Page 4 | Mother priorities her dogs over everything.

Angrymum198 · 2023-12-27T20:34:32+00:00

I feel really upset tonight and I don’t know if I am exaggerating. My mum has two rescue dogs that she absolutely dotes on. They rule her life. She can’t be out the house more than a couple of hours, she has to be at home at 3pm as that when they eat. she doesn’t welcome anyone into her house as it upsets the dogs. Tonight I went round her house with my three young children and husband and her dog was barking and growling at my one year old. I tried to calmly remove him from the living room and my mum went mad. I then stormed out and left. I feel that she puts their welfare before any of her grandchildren. She has 6 other grandchildren that don’t feel welcome at her house because of these dogs.

Hoglet70 · 27/12/2023 22:32

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 22:30

@Hoglet70 I can clearly see by your posts that you dislike children. Weird that your on a mumsnet forum 🤣
I love dogs, I am a massive animal lover I have two cats, two horses and a 13 year old beagle who I love very much. I have also had a Romanian rescue prior to having children who had to sadly be put to sleep due to ill health.
NOT THAT I SHOULD HAVE TO AGAIN JUSTIFY MYSELF AGAIN!

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I don't like kids but I love Mumsnet drama lol.

StrictlyComeSnoozing · 27/12/2023 22:35

A dog growling isn't the same as a dog attacking, its telling you that they don't like something.

The rational thing to do would have been to pick the child up and remove them from the situation, and prevent them running around near the dog.

Ultimately its your mother's home, and entirely her prerogative whether to prioritise her dogs. Meet her elsewhere.

Caravaggiouch · 27/12/2023 22:36

Yes she’s made her choice. An idiotic one, in my view, but I’m not a dog obsessive. Dogs are pets, they are not children or “like her children”. Don’t take your DC there again, she can’t be trusted to have trained those dogs properly. I would feel very sad about the choices she is making, but they are hers, and she should bear the downsides of them in the form of not getting to see her grandchildren.

Canisaysomething · 27/12/2023 22:37

I’ve worked with rescue dogs with complex issues and triggers. They don’t mix with house guests. They stay in a separate area of the house designated for them to feel safe and secure, far away from guests. To reach this point there needs to be proper training. It sounds like your mum is clueless but sadly, it also sounds like she doesn’t really care.

bozzabollix · 27/12/2023 22:38

I’m sorry but being someone who has had dogs for all of my forty eight years, when did it become a thing that you cannot leave your dog at all? Contented dogs sleep a huge amount and I know mine curl up and snooze when I’m out. Never leaving a dog is somewhat extreme behaviour, how does anyone do anything?

So you aren’t being unreasonable in my mind but she’s very different to me. Shame for your children they can’t have longer with her.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 22:39

StrictlyComeSnoozing · 27/12/2023 22:35

A dog growling isn't the same as a dog attacking, its telling you that they don't like something.

The rational thing to do would have been to pick the child up and remove them from the situation, and prevent them running around near the dog.

Ultimately its your mother's home, and entirely her prerogative whether to prioritise her dogs. Meet her elsewhere.

100%.

So many people seem to see a dog growling/barking/being vocal as extremely aggressive, when actually this is the kind of behaviour you want to see really. This is a dog saying “I don’t like this, stop”. They can’t communicate in the same way humans can so they have to do it their own way, and as humans so often these growls are misread as horrific when it’s a completely healthy behaviour and no different to me saying to you “you are coming in to my personal space and I don’t like it, back off”.

Original poster

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:01

@Mrsttcno1 I understand a dog growling is a warning sign. But would you risk a dog growling near a one year old? who was for context only running around laughing and no where near his personal space.
Also I have to mention again we did not just show up! We gave them four days notice.
And again the dog would have happily gone outside or into another room
without showing HUGE distress 🙄

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Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 23:07

No I wouldn’t risk a rescue dog growling next to my one year old, but I wouldn’t be going over to somebody else’s dog in somebody else’s home and trying to remove THEM from the situation. I’d pick my one year old up and remove myself & them. That’s the obvious and sensible option. You’re in someone else’s home with someone else’s animals, it is not your place to try and control their pets or their environment, all you can do is control yourself and your children in a situation. You weren’t happy with it, so the obvious thing to do within your control is to remove the one year old from the perceived risk.

Also, again, if the one year old was in the house, when your mum has repeatedly said that her dogs struggle with guests, then yes they were in the dogs space.

