyway, it wouldn't be good for our marriage. We don't have kids yet.

AIBU to object to him stopping me?

OP posts:
Ifancythegrinch · 28/12/2023 07:35

He does have a point.

I’ve travelled the world, mainly alone with my child when we was young, sometimes my ex h would be with us.

Of all the places I went, including travelling across China and Russia with a 6 year old, the only place I was very glad ex h was with me was Morocco. And even then I had my arse groped in medinas in Marrakesh and other towns/cites. It felt very unsafe, I couldn’t relax and I never set foot anywhere alone. Men cat call and make rude gestures.

People don’t like to hear it but I would warn my daughter off about going there alone with a friend due to personal experience.

crumpet · 28/12/2023 07:39

I would be focusing on what he means by it not being good for your marriage.

is it that you are daring to go away with a friend without him?

is it that you are not following his advice/ orders?

In your shoes I would be wanting to know is EXACTLY which bit of this proposed is not going to be good for your marriage and importantly why.

Octavia64 · 28/12/2023 07:41

I have travelled to Marrakech as a single disabled female using a wheelchair.

Behaviour in the markets etc is different from Europe - the stall holders will come and talk to you and try to sell you things. It does take a bit of getting used to if you are used to European conventions (don't talk to people on the street).

I found people very helpful especially with my wheelchair.

There are areas I wouldn't go at night but frankly the same is true of London.

The first time my teenagers encountered an Arab market they were quite overwhelmed and uncomfortable because they are not used to the hard sell. However, you learn the culture and appropriate ways to respond (ignore, short conversation, etc)

Personally I would say it is not more dangerous than Europe but the street culture is very different and that can take a bit of getting used to.

Babyblackbear78 · 28/12/2023 07:42

I went with dp last year and was harassed a lot in the medina. We travel frequently and this was by far the worst holiday we’ve ever been on. And don’t get me started on the driving- it was terrifying and that’s an under statement!

readymealeater · 28/12/2023 07:44

It all depends on whether he is controlling or just genuinely worried about this trip. You will know if he is controlling in other ways or not.

As for the trip itself, I haven't been to Marrakech, but I was in Tunisia years ago and I do believe that trips to certain parts of the world are more dangerous for women than for men, because of cultural differences.

On my trip to Tunisia, I was with my ex-husband and when he was about everyone ignored me and didn't look in my eyes and addressed my husband only.

When I went down to the hotel foyer alone one morning to buy something, the atmosphere was completely different. Local men seemed to appear from nowhere and press themselves against me and giving me creepy smiles. Some of them the same ones who wouldn't have looked at me when I was with my husband.

I was 21 at the time and a small town country girl on her first holiday, who was very ignorant about other cultures and I was just blown away.

The tour guides also said to stay in our hotel compounds at night and not walk around the local town - they even mentioned a white slave trade!

Back in those days, there was no internet or mobile phones so harder to make contact with anyone.

Branleuse · 28/12/2023 07:50

I found Marrakech extremely overwhelming and often unpleasant. However I am glad I went, and although I felt harrassed, it wasn't sexual.
There are other places in Morocco which are much less intense. Fez. Essaouira

1984Winston · 28/12/2023 07:54

I went to Marrakech ten years ago (with my DH though) but felt completely safe tbh and I'm a very anxious person! I went to Jamaica and felt very unsafe though

CurlewKate · 28/12/2023 07:54

@LaviniaLee
It doesn't matter why he is objecting. He has no right to say where you can go.

"Thank you for your concern. I am going on X date and will be back on Y date. I really don't want to talk about it any more"

GrammarTeacher · 28/12/2023 07:56

He can't stop you going but I wouldn't bother. Didn't really like Marrakesh at all. Didn't help being stared at the whole time (as if they hadn't seen someone with ginger hair before).
If you do go, take a trip out to the mountains. They're beautiful.

EmotionSickness · 28/12/2023 08:00

If I’m honest I felt very unsafe in Marrakech - I was with my husband and we were repeatedly shouted at (both have quite a lot of tattoos so although we were modestly covered, you could still see them). Also had a lot of people trying to scam us into various things. Having said this, if you have a guide you’d be absolutely fine! And it’s a beautiful city.

The main issue is your partner being a dick. It’s up to you what you do with your time and money and he can fuck off!

NalafromtheLionKing · 28/12/2023 08:03

I went years ago and found it both dangerous and a dive. I got nasty food poisoning too. HTH

Alohapotato · 28/12/2023 08:03

He is very controlling, separate before you have kids.

ohdamnitjanet · 28/12/2023 08:03

LaviniaLee · 28/12/2023 00:44

Well I guess he can't physically stop me from booking it and going. But he said if I do, it 'wouldn't be good for our marriage' and that he'd be very unhappy about it.

