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Original poster

Does anybody’s husband do any of the work re Christmas and if so what?

199 replies

T1cTacT03 · 27/12/2023 18:30

My dh doesn’t like Christmas and says he’d happily not celebrate it. Ok except our kids( late teens)and family like it so we can’t bail out completely as a family. So I do everything.Buy all the presents, wrap everything, write all the cards( he does the post office drop off because he wfh and I don’t). I do all the food planning, shopping and cooking etc. He completely loses it if I get the slightest bit stressed and says he would happily not celebrate and it’s my choice.

So do other husbands do any of it or is it the norm for husbands to do nothing? Wondering if I would get less stressed or does it not make any difference? I have seriously reduced as much as I can. Very frugal with presents and we don’t do a load of social stuff.

OP posts:
Brandyginger · 27/12/2023 21:02

Dh bought all food and cooked for 14. Bought and wrapped all presents for his side of the family. Chose and ordered all the wine. Bought about half the presents for our DC. Put up all big Xmas decs and tree and outdoor lights.

I was pretty busy too, in case anyone is wondering!

Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2023 21:02

Oh yes and the food shopping

Torchdino · 27/12/2023 21:04

DH isn't a huge fan of Christmas, but as he's a father of young children he makes an effort for their sakes- as he should. We dont go overboard though. We do the food shop together online, book a day off in Dec to go shopping together (and have a nice lunch), he tends to put the decorations up with DC as I dislike doing it, I do the cooking itself but he does the tidying and builds any toys etc they get as presents. We tend to buy for our own side of the family, when I've been poorly or overwhelmed he's done mine though. We have an evening we get a takeaway and do all of the wrapping together and watch Christmas films when DC are in bed in Dec. He always comes to the nativities etc and one santa experience or something Christmassy but I tend to go to some alone with DC as I love them!

LunaLovegoodsLeftEyebrow · 27/12/2023 21:04

He does the food. Plans it, buys it, cooks it.
He un decorates the house when he gets round to it. Last year it was mid February.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 27/12/2023 21:04
  • I buy all the presents for my family (x 12) - I enjoy it and DH buys for his mum
  • We wrap presents together
  • The various supermarket shops are done between us depending on who's at work on what days
  • I put up all the decorations as DH was away (I prefer to do it on my own)
  • And I do all the cleaning as I'm anal about it!
Torchdino · 27/12/2023 21:05

Torchdino · 27/12/2023 21:04

DH isn't a huge fan of Christmas, but as he's a father of young children he makes an effort for their sakes- as he should. We dont go overboard though. We do the food shop together online, book a day off in Dec to go shopping together (and have a nice lunch), he tends to put the decorations up with DC as I dislike doing it, I do the cooking itself but he does the tidying and builds any toys etc they get as presents. We tend to buy for our own side of the family, when I've been poorly or overwhelmed he's done mine though. We have an evening we get a takeaway and do all of the wrapping together and watch Christmas films when DC are in bed in Dec. He always comes to the nativities etc and one santa experience or something Christmassy but I tend to go to some alone with DC as I love them!

As in love Christmas crafts/events etc!

Tandora · 27/12/2023 21:06

Mine did all the food shopping and cooking. And contributed to decorating, buying and wrapping presents.

your DH sounds like an a* OP,

bakewellbride · 27/12/2023 21:13

Mine buys all the food and drink and cooks an amazing Christmas dinner for us all on the day and Boxing Day.

He chooses some gifts for the kids and gets them to get me a little card and pressie.

He gets the tree and decorations out from the loft and helps decorate. Takes it all down with my help too.

He books activities for the kids with me.

He is happy to do whatever needs doing and is very proactive.

I buy almost all the presents and wrap everything. I sort out all the Christmas cards and also thank you notes after the day complete with pics of the kids and getting ds to sign his name. I do the kids' stockings. I sort out almost all school stuff e.g xmas jumper on Thursday to remember, pressie for teacher and ta etc.

A pretty good balance I'd say. I'd be annoyed at your dh!

qpalbfy · 27/12/2023 21:18

I do the planning, shopping (presents and food) and majority of the cooking. DH does the wrapping with me, the bulk of the decorations, he'll come shopping for the last food bits (mostly online shop), he does all the veg peeling and all the clearing up. He's the one sat there on Xmas day with the bin bag clearing up the wrapping paper! There's usually an inevitable tip run too 😬 So I suppose I do most of the "mental load" upfront stuff but I get to enjoy Christmas itself as he does most of boring bits on the days itself! We both enjoy the season and don't feel resentful so I guess we have the balance right. We don't do Christmas cards!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 27/12/2023 21:18

Mine does the lion’s share… he does the food shopping, outside decorating, 1/2 the food prep, 1/2 the inside decorating, all the cleaning. We split the gift buying.

Pallisers · 27/12/2023 21:19

OP, does your husband sit down and enjoy the dinner with you on Christmas day? Do your teens thank him for gifts or only thank you? Do you sign cards from both of you or just you? Do you organise gifts "from him" to his family?

Next year stop doing anything for him. Sign everything from you only. Drop his family from your card list and gift list unless you would want to get them a present from you - then sign it from you alone.

