Does anybody’s husband do any of the work re Christmas and if so what?

[T1cTacT03]

My dh doesn’t like Christmas and says he’d happily not celebrate it. Ok except our kids( late teens)and family like it so we can’t bail out completely as a family. So I do everything.Buy all the presents, wrap everything, write all the cards( he does the post office drop off because he wfh and I don’t). I do all the food planning, shopping and cooking etc. He completely loses it if I get the slightest bit stressed and says he would happily not celebrate and it’s my choice.

So do other husbands do any of it or is it the norm for husbands to do nothing? Wondering if I would get less stressed or does it not make any difference? I have seriously reduced as much as I can. Very frugal with presents and we don’t do a load of social stuff.

So not only is he a lazy, arrogant, joyless dick who doesn’t want his family to enjoy themselves, he’s also controlling and unpleasant so you can’t complain or even looked stressed while you run around doing the work of two people?

DH does loads, and if I do more it's probably because I work part-time.
We both choose, buy and wrap presents, plan and cook food (his beef wellington this year was amazing!), and do the decorating.
His family are very into Christmas, mine aren't so much but we have three DCs and have made our own way of doing things.
I absolutely couldn't do it without him but he couldn't do it without me.
From speaking to my friends, he may be a bit of an exception, but he pulls his weight the rest of the year too.

Mine isn't that keen on Christmas but knows that I am and would do anything for me. He gets all the presents for his side of the family, and does anything I ask him to do with regard to decorations/tree and food prep. Does it willingly, and I do all the planning because I love it.

This year dh has had time off before Christmas. And ive an injury. He did all the christmas shopping for everyone, did all the christmas food shop, did all the wrapping, did all cooking for weeks now, has done all washing / ironing as well as movements are painful. Ive quite literally done nothing but be very mopey.

My husband does pretty much everything.

I plan the gifts and do a lot of the shopping (online) and plan activities (panto etc) but he does nearly everything else, particularly the cooking and cleaning (although we do have a cleaner twice a week). He even wraps the gifts because I have problems with my arms so find wrapping hard.

My husband is incredible with present shopping, we do half each (ie our own family, we don’t have kids together).
He does the most amazing cheese board for after dinner, Costs more than the roast 🤣 totally involved in childcare on the day ( grandchild and my disabled niece) and does his bit cleaning up.
He also volunteers from 11-4 while I do the cooking, then gets back to do the gravy before we eat around half 5.
and somehow sees his mum in all that 😅

My husband does pretty much everything.

I plan the gifts and do a lot of the shopping (online) and plan activities (panto etc) but he does nearly everything else, particularly the cooking and cleaning (although we do have a cleaner twice a week). He even wraps the gifts because I have problems with my arms so find wrapping hard.

Washed the kitchen and bathroom floor, hoovered all through, made the Christmas pud by hand to an old family recipe ( and a dozen for CAP parcels), researched omnivore and vegetarian recipes for the three days of family visiting, shopped, cooked, served, washed up and put away. I did all the presents, made up the guest rooms and social chat.
Oh, he sent pretty much all the cards too.

Dh isn't the biggest fan of Christmas but he understands that it's an important time for the rest of us so he gets involved. This year he:
Did the food shop
Wrapped almost all the gifts
Posted the cards
Organised gifts for the DC's teachers and various dance/gymnastics/swimming coaches
Did the pre Christmas clean
Did the majority of the fetching and carrying for guests (getting people drinks, setting the table etc)

I:
Planned the food and made the shopping list
Chose and bought the gifts for DC
Cooked the Christmas dinner and also cooked on boxing day when we hosted family
Organised all the festive activities (Santa, light trails, panto etc)
Wrote the Christmas cards
Took DC to carol /christingle services
Generally kept track of the festive schedule including all the school events for DC

So a pretty even division of labour which plays to our strengths - I am crap at cleaning and he can't cook.

I don’t do wife work. Didn’t before we got married and don’t 20 years on.

We do very little of Xmas anyway. Don’t send cards or buy presents for anyone but DD. We both decide what we are going to get from her list and then divvy up who gets what. We both look out for stocking fillers she would like.

We share the food shopping and cooking, and cleaning up.

We are equally busy and equally capable of organising things so why it should ever fall to one of us is beyond me.

Mine will help choose gifts for the kids and his dad (I'm the main shopper, but I'll be like 'this or that' and we discuss what we are going to get them, he's not one of those dads who has no idea what's under the tree). We shop for the kids stocking fillers together too

He also does all the cooking (he does all year round tbf) and food prep, I just help to dish up and I make the (instant) gravy! He does all the dishes and cleans the kitchen down too

He doesn't wrap anything (we don't buy for each other currently as we're poor and would rather spend on the kids), but I love wrapping so I don't mind that at all.

