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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anybody’s husband do any of the work re Christmas and if so what?

199 replies

T1cTacT03 · 27/12/2023 18:30

My dh doesn’t like Christmas and says he’d happily not celebrate it. Ok except our kids( late teens)and family like it so we can’t bail out completely as a family. So I do everything.Buy all the presents, wrap everything, write all the cards( he does the post office drop off because he wfh and I don’t). I do all the food planning, shopping and cooking etc. He completely loses it if I get the slightest bit stressed and says he would happily not celebrate and it’s my choice.

So do other husbands do any of it or is it the norm for husbands to do nothing? Wondering if I would get less stressed or does it not make any difference? I have seriously reduced as much as I can. Very frugal with presents and we don’t do a load of social stuff.

OP posts:
Catza · 27/12/2023 20:23

He does decorating, presents and plans and does "the big shop" plus cooks the meat. I ask what everyone fancies eating at Christmas and do side dishes and my own set of presents. Kiddo sets the table.
Reading MN it seems it is indeed the norm for the man to do nothing but in my family, the jobs have always been split equally. My grandfather would always bake, clean and set the table. My former FIL would light the fires, decorate and do small jobs in the kitchen while my ex would wrap presents and set the table.
Oh, men in my family also usually do washing up after the meal/cooking. If Christmas falls on Saturday or Sunday, then the kid does it as it is their job on weekends.

wasanneofcleves · 27/12/2023 20:23

Mine does grand total of eff all in the run up to it. But on the day he cooks the meal itself and we prep the house and clean up together.

RabbitsRock · 27/12/2023 20:23

Oh & he’s ace at decluttering & cleaning before the big day.

ancientnames · 27/12/2023 20:24

He buys the Christmas dinner food and cooks it.

I do absolutely everything else.

LorlieS · 27/12/2023 20:25

Why wouldn't he?

Snowforabit · 27/12/2023 20:27

Mine did the wrapping, food shopping, cooked Xmas dinner and the buffet Boxing Day.

I decorated the inside of the house, my husband the front.

I kept on top of cleaning up the kitchen.

DixonD · 27/12/2023 20:27

Mine bought all the food, prepped and cooked the vast majority of it.

RubySundayy · 27/12/2023 20:29

Mine sorted the food shop, did all the cooking (with a lot of washing up and clearing up as he went) and also wrote almost all the cards we sent.

ShortColdandGrey · 27/12/2023 20:30

Mine does loads. Buys presents for family, and I have to cut him off buying extra gifts for our daughter. He cooks the Christmas Dinner.

GreyCarpet · 27/12/2023 20:32

He bought all his own presents did the food shopping and did all the house cleaning and cooked Christmas Dinner.

H ealso did the washing up and all the housework today while I slept.

I put the tree up.

Ponderingwindow · 27/12/2023 20:32

Mine would gladly skip the entire thing. If I didn’t insist, I’m not sure what Christmas would look like for dd.

he does every chore I assign him, albeit begrudgingly. I have to be in charge.

he then sorts out a gift for me that inevitably is the best, most creative, most wonderful gift you could possibly imagine.

MeMySonAnd1 · 27/12/2023 20:33

I don’t like all the Christmas’s faff either but I do it because it is important to the people around me.

My partner is more into Christmas than I am, but we both cook, get gifts, etc. He sorts the cards (I hate the cards part), I deal with the Christmas decorations, which he us not bothered with at all.

DidiAskYouThough · 27/12/2023 20:33

Doesn’t sound like a darling husband. Why are you with a man who completely loses it?

BasinHaircut · 27/12/2023 20:34

I’m definitely project manager but I delegate things to him. Mostly stuff I don’t want to do and he does gifts for ‘his’ family, I do mine.

We don’t go mad though as I’m not crazy about Christmas so there isn’t a lot to do but for example the tree wouldn’t go up if I didn’t make sure it did. He wouldn’t think to buy wrapping paper until 8pm Xmas eve.

This year we hosted Boxing Day for 15 but dinner was at the pub which he organised, and that took more running around than it should have. I took care of drinks and evening food for back at our house.

