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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anybody’s husband do any of the work re Christmas and if so what?

199 replies

T1cTacT03 · 27/12/2023 18:30

My dh doesn’t like Christmas and says he’d happily not celebrate it. Ok except our kids( late teens)and family like it so we can’t bail out completely as a family. So I do everything.Buy all the presents, wrap everything, write all the cards( he does the post office drop off because he wfh and I don’t). I do all the food planning, shopping and cooking etc. He completely loses it if I get the slightest bit stressed and says he would happily not celebrate and it’s my choice.

So do other husbands do any of it or is it the norm for husbands to do nothing? Wondering if I would get less stressed or does it not make any difference? I have seriously reduced as much as I can. Very frugal with presents and we don’t do a load of social stuff.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2023 19:06

How dare he leave you to do everything to make your kids happy and then lose it if you so much as complain. That, op, is gaslighting. Horrible and utterly unattractive.

cleanasawhistle · 27/12/2023 19:06

I do everything on the run up to Christmas and when my husband finishes work he does all the cooking,even today made pies and cakes using leftovers...I'd rather wash the dishes than cook so it works well

Hungryhippopotamus · 27/12/2023 19:06

Mine does next to nothing, writes a few cards to people I don't know. Buys a couple of presents under instruction and takes the rubbish out. Acts like a guest when we have people round.😫. Going on strike next year.

Suckitup101 · 27/12/2023 19:06

I do most of the presents and wrapping.....
He does most the cooking and food prep.....
We both tidy/ play with the kids
I think it works out quite fairly though he probably doesn't have the stress I do in the lead up, he does do his fair share and he would never leave it all to me

muchalover · 27/12/2023 19:06

I don't like Christmas and won't do anything because I don't like Christmas = a get out of jail free card.

I don't like cleaning but still do it.
I'm not keen on cooking but still do it.

Is he a "partner" or not? Looks like not.

Dontmisslifewaitingforcloudstopass · 27/12/2023 19:07

In similar position to you. My husband just orders and collects turkey as he knows local freeholder.

SweetPetrichor · 27/12/2023 19:08

My DP buys more of the presents than me, we wrap them together, he helps put up decorations, we plan and buy the food together, I cook with his assistance and then he washes up.

Whatthechicken · 27/12/2023 19:09

Mine buys for his family and wraps, i buy a few for my family. We both plan for the kids and I buy - I tend to wrap (but he does offer). I clean the house and sort pets (we have a lot of pets), he does food shopping and cooks on Christmas Day. I’ve had Covid for the last 3 Christmases and a nasty cold for this one. I get stressed out at Christmas - he provides cuddles. He’s a gem.

PuffyShirt · 27/12/2023 19:11

My husband does the lion’s share and always has done.

We share the present buying (entirely online), and he does all the food prep, shopping and cooking. I did do the majestic wine run 😬 We buy the trees together, but I decorate them and all of the other swags, garlands etc. I dress the table etc. The idea of letting anyone else do this aspect is anathema as I’m the only one good at it.

We share the wrapping, but he does most of it.

Charlingspont · 27/12/2023 19:11

Mine does nothing at all either. He's not originally from this country and not Christian so doesn't see it as 'his' celebration. Unfortunately he also has a weird streak which means he sometimes also tries to sabotage it for dc and I. I almost left him this year, I have to say. He's been awful. It's some weird thing with him where he has to rail against any expectations, be they personal or societal. Very draining.

LisaD1 · 27/12/2023 19:11

Mine puts up the outdoor decs and get everything down from the loft. Our girls (early twenties and late teens) decorate. We do the food shop together and I do the cooking. He helps tidy and wash up. The reason I do the cooking is because he does about 75% of it the rest of the time and I like to give him a proper break from it. We are a team. He’s currently cooking dinner having spent the afternoon taking our daughter to pick up something she wanted and moving furniture around as we wanted to move my office upstairs. For me it’s about how we live every day not just the Christmas period.

ThreeRingCircus · 27/12/2023 19:13

My husband sorts everything for his side of the family. Buys the presents, wraps them and writes and posts the Christmas cards. I sort my side of the family and our DDs.

He puts the lights up outside the house and I do the Christmas tree.