My partner did some of the presents and wrapping (I do the majority), does the food shopping, put up the Christmas trees including decorating them with the kids), planned and cooked the entire Christmas dinner with only help from his dad (usual - he loves cooking and is much better at it than me - he cooks for all major events and when we entertain). He is a senior teacher so does this alongside the usual late nights marking and doing admin.

If DH could get away with not celebrating Christmas he would. However, he does step up. He cooks the main meal and makes the savoury extras like sausage rolls. I do the puddings and cakes. He likes cooking and can hide in the kitchen!

He mainly does the presents for his family but I will help if he is snowed under with work. We do main present for DC together but I will the little extras.

Helps with putting up the tree (but would be quite happy to have no decorations)

We don’t have big family celebration and keep it very low key but that suits me too.

Not sure how much we will do in the future when DC move away and possibly choose to celebrate elsewhere

Sounds like a cop out to me. I take it he doesn't receive presents or eats Christmas dinner? As one poster above recommends, have dinner out with your DC and only buy presents for them and your side of the family.

He does all the fetching of decorations and Christmas stuff from the attic, helps put up the tree, does the lights and decs that I can't reach. He does the food shop, the cooking and timing of the Christmas dinner and shares the washing up.

He's brilliant, really shares the load.

Mine did all the food shopping and has cooked 90% of the time over Christmas. I did all the present shopping, wrapping and put the interior decorations up. We both put the exterior lights up. I think I got the better deal and he's done more than me in total

I buy, wrap, deliver, send all presents. I plan meals and do most of the food shopping. DP orders/picks up turkey/ham and all booze. We all decorate house together. DD (19) makes canapes and sets table, DS (21) lights fires/candles and makes cocktails/drinks all day. DH cooks the main Xmas lunch - preps and cooks it all… he loves doing it and it’s always fabulous! I make bread sauce, cranberry sauce, pudding and sort cheese board. We all clear up! It works… I definitely spend more time in the run up making sure it all happens but happy with that - I dish out jobs and they all get on with it! Ditched writing Xmas cards a few years ago… also cut down present buying list…

Your DH is being unfair… a joint effort is needed…

Has he always hated Christmas, e.g. before you had DC? Does he eat the food etc or does that all make him unhappy too?

Tbh it all sounds quite manipulative as he knows to call his bluff (go away/exclude him from everything) would make Christmas stressful for your children.

My own husband does all the cooking, we share the wrapping. I buy most of the presents and do the food shop. He's always bought for his family.

He gets the decorations out of storage, (and in storage after) -just the heavy lifting, but I actually decorate the house. I do all the cards, and shopping (gifts and food, although this year we shopped for food together). He does all the cooking on Christmas day, I just chill with a drink but I do help with the washing up.

Mine does about 50% of cooking, cleaning, organising, I do all the Christmas activities and most of the presents for the kids (not much, they are only tiny). I wonder if there's anything important to him you can opt out of? He sounds stubborn and not a team player. If the rest of the family care about it he should put the effort in.

I do all the gift shopping and wrapping pretty much.

He decorates almost all the house as he likes doing it.
Bakes, plans food shop, does the shop with me, chips in with cooking, suggests fun things to do.

It's his Christmas too and is very involved. I couldn't stand being the person that made everything happen.

Mine does loads. he loves Christmas and is more organized
Sets up lights inside and out
Bought tree
Organized lists and letters to Santa , buys some pressies
Books food delivery shop
Books and pays for nearly all activities , including panto, Xmas markets

I do social arranging, food planning, all stuff for guests (preparing beds etc, general tidying and sorting), kids school and hobbies Xmas stuff, charity collections, carol and church services and all food shopping and cooking.

Wrapping and helps with the cleaning. Collects any parcels I ask him to.

That’s it.

What our partners' do is irrelevant. You have a real scrooge, and a controlling one at that, on your hands. If something is important to me and the dc, my dh steps up to help and take part and vice versa.

So frankly, if he really doesn't care, and won't take part, he needs to be properly absent. Do not buy presents for his family or send cards etc. Decorate, meal plan etc as you like and if he says anything about tour choices or any stress, tell him it has nothing to do with him. I would encourage him to do something else on Christmas day entirely because why would you want him around if he's so miserable?

My dh doesn't really like flowers so doesn't buy them, which makes me a bit sad but it is what it is. But that's a v minor issue compared to this level of controlling passive aggressive twattery.

Would other family host you and the teenagers? Would they be up for going away for Christmas for a couple of days? You could leave Scrooge enjoying his lack of Christmas at home.