Starblind19 · 27/12/2023 23:12

This post is a massive reflection on why every other day some poor person is mauled by a dog. Dogs are not babies dogs have to understand they are last in the pecking order as far as humans are concerned. Removing a dog who is in a situation who is resource guarding is absolutely the right thing to do. Otherwise you are reinforcing that behaviour by allowing it to continue.
Cannot believe on a mumsnet forum people are actually agreeing with the mum. Who would quite happily risk her one year old grandchild face so her dog could have a reset and change focus from the thing it was clearly resource guarding. You absolutely did the right thing and what's more I would tell your mum how disappointed you are in her behaviour and recommend a dog behaviourist. She might be lonely because her kids have flown the nest but she's going to be so much lonelier when her dog bites some poor kid and is then PTS. We have normalised this babying of dogs and sadly this does them no favours. What other animal puts another species before it's young?

Merrymouse · 27/12/2023 23:16

Purplewarrior · 27/12/2023 21:17

You say your mother doesn’t welcome anyone into the house, so why did you turn up with toddler/DC/DH? Had she actually invited you? In which case she does have people round.

It sounds like you just can’t accept that your mother is an independent adult with her own priorities and decisions.

Can you really not compromise and see her outside her home, at a time that suits her?

Or are you used to bullying her?

If the dogs can only be left for a short time, it sounds as though they would be difficult.

Wooloohooloo · 27/12/2023 23:16

I can't believe that people don't understand how it is hurtful that your mum prefers her dogs to her own children and grandkids. I think you should go low contact and I certainly wouldn't have your DH doing her any jobs/favours.

Original poster

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:23

@Mrsttcno1 yes I did remove my child as I have previously posted 🙄
i had to leave the house. I could not lock
my child in another room to satisfy the dog🤔.
if my mum refused to act on this situation then I’m not sure why asking the dog to get out the room in a calm voice is such an issue. ITS MY PLACE TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE!!! Your really missing the point! I know you are going to reply saying it is not my place to remove dog as you keep doing that 🫠
Iwill say this again to help you understand I was keeping my child safe as my mother refused to.

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Original poster

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:24

Wooloohooloo · 27/12/2023 23:16

I can't believe that people don't understand how it is hurtful that your mum prefers her dogs to her own children and grandkids. I think you should go low contact and I certainly wouldn't have your DH doing her any jobs/favours.

Oh my god thank you 🙌🏻 somebody that understands.

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Achoo2 · 27/12/2023 23:26

Starblind19 · 27/12/2023 23:12

This post is a massive reflection on why every other day some poor person is mauled by a dog. Dogs are not babies dogs have to understand they are last in the pecking order as far as humans are concerned. Removing a dog who is in a situation who is resource guarding is absolutely the right thing to do. Otherwise you are reinforcing that behaviour by allowing it to continue.
Cannot believe on a mumsnet forum people are actually agreeing with the mum. Who would quite happily risk her one year old grandchild face so her dog could have a reset and change focus from the thing it was clearly resource guarding. You absolutely did the right thing and what's more I would tell your mum how disappointed you are in her behaviour and recommend a dog behaviourist. She might be lonely because her kids have flown the nest but she's going to be so much lonelier when her dog bites some poor kid and is then PTS. We have normalised this babying of dogs and sadly this does them no favours. What other animal puts another species before it's young?

I 100% agree with you. The 'babying' of dogs is so damaging. I blame social media a for a lot of it. You don't see a farmer babying his sheepdog, or a police dog handler, dressing up a GSD. They exercise them. give them boundaries, lead them, drain their energy by working them, and get them to use their brains. That's what all dogs need. Just 'loving' it is not enough, dogs need much more than just 'love' and if you can't be bothered to do that, you shouldn't own one.

Bloom15 · 27/12/2023 23:29

Riverlee · 27/12/2023 20:54

If you have dogs, you can’t leave them for any length of time. That’s fairly standard for dog ownership.

Regarding feeding them at 3pm, she’s made a rod for her back there. We’re more flexible with feeding times for our dog.

If the dogs are reactive towards people in the house, then she may be embarrassed by visitors coming around. They may need training to combat this.

Storming out is a bit of an over reaction.

maybe you need to sit and have a conversation about his the dogs need to be trained better regarding visitors to the house. In your post, this is the only thing I can see which needs resolving. The rest is normal- ish dog ownership.

Any length of time?! They aren't children!

MigGirl · 27/12/2023 23:32

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 22:00

That’s your opinion ☺️

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I think it's very irresponsible of any dog own to treat their dogs like babies. It is not in there nature and can lead to issues around people.

Yes as a pet lover you can love them lots but they need to be trained and treated as dogs.

