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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anybody’s husband do any of the work re Christmas and if so what?

199 replies

T1cTacT03 · 27/12/2023 18:30

My dh doesn’t like Christmas and says he’d happily not celebrate it. Ok except our kids( late teens)and family like it so we can’t bail out completely as a family. So I do everything.Buy all the presents, wrap everything, write all the cards( he does the post office drop off because he wfh and I don’t). I do all the food planning, shopping and cooking etc. He completely loses it if I get the slightest bit stressed and says he would happily not celebrate and it’s my choice.

So do other husbands do any of it or is it the norm for husbands to do nothing? Wondering if I would get less stressed or does it not make any difference? I have seriously reduced as much as I can. Very frugal with presents and we don’t do a load of social stuff.

OP posts:
ToDoListAddict · 27/12/2023 19:30

My DH got the decorations out of the loft.
Put the tree together but I decorated it.

He's supposed to buy his families presents but I bought some of them as saw gifts i knew they'd like, otherwise he just orders random stuff from amazon 2-3 days before Christmas.
Which used to end up with him having to say to certain people that their gifts will be delayed, or trying to explain that he thought the item looked better/bigger/more interesting online (and obviously because he leaves it till the last minute there's no time to return/buy something better).

He had to make a side dish to take to his family's Christmas dinner but didn't think about how much was actually needed for 15 people and didn't make enough.

I asked him what items he wanted on the Christmas food shop delivery and all he said was pate, mince pies and cream.
Failed to mention he wanted a selection of "normal" cheese and had a meltdown Boxing Day because all he wanted was cheese and crackers but all we had was "weird" cheese.
Cue today him going out to the shop to buy a ton of cheese.
He's off work now till the new year but won't do any post Christmas clean up. Apart from putting the decorations back in the loft but last year that happened around March time.

MyLibrarywasdukedomlargeenough · 27/12/2023 19:32

He does all his family and friends cards and I do mine . I have always bought DS gifts but I really enjoy it. We did food shopping twice, we went together once and then I went alone once.

He sorted out the spare bedroom for his Mother as it’s his office. He carpet shampoo the hall and stairs and did all the deep cleaning. He complains a bit but that’s the deal if I have his family here, a deep clean done by him before they arrive or they are not coming. We have always done the decorations with DS and now DS GF except that one covid year comes. I then do a small tree in the kitchen and do the hall. She loves Christmas and baked us gingerbread twice recently.

I do the cooking but I’m better at it though he is cooking tonight as I am a bit tired, he isn’t terrible it just takes ages.

PaperDoIIs · 27/12/2023 19:36

OH does my presents (shopping/wrapping) , I have a birthday right before, some bits for DD, moved the Elf a few times , used to cook the whole dinner (now I do it for me and DD as we prefer it slightly different) , does all the food shopping and most years does the washing up after too.

slawsdregga · 27/12/2023 19:41

I am extremely fortunate that my husband does virtually all the Christmas tasks.

I wrote cards, bought presents for him, a few for our child (he sorted more) and my family.

On Xmas day I stacked the dishwasher and made drinks.

He is FAR more domesticated than me and retired!

Wannabedisneyprincess · 27/12/2023 19:42

My DH does some of the house decoration (all the outside lights) buys some of the DC presents, we host a party for my school friends and their partners/DC every year and he cooks for this, I do all the other prep, clean, buy the food etc, same if we are hosting Christmas Dinner he will do all the cooking (he likes cooking and I don’t) so I don’t mind doing the other stuff

PixiePirate · 27/12/2023 19:42

Mine bought the tree and made a song and dance about cooking the turkey. He also cleaned the floors (under my direction) on Christmas Eve eve. Just had words about his lack of effort and leaving the paying for gifts and food, organisation (gift shopping and wrapping, meal planning, cooking timings etc) and coordination (including arrangements for his family to visit, gifts from the grandparents to the kids, arranging to see friends) to me and then swanning around being the star of the show over the last few days 😡

I’ve decided that next year I need to let him fail and get comfortable with everyone feeling the impact of that. I’m feeling put upon and undervalued and I can only control my own part in that moving forwards.