I cook Christmas dinner, he washes up.

IvySquirrel · 27/12/2023 19:13

He buys and wraps presents for his family and main presents for our adult kids. He writes half the cards and we put up tree/decorate together. He sorts spare beds and bedding for guests, sets the table for all Christmas meals and sorts drinks/nibbles etc. He's also organised meeting up with friends for lunch/walks etc today & tomorrow.
I buy & wrap for my family, sort stockings for our kids, write half the cards and do all the food planning, shopping and cooking (though with a lot of help this year from 23 year old DS).
I'm more than happy with my lot!

oakfolk · 27/12/2023 19:14

That's very unfair on you OP.
My DP buys and sends cards and presents, including to my family. Does the decorations and buys some of the food. We both do the cooking.
Even my Dad who's in his late 70s pulls his weight and does the food shop (mum writes the list) and he cooks Christmas dinner.

DelilahBucket · 27/12/2023 19:16

Absolutely not the norm. I do all the planning of things because I'm good at it, but we split most other things. Decorating, cooking, cleaning. I did a lot of the cooking on Christmas day this year, with DH doing some of the veg prep, and the making of the cheese sauce and gravy (his domain those two). He did however do a lot of the cleaning up, dishwasher loading/unloading and the most important job, keeping the cooks glass full!

motherofawhirlwind · 27/12/2023 19:16

Helps buy presents
Does 95% of the decorations
Does all the cooking
Wraps my gifts and supplies drinks whilst I do the rest
Helps with the food order and unpacks it all
Runs out to get anything missed
Clears the table / tidies up

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2023 19:17

My dp isn't fussy about Christmas, but he isn't the sort of dickhead who'd see his dc disappointed or let me struggle alone, so he pitches in.

We share the cleaning, he does most of the cooking, I do most of the present buying and wrapping.

Fameinaframe · 27/12/2023 19:17

We work together , if it needs doing one of us will do it. Same as all the other day to day stuff. 4 children both work full time.

NancyPickford · 27/12/2023 19:18

Mine buys the cards and presents for his "side" and I do mine. This year I was a bit unwell so he has done several massive big food shops and cooked on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I decorated the tree and wrapped his presents.

TheChosenTwo · 27/12/2023 19:19

He transfers me money for presents, buys my main presents and enlists the dc to get the little token bits.
Puts up all the outside lights.
He does all the food planning, shopping,
prep, cooking, and this year did 99% of the clearing up too. And it’s my family we have round on Christmas Day. He did the same for the party we had for his family a few days before Christmas.
Doesn’t pass comment on the amount of stuff I buy for the dc or the money I spend (and rightly so, he’d be getting some very cutting comments if he even dared 😂). He does usually get some stocking bits for the dc and always chooses them some clothes for under the tree but he’s been out of action for some time this year due to injury so he’s been a bit down about it all so he hasn’t.
It’s fine though, it’s all about give and take and sometimes the sides are imbalanced but overall it’s all alright.

MrsCharlieD · 27/12/2023 19:22

DH does more than his fair share. He works shifts so often has days off in the week to do shopping and wrapping. He usually does the big food shop but I do most of the food prep and cooking and I'll do the big Christmas clean. He usually will do the pots after lunch though, load the dishwasher etc. I'd say things are pretty even.

mondaytosunday · 27/12/2023 19:23

My (late) husband bought the presents for his family, cooked the Christmas dinner and as he was a tidy cook pretty much cleaned as he went. We also did the food shop together.
He did not decorate the house (though came and cut down the tree at a tree farm) or do Xmas cards - I did give him a few to sign for his friends/family but he probably wouldn't do it if he had to buy the cards etc. He also paid for our cleaner so there wasn't a massive pre-Christmas blitz.

bloatedbobby · 27/12/2023 19:26

I do the majority of the present shopping, DH will do a bit. He hates wrapping so does the minimum. I do the stockings, decor. We both do food shopping & he did all the cooking on Xmas day & Boxing Day.

bloatedbobby · 27/12/2023 19:27

Cleaning is probably 60/40

bloatedbobby · 27/12/2023 19:28

I book panto etc but he took the dc out ice skating today, teamwork makes it so much more fun

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