Bloom15 · 27/12/2023 23:32

RachelGreep87 · 27/12/2023 21:16

These dogs are her babies

They aren't though aren't they?!

Some dog people are so weird

Daisybuttercup12345 · 27/12/2023 23:33

flowerchild2000 · 27/12/2023 21:30

Dogs are like children though. So she's prioritizing her children over yours, as any good mother would do. I would hate this too, but clearly that's where it stands, so don't take your DC there, it's not safe and it's upsetting for everyone. You can't change her, so just compromise.

This.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 23:44

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 23:23

@Mrsttcno1 yes I did remove my child as I have previously posted 🙄
i had to leave the house. I could not lock
my child in another room to satisfy the dog🤔.
if my mum refused to act on this situation then I’m not sure why asking the dog to get out the room in a calm voice is such an issue. ITS MY PLACE TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE!!! Your really missing the point! I know you are going to reply saying it is not my place to remove dog as you keep doing that 🫠
Iwill say this again to help you understand I was keeping my child safe as my mother refused to.

You’re absolutely right that it’s your place to keep your child safe. When in somebody else’s home, that means removing yourself and your child/children from a situation which you deem to be unsafe. As you’ve said, it’s not your place to remove dog. That’s why it’s such an issue for your mum, it’s her house, her pets, not your space to control. ☺️

Whether you agree with her decisions or not, they are still her decisions, her pets, in her house. If you don’t like that then that is your right, but you remove yourself and your child from that. All you can ever do in any situation is control your own part in it and your reactions. It’s her space and her decisions, if you don’t like them then you simply remove yourself from them.

Dog issue aside, I wouldn’t be happy if someone came into my home and then tried to control the environment to suit them. There could be any number of hazards not just dogs, if you aren’t comfortable or happy in someone else’s space then you simply leave that space, you don’t try to change their space or alter it to suit you. You make a decision on whether you deem it a safe environment for your child and if not then you leave that environment.

MigGirl · 27/12/2023 23:44

@Angrymum198, I totally feel your pain on this one. Unfortunately my in-laws have for years put their dogs ahead off everything else.

They can't leave them and now due to behaviour issues they cant even leave them with SIL who lives with them and owns one of the dogs, but they have had fights between the two older males so she is to scared to be left on her own with them now. SIL is over 40 and has always lived with in-laws, so the dogs are totally used to her.

We had issues with one of the males barking in DS face and SIL refused to remove the dog. DH agreed we could never safely leave the kids with the in-laws as it wasn't safe to do so. And as they won't leave them we have very little contact with them and they have no relationship with their grandchildren at all. It's been really difficult for DH as he has so little contact with his family.

Bloom15 · 27/12/2023 23:48

Cheesestring67 · 27/12/2023 22:12

They are just dogs. Not babies. Grandchildren should come 1st 100%

Agreed.

This place should be changed to 'dogmumnet' based on the things some posters say.

Dogs are dogs - they are not people and certainly not children. You don't HAVE to take them everywhere or treat them children.
People who prefer dogs (who don't answer back) to other people have issues

Deathbyfluffy · 27/12/2023 23:49

Mrsttcno1 · 27/12/2023 21:48

To some people though yes they are. Especially people who may be quite lonely, and who like to feel needed. My grandparents got a dog 5/6 years ago now and he is treated like their baby, they absolutely see him that way and he fulfils that need of theirs. Just because you don’t personally feel that way doesn’t mean nobody else does☺️

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To some people their cars are like their children - but it doesn’t make them any less crazy.
Pets are not children, they’re animals.

bloatedbobby · 27/12/2023 23:53

Omg some of these threads are mental.

It's fucking batshit

I mean "These dogs are her babies" & "Or are you used to bullying her?"

carerneedshelp · 27/12/2023 23:54

Angrymum198 · 27/12/2023 22:03

@Mrsttcno1 these dogs are Romanian rescues, they were rescued from a puppy they don’t have separation anxiety. It wouldn’t have caused distress to them.

It's not a minor inconvenience to the dogs though! You are intruding on their safe space. They are not comfortable with you or your children. They are scared of you! Dogs are sentient beings and should be able to feel safe at home. It's not minor it's a huge deal. It takes days for my rescue dog to come back down after having visitors. She is on edge for days. Right now she is growling and barking in her sleep as she processes having people in the house for half an hour earlier. It does cause huge distress

bloatedbobby · 27/12/2023 23:54

Dogs are like children though. So she's prioritizing her children over yours, as any good mother would do.

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