To be fair the tasks are split pretty much the same as we split day to day stuff, but if I wanted a whistles and bells Xmas it would likely be on me, he is a go with the flow kind of guy.

Loafbeginsat60 · 27/12/2023 20:35

He buys for his family
Helps me get the tree and set it up
Sorts out snacks and alcohol and pays for all the food etc.
Buys me incredibly lovely Christmas gifts
Takes all the rubbish and recycling to the skip!
He is very good at hosting friends and family and getting everyone drunk too 😂

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 20:40

Dh cooks and preps all meals. We decorate together. Wrap presents together. Clean house 50/50.
I wouldn’t do it unless I had help. No way! Christmas is for everyone, everyone has to pitch in.

TiredOfSayingItAgain · 27/12/2023 20:41

Been with my husband for 45 years, and in that time, I've -

chosen, wrapped and distributed every present for every family member (including his parents when they were alive)
chosen, written and sent every card (including to his family)
bought and positioned every decoration, decorated the tree.

On the plus side, he's paid for it all (I helped when I worked), and he cooked every single Christmas Day dinner. It's been swings and roundabouts.

LIZS · 27/12/2023 20:43

Dh bought his family and my gifts, wrote cards, shopped for and cooked Xmas day lunch, drove us over 300 miles around to visit family and now has a cold for his trouble!

Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 27/12/2023 20:43

DP (of 15 years) is my sous to the proceedings. He will do a bit of cleaning, cooking etc but only under instruction. He buys for his family but I have to remind him several times and it’s always a bit of a bone of contention.
He would happily serve shit food, have far fewer gifts and leave the house in a mess for guests. If fact he’d be happy with no guests at all. I do worry if I died Christmas would be shit for the kids, but then again DP is man so friends/family would rally around to help because that’s what happens as expectations are so much lower for men.

mambojambodothetango · 27/12/2023 20:45

Mine cooks on Xmas Day, buys and wraps his parents' presents, buys about half of the DC presents and this year wrapped them all. I did cards, tidying and cleaning, washing up and presents for my own family. Very happy with that split.

FlyingCherub · 27/12/2023 20:45

DH's contributions are invaluable. This year, they included tidying the garage, trying (but not succeeding) to fill a hole that's been in the dining room wall since last Christmas, and cleaning the back door. Oh, and critiquing my food shop to the tune of "are we really going to need all this food" for 15 people....

I honestly don't know how I'd have coped without him Hmm

Previousreligion · 27/12/2023 20:46

He buys and wraps for his family, sends any cards he wants to, and does all the washing up. Tbh I don't want him to help cooking but he would if I asked.

Businessflake · 27/12/2023 20:58

He does:

Makes the Christmas pud
Gets the tree and puts up all decorations
Cooks Christmas Eve dinner and main meal on christmas day (I will sort the table and wash up)
Butchers order and collection.
Buys the odd present for the kids
Sorts gifts for his side of the family
Wraps whatever he buys

I do:
All meal planning apart from Christmas Eve dinner
Online grocery order
Sort most of the kids presents and wrap them
Book anything Christmas related, like theatre trip, light trail, etc and sort anything social
Sort anything school related, like contribute to teacher gifts, sort costumes for plays
Sorts kids packing for any trips we do

I feel it’s like most things in life in that he’ll sort the grand gesture and I do everything else. Take holidays for example, he might book the flights, and occasionally the hotel. I also make him book the airport parking. But I’ll sort any transfers we need, pack all the kids stuff, make sure we have all the holidays stuff we need, sun cream etc, make sure the kids have holiday things that fit such as sandals, swim stuff, plan and book any activities when we are there.

karmasacat · 27/12/2023 21:02

Mine does all the cooking, all the planning of food, all the food shopping and basically all the tidying up of food over Christmas week. I have nothing to do with any of that. He also organises all his family presents, and I do mine. Can’t think of any other jobs really. He does all the heavy lifting of Christmas tbh, I do little things to make it “magical” (so he says). I’m lucky - not sure he is with me!

Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2023 21:02

Mine does all the cooking except the pudding.

Discussed presents and budget but in practice I buy most (obviously he buys mine).

We share the decorating, and we share the cleaning and prep of the house generally.