Kawaii50 · 27/12/2023 19:46

Gets the tree with the children
Driving every other year when we visit family at the other end of the country
Buys his family presents but sometimes I buy them if I think of something they'd like
Clearing up, bins, going to the tip
Laundry
Dishwasher
Carrying heavy things as needed - from the shop, moving chairs round the house etc.
Putting up high decorations / lifting down things stored high up like cake tins
Plays board games with the children including entertaining nephews and nieces

Simplelobsterhat · 27/12/2023 19:47

I do most planning - present buying, wrapping,food shopping etc, but he will buy things, warp them if I ask him to. I prefer it this way really as I like the control! I decorate but he sets the decorations down from attic!

However, on the day he cooks Christmas dinner. He also does most food prep day before and usually an equal share in tidying/ cleaning house before guests come. I wash up if he cooks (plus other guests usually chip in) but for other meals where I take charge eg buffet tea , he will wash up. If say he does more if the offering drinks around than me. It suits us. I'm a control freak beforehand but prefer to chat on the day, whereas he would rather have a job to do them sit around chatting!

Hiddenvoice · 27/12/2023 19:50

My husband loves Christmas as he gets time off work to spend with our families. He doesn’t enjoy how stressed I get but he massively helps out with everything to make life easier. This year we made a shopping list of presents and tackled it together, mainly me shopping for my family and him for his. He then wrapped all the presents and built all the toys.

We don’t host Christmas at our house but I know my dh would do the bulk of the cooking if we did.

Theinnocenteyeballsinthesky · 27/12/2023 19:51

My DH isn’t that bothered about Christmas and if I wasn’t here I doubt he’d bother to do anything. However he knows I love it so he goes Christmas food shopping with me, goes with me to buy the tree, writes all the cards and wraps all the presents.

Your DH should recognise that it isn’t all about him and what he thinks OP especially as you have DC

neverbeenskiing · 27/12/2023 19:52

DH puts the outside lights up, which is quite a big job as we have a lot. He gets the tree and decorations down from the loft and packs them away again when it's all over. We all decorate the tree and inside of the house together, including DC.

He cooks Christmas lunch because he's a better cook than me and he enjoys it. He also does the food shop.

I tend to do the present buying for our kids and my side of the family, but he will look out for deals on things he thinks they might like and make suggestions. He buys presents for his side of the family, but likewise I will let him know if I have any ideas for things they might like.

He usually buys cards for friends and family. I tend to sort cards and presents for the kids Teachers.

I do the present wrapping because DH hates doing it and I don't mind it.

It's very much a team effort. My DH loves Christmas, but even if he didn't I firmly believe he would still pull his weight because he would want it to be nice for me and the DC. Sometimes being part of a family means doing things you don't want to do for the benefit of those you love. Your DH is being selfish IMO.

Allmarbleslost · 27/12/2023 19:52

Mine does all the wrapping, orders and collects the meat from the butchers and cooks Xmas dinner.

gingercat02 · 27/12/2023 19:54

He buys for his own family, my presents, and cards from him and DS. He helps with buying for DS (especially tech stuff).
He writes his own cards for friends (I generally buy multi packs cos I'm fussiest)
He helps with cleaning before and after. Sets the table.
He clears up after dinner (I like cooking and am better at it)
He is currently making fajitas as I have had enough of cooking.
I probably do more, but he pulls his weight

DeathMetalMum · 27/12/2023 19:54

He buys for his family. Usually organises what dc get for each other. This year I did one dd as he was sorting some of the dc's gifts via ebay. Dd1 wanted a squishmallow and some graphic novels that are not available new any more. Gift shopping is shared we usually book a day off end of nov and go shopping together, and grab some lunch too. We did the Christmas shop together, he cooks Christmas dinner - I wash up and do boxing day buffet.

I wrap most gifts, though he sorts stockings and helps wrapping dc's things on Christmas eve. I write the cards and either one of us posts them. We were later than usual this year so I posted them as there is a post office next to where I work. Previous years dp has posted them on the way back from the school run.

Tisfortired · 27/12/2023 19:55

Mine gets fully involved in Christmas. We buy for each other, the kids and our families. We both come up with ideas of things to get the kids. He’ll pick up bits like stocking fillers if he sees something. We go Christmas food shopping together. He’ll read Christmas magazines and suggest meals/drinks we could try. If I cook he does the cleaning up, if we have dinner with family he’ll offer to clean up there too. He plays games, plays with the kids, wakes up as early as me with excitement in Christmas morning.