He probably wouldn’t want you to go to Eastbourne either.
Have you not told him it will very very bad for your marriage if you don’t go?

QueSyrahSyrah · 28/12/2023 08:07

Your Husband's comments aside, I'm fairly well travelled as a solo female (have been to Paris, New York, Barcelona, London, Cape Town and spent time in Central America on my own) but I would not go to Morocco / Marrakech on my own or in a female only group, based on the lived experiences of female friends who have been there.

I don't think his comments are particularly helpful and he shows more control than concern, but I also don't think the comments on this thread stating how absolutely fine and equivalent to Europe the place is are helpful either.

I suppose the way to test your Husband's real intention is to say you've changed your minds and are going to Brussels instead...

GingerScallop · 28/12/2023 08:10

This op.
A supportive partner would outline his concerns. You would discuss it and if you proceeded with the trip, perhaps discuss ways of dealing with "the dangers". Once you are there a quick call to ask about your day. Its just a weekend break anyway!
Now in the event that something unpleasant happened, he should be supporting you through it. You should go anywhere you want knowing that you are supported not fearing consequences to your marriage (which he threatens regardless of what will happen or not). I think this is more about his desire for control than travel dangers.
Would he "allow " you to go on a similar trip to Austria? Spain?

quisensoucie · 28/12/2023 08:14

Anyone order a Victorian?

Blahblahblah2 · 28/12/2023 08:18

Fascinating, beautiful, busy city. Yes there are some dodgy elements but nothing that two grown women can't handle. I'd be more worried about your husband telling you that you can't go. Now that sounds dangerous.

saraclara · 28/12/2023 08:18

ClareBlue · 28/12/2023 00:56

Well every hotel now advises lone females not to leave the hotel unaccompanied, which is not the advice in any other European City.

Show quote history

No they don't

I travelled to Marrakech as a single female independent traveller just a few weeks ago. I stayed in two differently raids and neither gave that ridiculous advice.

What on earth are you on about, and why would you think that the case?

Nicole1111 · 28/12/2023 08:20

Tell him it won’t be good for your marriage is he displays controlling or coercive behaviours.

Nowstrong · 28/12/2023 08:22

Over rated : yes. But you can enjoy a perfectly pleasant weekend there.
Dangerous : no.

SoundTheSirens · 28/12/2023 08:22

I suppose the way to test your Husband's real intention is to say you've changed your minds and are going to Brussels instead...

This. If his reaction is along the lines of “oh thank goodness, I was really worried about you going to Marrakech, this sounds a much better idea” then he’s just clumsily expressing his concern.

If he starts coming up with reasons why Brussels is the 2nd worst city to visit ever and why bother, you know you’re married to a controlling arse who just doesn’t like you doing your own thing without him…

izzy2076 · 28/12/2023 08:23

I found it dodgy. I'm of North African origins and I went alone in my late 20s and did go out alone after dark and got groped several times. I also had to sleep with the chest of drawers barricading me into my room as I'd rejected the advances of the concierge and he got angry. At the time it was water off a ducks back and I was happy to travel round morroco alone telling various men to go f.... themselves when they called me a whore. It was actually a much more interesting experience going by myself than going with my white husband later on and getting ignored. The women were great. I had so many lovely interactions.

I would never take my daughters there in a million years.

saraclara · 28/12/2023 08:28

Also Morocco in general is noticeably safer than it was even five to ten years ago, because the Brigades Touristiques (tourist police) have been significantly expanded and improved and the message has been broadcast more effectively that tourism is a national priority and so interfering with tourists will have negative consequences. Has he been there recently?

That. It's interesting that a lot of posts here reference issues from trips a fair way in the past. I was also told that there is far less hassle there than there used to be as that kind of behaviour had been clamped down on, particularly post-covid, as the country is desperate to get tourists back.

My hotel was near jmaa el fna so I spent a lot of time there, a single woman alone, often until midnight. I had no problem at all.
.
The only problems I had were in trying to buy (or even show interest in anything) in the souks. The sales pitch and bargaining is very aggressive compared to most bargaining cultures, so I ended up buying very little.

fromhellsheartistabatthee · 28/12/2023 08:31

Marrakech is only dangerous for visitors if you don't do basic research before you go or neglect simple safety precautions. Letting someone else dictate where you can go, on the other hand, is very dangerous for your quality of life and your self esteem.

Lesina · 28/12/2023 08:32

Tell him to do one. Enjoy Marrakech

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