Page 2 | Does anybody’s husband do any of the work re Christmas and if so what?

toomuchfaff · 27/12/2023 18:41

I think it's a very selfish attitude he's taking. So ok, he's perfectly OK to not celebrate it but he has a wife, children, parents, siblings... just because he cba with putting in any effort means he sails through life unhindered. If he cba with earning would he expect it all to be done by others? It's not the fact he cba celebrating it, the selfishness comes with the attitude towards his kin when they are busy and stressed and he does nothing to reduce that stress. That's why it's selfish. Stop carrying him through it, buy & wrap all the presents but put them from you - your name, not his, not the two of you. Dont buy any presents for his side of the family, Make it known its his decision, Eradicate him from everything, dont involve him as a passenger if he wont help at all. Reduce the stress, go out for dinner perhaps, don't invite him, let him sit home while all the family go out and celebrate. Maybe he will stick to the cba with it or maybe he will not.

CharmedCult · 27/12/2023 18:41

Your Christmas would probably be much less stressful if you weren't tiptoeing around him, making sure you didn't look stressed to stop him from "completely losing it".

MerryMarigold · 27/12/2023 18:41

Mine buys a present for me which I've already chosen
Earns most of the money with which I buy presents
Washes up all meals inc Christmas dinner or when we host any parties (we don't have a dishwasher)
Puts up some of the lights
Runs around tidying up after whirlwind me - wrapping paper/ bauble boxes/ sellotapes/ scissors
Takes all the photos (I never remember)
Nags everyone to put away their presents
Helps me take down decs

Mazuslongtoenail · 27/12/2023 18:41

Mine goes out and buys all the Christmas treat food, chooses and buys almost half of the kids’ presents, cleans everywhere from top to bottom and is on a continual cycle of filling and emptying the dishwasher and clearing up.

TheFireflies · 27/12/2023 18:42

I do all the food planning and shopping.
He buys for his family, I buy for mine.
He does about 70% of the cleaning.
We share the cooking on Christmas Day, he (along with BIL) clears up, he does lunch on Boxing Day.

Femalefootyfan · 27/12/2023 18:42

This year was the first year I got my DH to help.

In years gone by (30+) I’ve done almost everything from planning, shopping for all food, gifts, cards, wrapping, you name it! However, he retired earlier this year so I asked him to wrap presents, which we shared the buying of, writing the cards and we jointly put up the decorations. We didn’t host this year so minimal shopping to be done, which I did.

Pineapplewaves · 27/12/2023 18:42

He earns the money to pay for it (I'm a SAHM)
He buys his side of the family's Christmas presents, wraps and sends them along with cards for them.
We do the food shop together.
I cook Christmas dinner but he spends the morning at DSD's, I think it's fair DSD gets her DF for half a day and it's easier to cook when DP isn't butting in!
DP used to put up the decorations but I took over!

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 27/12/2023 18:43

T1cTacT03 · 27/12/2023 18:30

My dh doesn’t like Christmas and says he’d happily not celebrate it. Ok except our kids( late teens)and family like it so we can’t bail out completely as a family. So I do everything.Buy all the presents, wrap everything, write all the cards( he does the post office drop off because he wfh and I don’t). I do all the food planning, shopping and cooking etc. He completely loses it if I get the slightest bit stressed and says he would happily not celebrate and it’s my choice.

So do other husbands do any of it or is it the norm for husbands to do nothing? Wondering if I would get less stressed or does it not make any difference? I have seriously reduced as much as I can. Very frugal with presents and we don’t do a load of social stuff.

My dh doesn’t like Christmas and says he’d happily not celebrate it.

equals

I cant be bothered, over to you

Why would you allow him to be like this?

antipodeansun · 27/12/2023 18:43

I probably do more but we share all activities. This year we had close family in our house, so 7 adults and 2 children:

-food shop - this year I did all of it but some year he does all or most

I planned the menu for both Christmas eve and Christmas and did more cooking but he also helped and cooked a few items.
he did far more tidying up and cleaning
we both bought presents - either together or agreed what and he ordered some and I did the rest
he organized all the board games etc

But also the rest of the family pitched in with tidy up and serving etc and helped so it really wasn't too tiring for anyone

I can't live with people like op's husband - actually my first short marriage in my 20s was to someone like that and I hated it

Notsurehwhattdo · 27/12/2023 18:44

Wife did the meal planning/shopping list. I did the shopping and the cooking. We have shared the clearing away.

I bought the presents and she wrapped them all as I can't stand wrapping.

TheaBrandt · 27/12/2023 18:44

Mine does a lot. I reckon it’s 50 / 50 to be fair.

AnnaMagnani · 27/12/2023 18:45

Buys and wraps presents - wrapping is hilariously bad
Puts up Christmas tree and takes it down again
Same for all decorations
Sends all the Christmas cards
Washes up and tidies the kitchen

he wouldn't cook but then, I wouldn't wash up

DoAWheelie · 27/12/2023 18:45

My partner and my dad last year said they wanted to do all of the cooking on Xmas day to give me and my mother a treat after a very stressful year we both had. All the women spent the day lounging around watching films and playing games while the men set up in the kitchen and dining room chatting while pealing and chopping veg.

