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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to ask how much money your adult kids give?

193 replies

izimbra · 27/12/2023 13:18

Adult daughter (24) living at home. Earns about 28K. What sort of contribution would you expect towards household expenses? Our house is so expensive to run, and our household budget is strained - I'm only working part time as I'm a carer for my adult son, and we have an 18 year old at university who we're supporting. My husband's income is keeping us all afloat. We don't charge our daughter rent and she doesn't save any money at all. In fact she has debts. She works full time, and is also studying for a degree with the OU.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 27/12/2023 13:19

Our son give us £200 per month
hes 18
why aren’t you charging your DD rent - she’s living with you and you need the money
what’s she spending it on? Time for her to chip in
miminum £200 per month plus a contribution to food and other bills

Hipnotised · 27/12/2023 13:22

Nothing - DS1 is living at home after uni, working but saving to move out. We are also supporting one at uni although they are working p/t.

What areas financially are causing you the most concern? Can you cut back or are they fixed costs?

hskdnek572 · 27/12/2023 13:23

When I started working full time whilst living at home I paid £200 a month and that was 12 years ago.

margotrose · 27/12/2023 13:25

I paid £200 a month.

JazbayGrapes · 27/12/2023 13:25

you need to have an open and honest adult conversation. where does her money go?

NeverneverNO12or3 · 27/12/2023 13:26

£250 aged 19. Earns about £20000. I'm disabled and living on benefits, plus support two younger dc so I do need it to stay afloat at the moment. I do think though that it's a good life lesson to learn regarding budgeting. Dc will stay at home for a few years while saves for a mortgage and completes apprenticeship.

lapsedbookworm · 27/12/2023 13:27

Is she funding her OU degree from her salary? If so I imagine that takes up quite a chunk of it?

I'd chat to her and come up with something sensible, and also suggests she ought to use this time to get on top of her debt. Perhaps you agree to charge minimal rent provided she starts paying down her debt?

19lottie82 · 27/12/2023 13:27

Work out her share of bills and food, then charge her that. That’s totally fair, you’re not subsidising her neither profiting.

£28k is nearly £2k a month after tax. What’s she spending all of her money on?

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 27/12/2023 13:30

my son is 33 and doesnt live here anymore because h has his own flat with his partner but at 21 yrs when he finished university he paid 400 p/m earning in his first job a basic 28k p/a. He chose this amount on what he felt fair.

Jacfrost · 27/12/2023 13:30

If an adult child was actively saving, depending on my own finances I'd either charge them nothing or a nominal amount, £100 a month?

But if they weren't saving I'd expect them to properly pay their way.

pponk · 27/12/2023 13:30

I paid £200 a month about 17 years ago so maybe £350 now.

Alargeoneplease89 · 27/12/2023 13:32

I used to give my dad half my wage £400, he was on state pension and lived in a housing association house so I had to pay rent as well as other living expenses.

Life isn't free.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 27/12/2023 13:34

When my dc are finished school and working full time they will be paying 25% of their salary. Dd1 has just started college this year, so the topic came up during year 11 when she was deciding what to do this year.

bridgetreilly · 27/12/2023 13:34

What would a room in a shared house in your town cost? I would charge £100 less than that.

Menomeno · 27/12/2023 13:39

Ours contributed 15% of their take home pay.

Tinkerbyebye · 27/12/2023 13:42

In your case I would look at it as support for her doing the OU degree, which she is paying for, especially if you are also supporting your son, who I assume has a part time job as well to support his uni fees/ accommodation food etc?

that way you are supporting both your children through uni. I fail to see why one should be supported and one not because they chose different unis

Singleandproud · 27/12/2023 13:42

I would charge £600, using £200 towards her keep and saving £400 for her (preferably in a LISA in her name) for the future when she moves out. It'll still be substantially less than if she were living independently

WonderingWanda · 27/12/2023 13:42

It doesn't really matter what other people do or don't charge. It sounds like she earns a decent wage for a 24yo. Meanwhilr you are still maintaining a family sized home for a working adult to live for free. How much would make a difference to your running costs? £200 a month? £500 a month? If she moved out she'd likely need to spend most of her monthy income on rent and bills so if you ask for a contribution from her then she is still saving lots of money.

PegasusReturns · 27/12/2023 13:43

Nothing but they’re still in FT education and I don’t need the contribution.

I think in your shoes, rather than asking for a contribution I’d be discussing when she plans to move out. It’s important for DC to have their independence and for you to have your space

(edited for typo)

Christmassss · 27/12/2023 13:44

DC aged 25 earns 26k and DC aged 23 and earns 35k both contribute £250 per month.

They both save a lot of their salary and I started them up with Lisa’s two years ago.

Sawitch · 27/12/2023 13:48

DS earns approx £22K and pays £400pm. I’m a pensioner and a widow and he pays the amount it costs for him to live here.

SackOfShitandRegrets · 27/12/2023 13:54

25% of take home pay on that salary, maybe 20% if was min wage

Original poster
izimbra · 27/12/2023 13:55

19lottie82 · 27/12/2023 13:27

Work out her share of bills and food, then charge her that. That’s totally fair, you’re not subsidising her neither profiting.

£28k is nearly £2k a month after tax. What’s she spending all of her money on?

She spends her money on clothes, shoes, eating out and travel. She's been to the Caribbean and to Norway this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
izimbra · 27/12/2023 13:58

"if you are also supporting your son, who I assume has a part time job as well to support his uni fees/ accommodation food etc?"

No - son is studying MSC in engineering at an RG university, in his first year and finding it all overwhelming. He has autism and clinical depression. The last thing he needs is pressure to work on top of starting a challenging degree.

OP posts:
Gillypie23 · 27/12/2023 13:58

I'd be asking her to pay 200/300 a month.