UnbeatenMum · 27/12/2023 19:59

Puts the tree and decorations up
Does his family's presents
Presents for me from him and the children
Shops and cooks for his family's visit
Generally helps in the kitchen, clearing up etc for my family's visit.

Basically 50:50 except I do our children's presents, he did one child one year but it felt a bit complicated to split them. We do discuss what to get though.

Onemoremakesthree · 27/12/2023 20:01

The only thing mine does in the lead up is organise gifts to me from the DC, I do absolutely everything else including buying for his family, however he is extremely helpful over the Christmas days at cleaning up, helping with cooking, driving, stopping me from self combusting etc 😂😂😂

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 27/12/2023 20:04

Christmas with a 2 week old baby this year. He planned the food, shopped for it, cooked it, cleaned up after it while I looked after baby. Also bought and wrapped all presents from him. When family visited boxing day he did all the hosting. He's a grown adult and equal partner and parent and acts like it!

HulaChick · 27/12/2023 20:07

My (now ex) husband always,was the one who cooked the Christmas Dinner (& he's,a fabulous cook), I tended to sort out tge presents. Even though we're divorced now, we still have a proper family Christmas and he cooked. I did Boxing Day for everyone at mine.

HideTheCroissants · 27/12/2023 20:09

DH more than pulls his weight! We shop for gifts together. We wrap the presents together. We decorate the house together. We cook together (he is VERY good at chopping veg). We don’t wash up together though - he does anything that doesn’t go in the dishwasher and I eat chocolate 😁.

I got a good one. ❤️ (or I’ve trained him well over the last 30 + years.).

AnotherEmma · 27/12/2023 20:10

DH:

  • plans the food (but involves me in the planning), orders the food and cooks. We both clear up but he does more.
(This is consistent with his usual role as the kitchen is basically his domain. I hugely appreciate it.)
  • buys gifts for me including "from DC" (they're too young to choose and buy gifts themselves so he is heavily involved)
I:
  • make all the social arrangements ie talking to family to organise when we are seeing them, what we are bringing, etc
  • read emails from school/nursery and ensure events like nativity etc are in the calendar, ensure DC have clothes they need ie nativity costume, Christmas jumper etc
  • write and send Christmas cards (I don't do many, can't be bothered)
  • plan, buy and wrap all the Christmas presents for our children, my nephews and nieces, and usually sort the gifts for school and nursery too
  • put up Christmas lights outside the house and do any decorations in the house (if I don't do it, it doesn't happen)
We do these together:
  • pre-Christmas clean/tidy
  • take kids to buy Christmas tree (but then it's almost always me and the kids decorating it)
  • each of us buys a Secret Santa gift as we do this between the adults in the wider family
LangMayYerLumReek2024 · 27/12/2023 20:18

DH

buys a lot of the presents
Cleans the house
Organises the alcohol

Pretty equal load share

I buy the rest of the presents
Wrap
Cook

RM2013 · 27/12/2023 20:21

I do the majority although this year he was a lot better. We went Christmas shopping together (he hated it!!) and we went and did the Christmas food shop together. He wrote his own cards. I didn’t do cards for anyone this year as did a charity donation instead. I did all the wrapping (apart from the gifts he bought for me). He did also help prep all the veg on Christmas Eve. He’s got better as he’s got older as he used to leave literally everything to me

Glitterblue · 27/12/2023 20:22

Mine does around half the Christmas shopping, as of this year all the wrapping, brings the decorations in from the shed, he does the garden and inside lights, the garland on the fireplace, and often cooks Christmas dinner but we did it between us this year. I do all the rest of the decorations and the tree, the cards, the cleaning, the baking. I used to do all the wrapping but DH volunteered this year and really enjoyed it. We did the food shop together.

RabbitsRock · 27/12/2023 20:22

DH does the decorating ( we all used to do the tree but DH is quicker & better at it so we were happy to pass it on to him). We prep the veg together & he helps with the rest of the meal, laying the table etc. He wraps the pressies as I’m rubbish at it! I always buy, write & post the cards.