I'd be very tempted to put a ready meal out for him on xmas day or ask him what he is making for himself. Because it is terribly convenient for him not to be into christmas but still get to celebrate it, isn't it. And BONUS - he gets to not thank his wife for the work she does and DOUBLE BONUS - gets to dismiss her stress at the work as it is all her own choice.

I'd be really ticked at that attitude and would cut him from christmas completely - as in ask him what his plans are for the day because you and your kids are celebrating christmas but he doesn't want to do that - so what is he actually doing - the freeloading on your christmas work is over.

sprigatito · 27/12/2023 21:20

Mine does as much as I do tbh, we do the cooking, wrapping, cleaning, budgeting and decorating together as a team. Wouldn't have it any other way.

user1477249785 · 27/12/2023 21:23

I am in a mixed faith marriage (DH isn't Christian, I am). He obviously doesn't care about Christmas and he didn't grow up celebrating it. But he knows it's important to me so he: buys gifts including a stocking for me, comes on the food shop, shares the cooking and does most of the clean up.

For what it's worth I also wholeheartedly participate in his celebrations. They matter to him and I love that our family has multiple excuses to come together.

schooloflostsocks · 27/12/2023 21:23

All the food buying, meal planning and cooking including multiple home baked breads, two types of cheesecake, other puddings. He also buys for his family and wraps their presents.

Lovelydovey · 27/12/2023 21:25

He wrapped most of the presents (with the children's paper and written on in sharpie, but it was done), made multiple rounds of tea and coffee for guests, cleaned the bathrooms and did almost all the washing up.

TotteringByRosie · 27/12/2023 21:30

My DH cooks the Christmas Dinner (for 20+ people every year). He arranges the online food shopping delivery for Christmas and every week throughout the year. He also does most of the washing up after. Oh and he stays off the booze so that I can drink and he is available to pick up and drop off the elderly relatives who come for Christmas. He also hangs the outside house lights.

I do everything else, gift shopping, wrapping, making arrangements, cleaning, decorating, card writing.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 27/12/2023 21:47

I don't have a DH now, but my exDH used to cook the Christmas dinner and make the Christmas cake, and decorate (with my help, but he is fussy). I think we used to shop for the gifts together.

Fionaville · 27/12/2023 21:54

My DH always cooks the Christmas dinner. This year he did a lot of the food shop too because I was sick. He works a lot more hours than I do. I can't fault him really. If I had to nitpick I'd say he doesn't get as involved with the clean up as I'd like!

ElaineMBenes · 27/12/2023 21:54

So do other husbands do any of it or is it the norm for husbands to do nothing?

Not in my world.
DH LOVES Christmas so does most of the decorating. He buys presents for all his family and we sort DSs out together.
We share the meal planning and cooking.

We had Christmas Day mark 2 at my dad's yesterday and he did all the cooking.

Gonkers · 27/12/2023 22:03

My DH does all the food planning/prep/cooking. He plans the drinks/cocktails and generally caters. He’s an epic cook.

I do presents.

We both do decorating.

GandalfTheWhite · 27/12/2023 22:07

This year i bought some of the presents and some of the food.

DH bough some gifts, done all the wrapping, done the rest of the food shop, cooked the Christmas Dinner and done all the washing up too. Oh and he also put all the decorations up.

I was ill about a week before Christmas which is why he done so much, but he always does the cooking. I usually do the wrapping and shopping

SchoolQuestionnaire · 28/12/2023 10:29

I used to do most of the prep but over the years dh’s share has increased and if I’m honest this year he has definitely done more than me. He wrapped most of the presents (I did some), we went shopping together but also coordinated who would pick up/organise any remaining gifts and he ended up doing most of that. I always cook Christmas Day (dh does the veg) and dh cooks Boxing Day. We did the food shopping together at the crack of dawn one morning. This year he also did the vast majority of the clean up on both days.

ManateeFair · 28/12/2023 10:52

We both do the food shopping together. He got the spare room sorted and bedlinen changed as we were hosting his mum. While he was collecting his mum the day before Xmas Eve (which is a full day’s driving there and back) I cleaned and tidied, and iced the Christmas cake. He booked and paid for a posh meal out on Xmas Eve. We sorted decorations together. We each do present shopping for our own families. I did most of the cooking because I enjoy it, but he did the spuds and parsnips. Clearing up a joint effort.

user1471556818 · 28/12/2023 11:00

Been together 39 yrs he has always done loads .Buys presents writes cards will do shopping . Does everything i do .DH and BIL have cooked and served Christmas Dinner for up to 18 folks over the yrs .
I just thought he was ahead of the curve .But reading mumsnet at times just makes me sad that 1 person ,usually the woman takes on all the load.
Train our sons and husbands better for everyone's sake

Bbq1 · 28/12/2023 11:13

My dh claims he's not a huge Christmas fan but secretly I think he is. He buys his own, very thoughtful gifts for myself and ds and wraps them too. We do Christmas shopping together but he picks up the meat and potatoes himself. He cooks the entire Christmas dinner and has done so for years.