Everyone enjoyed it enough that we did it again this year. Next year we are aiming for a 50/50 split (and all future years) but it was a fun experiment for everyone to "see the other side". It helped prove to us all that gender roles are pretty much bullshit and everyone is capable of being as busy or lazy as the situation allows them to be.

phoenixrosehere · 27/12/2023 18:45

DH and I discuss what our plans are in October and follow-up around the time the kids’ school Christmas card orders come about so mid-November. I am not a card person but DH’s family is. I buy the cards, DH writes them, and one of us posts them. We split up the gift-buying of nieces and nephews. We discuss gifts for the kids and purchase accordingly. I do the wrapping of gifts. Food-wise, we order a curry for Christmas Day and do what we like for the other days.

However, if we are going to the in-laws who live 5+ hours away, DH looks at accommodations and depending what they are, one of us will book. I do the packing for myself and the kids. DH does the grocery shopping when we get there.

I’m not a fan of Christmas either but I participate for the kids and I do like the setting up bit for presents (like being creative) even though, a bearded man is getting credit for it, typical. 😆

The Christmas season has rarely ever been fully relaxed for me unless I’m out alone.

LenaLamont · 27/12/2023 18:47

I do the advance stuff - choosing presents, wrapping, cards, baking, decorating. By late Christmas Eve my work is done.

He does his parents’ gifts, cooks all the Christmas dinner and clears up.

It works well for us.

backbritishfarming · 27/12/2023 18:48

SquirrelRed · 27/12/2023 18:36

Mine does absolutely nothing, but does like Christmas and is happy to partake in everything I organise.

Same here.

Newuser75 · 27/12/2023 18:49

He buys for his mum and for me, he cooks the dinner on Christmas Day and tidies up afterwards.
I choose and buy for the kids, wrap everything, organise Santa trip etc, order the food shopping, prepare the dinner on Christmas Eve, set the table, dish everything out.

nutbrownhare15 · 27/12/2023 18:49

Mine did everything food related, shopping, buying and cooking. He normally does all the washing up but I let him off on Christmas day! I did most gifts as his family do secret santa but he bought some stocking fillers off his own bat this year. We wrapped the stockings together. Your DH sounds miserable and mean spirited, even if it's not important to him it's important to you and the kids which should be what counts.

ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 27/12/2023 18:50

According to my brother its sexist to claim that women do most of the work for Christmas. Despite the fact that in most couples I know (including his incidentally) the woman does most of the work.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 27/12/2023 18:52

I buy the presents and communicate with family to decide on plan, I wrap presents. He does everything else, massive food shop, all the cooking and all the cleaning. Is much better at it than me and cleans by plan in the lead up making sure everything works and we have enough clean bedding and towels. I'm downsizing next year though as I find it very very stressful and always end up crying.

Londonrach1 · 27/12/2023 18:52

Dh this year... cards, presents for his family and me, washing, packing bags to visit family, stopping a flood in the kitchen, driving to said family... Me this year, presents for my family and our dc, food shopping, sorting out 1000 household stuff boring to mention, sorting out pets ... Dh on return from first few days to family was washing clothes , dh and I packed...we work as a team...he better at alot than me but don't tell him

Zombiemum1946 · 27/12/2023 18:53

My dh does his share of the pressies, I do most of the food shopping, he does top up shops. He does all the cooking but he does the cooking in our house anyway. I do the cleaning up but he's starting to pitch in now. He does love Xmas day but not really the run up. He has talked about getting a takeaway one Xmas so he can spend the day with us instead of cooking but the kids kicked off. Some people just really don't like it. A colleague of mine wouldn't bother at all if it wasn't for her now adult kids, she refuses any Xmas type stuff at work. I would have thought that your dh would take part for your kids sake.

Nothingbuttheglory · 27/12/2023 18:55

He writes cards to anyone he deems worthy
He buys presents for his side of the family and for the dc (and me)
He plans the food
He does the food shop
He cooks the food
He does lots of parenting (>50%) and a fair chunk of housework
He doesn't plan a long way ahead but will come up with ideas for things to do in the holidays and get bags packed/ make picnics etc
Helps decorate house

His work is seasonal and he is generally able to take 2-4 weeks off over the Christmas period.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/12/2023 18:55

Dh isn't a big fan of Christmas unless we are hosting (which we were this year), because he is a massively keen cook (and very good at it). There were 10 of us here for 3 days, and my only culinary contribution was to make the Christmas pudding a couple of weeks ago. He planned and cooked the fancy Christmas Eve menu, the Christmas dinner, the curry on Boxing Day etc. He buys presents for his family. I'm i.c. decorations, sleeping arrangements for guests etc.

britnay · 27/12/2023 18:55

He does the food and drink shopping, meal prep and cooking.
I buy and wrap the presents, clean the house and do the washing up.